Best Idiot Skier Story.

T

TwinTipWonder

Active member
I figured this deserved some props...

I was riding at breckenridge a few days ago, when i was behind this guy (most likely a texan), when i noticed something interesting about his look p12 bindings. He was clicked in, but the heel pieces were still horizontal, not vertical like they should be. So a after closer look, i saw that the idiot had about half an inch of snow under his boot. So i approached him and told him before he got on the lift ( so his ski wouldnt fall off and nail someone below). As the expected texan, "Theyre fine KIDDDDD." So i backed off and he got on the lift. So we got up the hill, he got off the lift, and i went over and explained to him, and showed him ( on my bindings) how they should be. Again, he told me they were clicked in fine. About 10 seconds later, he heads down the hill, hits a small knoll of snow, and both skis explode off his feet... and he slides 100 feet on his face.

I was laughing histerically, although he didnt think it was that funny.

Thats my idiot story for the year (with more surely to come)... whats yours?
 
There was a group of four people getting onto the quad ahead of me once and a fifth guy just hops in the group, causing everybody to fall off the lift except him. He looked like a moron riding up the lift by himself after knocking everybody off, it was great.
 
my friends saw this black guy come flying down into the lift line area, fall over (almost looking purposely), and taking out like 15 people. then he just stood there like nothing happened.
 
Today i was at my hill waiting in the lift line when this noob skier comes flying down the hill and goes flying into the saftey net thats at the bottom of the hill it was awsome.
 
i thought of another one. i was at our local hill with a few friends. we're at the top of the park waiting to drop in, when my friend's turn comes. right when he starts to go, this asian guy goes on the jump, and just starts skiing across the flat like an ass. my friend either doesn't see him, or just doesn't care. he comes flying down, launces off the lip, and soars over the asian dude. yeah, ski patrol had a word or two with him at the bottom.
 
My friend was skiing on a pair of pubs that had no brakes on one ski. Well needless to say he lost it his first 7 attemtpt and it went all the way down the park and launched through the windshield of an m3 in the parking lot...let's just say he left his skis.
 
ya my friends ski didnt have any brakes either and his ski came off and just missed being ran over by a snowcat..the driver was pissed and almost took his pass
 
#1. a the top of our lift they blew some snow in a little corner in order to spread it on the run below, they left it there for a few days so people started going up on top of it and shure enough, it developed this steep little jump almost quarterpipeish, the problem is it's rather difficult to get up becuase of speed limitations, me, being as esteemed proffesional, glided up it with ease while two gapers followed at a speed that was not quite sufficient, i assesed the situation and moved out the way to watch. these retards were following really close to eachother so i got ready for a good show, the first guy went up and started going down backwards because he didn't have enough speed, his freind following to close came barreling into his fully exposed ass, completely raping him, twas hilarious
 
Haha i did that one, kind of. I was inline with my friends and then we where supposed to go (so i thought) so i had to duck the chair swinging around and had to get on with another group of 3. I was so embarrased.
 
almost the same thing happen with me .. i wasnt going fast enough so i started to push with my poles and at this point my bording friend comes in with some heat and as my pole is in the ground he hits my bail and does a flip into my ass ...it was great
 
Me and my friends were taking a break from the park for a run so we came off the quad and just went straight down. Well one of my friends was out in front and some snowboards were about to cut him off so instead of turning he decided to stop dead and let them pass. Unfortunately he wasn't aware that my other friend was about 15 feet behind him so he stopped dead and she completely destroyed him head on, they slid and tumbled down the hill about 30 feet and it wasn't steep at all lol. When they got up she was kinda shaken and he looked at his pole which was broken completely in half by her face/head. Good thing she had a helmet on haha.
 
One time 3 asians tried to get on one of our double chairs and they almost got smoked by it...luckily the liftee was paying attention.
 
we were sitting on the knoll about to hit Buttermilk's big jump from 3 years ago, before they moved the x games course... you know back when it was 60 or 70 feet. We are just waiting to drop and this guy in jeans, rentals... typical texan comes up and asks us the speed for this jumps. and we are like, take one turn and go straight... and we asked him if he was good enough to hit a jump, and he was like, yea i have done it before... anyway he points it and just goes off, doesnt pop or anything and just flies back... lands on his back and everything explodes... on the way by at the bottom we are like are you alkright? he said he would try it again...
 
i was skiing w/ some of my ski patrol friends. we all wanted to hit this closed off trail b/c it had pow but was dangerous. My ski patrol friends are chill ,so they are like "yea lets do it" so as we go down, we see another guy skiing it too. Mr. "jeans and 210 straight rental skis" looks at us and says "you guys arent supposed to be here. Experienced riders only. So my friends (they were off-duty at the time) are like, buddy we are ski patrol. He doesnt believe them so he starts arguing and flips a shit. My buddies got fed up and took away his pass. mad funny
 
last year i was about to drop in on a substantial size step down with a rather large kick. a big crowd was on the deck cos thats where people hang to drop the smaller jump further down. i get the ok to go, and apparently as im going up the kicker, completely blind to the other side, some genious lady makes the wonderful decision to ski across the knuckle and stop directly below me. i come around 270 on a cork 3 and see her looking aimlessly as if she wasnt about to die. i somehow fanagled my way into missing her by about 6 inches and got worked in the process because of this asshole. but as soon as it happened, the whole group on the deck yells out "retard" in unison. it was awesome.
 
I guess I'm makin fun of myself on this one but its funny. I was doing like mach 2 on this curvy catwalk and all of a sudden this lady is right in front of me so I bailed out just in time to take her legs out. We slid for a while then her husband come up all heated and starts yelling so I just left
 
So there I was, awiting a ride home from Park City Mountain REsort. The mountain is setting up for the Roxy Chicken Jam. As some of you may know pick and shovel's lift, 3 kings, is right next to first time, a lift for first time skiers and riders. In preperation for the event they had 4 porto poties placed in a 2x2 square. Now out of the corner of my eye I see one row of the toilets suddenly move about 2 feet. I look over and see a 12 year old joey who had ran into it. His whole famil rushed over to him, while I proceeded to make fun of the little shit. He proceeded to whine that he had nowhere else to go. After raging I laughed hysterically at the fact that this boy just had a head on collision with portopoties
 
we were hitting this little rail learning 270s on and what not, when 4 kids come up and 3 of em stand beside the rail, one has a camera. the other kid is like "ready?" and then he tries the rail. the thing is, hes snowplowing. when he finaly gets to the rail, his ski tip catches on the end and he does this sproing thing onto his side, and he slides the whole rail. when he gets up, the guy with the camera shows us th epicture and hes doing a huge daffy and his face is all wide open and shit. it was funny.
 
haha i love how you point out that they re texan in like the first line! me and my bro play some sort of "texan not a texan" game everyday we ski. its a retty easy game.

well my stories arent as good, but one day at keystone we see a kid snowboarding down the hill with another one on his back. then his friend comes walking down the hill behind them.

two days ago at winter park there were like 6-7 people all walking down the hill together carrying their ski shit.
 
I have a ton as I ski instruct and crazy redneck ppl hang out at my hill, today I just about body slammed a boarder as he tried to ski around me as I was helping one of my friends who was learning the box get up (ski was stuck in soft snow, hes a moron), well this kid almost hit him and I put him down, scared the hell out of him...

Other than that I was at whiteface one day and there was a big slalom race, youth racer, maybe in college comes flying down maybe carrying some stuff and hits the slop right near mid lodge, he loses it and SLAMS into the wood fence to prevent falling ppl/snow from coming head first into the lodge, all of a sudden we hear THUMP, run over, hes laying in the ditch on his head, he was OK but was funny as hell
 
I'll make fun of myself as well, this was a couple years ago.

One of the Van locals has this setup that to get to the village there's this out route that you ski down, it's not even steep enough to be a green run. So I'm going down switch, not too fast but not slow, turn onto this little path, and as I'm turning I get a face full of my hood. Just as I look over the other shoulder and start to get the hood out of my way, I see a bright orange fence. I barrel through it, the bamboo sticks that were holding it in go flyyyying, I go flying too... off about a 10 foot drop dow a hill with the fence still attached, and roll right into the rental hut. It was quite the spectacle. My snowboarding friend who was following me down laughed his ass off and helped me put the fence back up. He never let me hear the end of it the whole season. Pretty epic.
 
we had this rope set up to close off a trail, and i was jumping over it (it was about halfway between my knee and waist in size) and one time i got caught and my skis dindt come off even tho it was a very tight rope. it sucked but it was funny
 
hahaha

i havent met one yet in oregon... but i saw a few in colorado last year. they all ski on pocket rockets and jeans
 
one time i saw a total tourist azn trying to go down a pretty steep run. and pretty much did not know hwo to ski. he had jeans, sweatshirt, nad like sunglasses and everything was covered in snow. well he tries to make a turn, and falls COMPLETELY comming out of his boot. but is is still in the ski. then it goes flying down hte hill and halfway down the bunny slope before it finally stopped. i almost died laughing. cuz then he just purposely fell and slid down the rest of hte hill and walked to his boot like it was a regualr fall. then slid his snow-covered foot back in his boot and kept skiing. it was amazing
 
If you look enough, You will actually see eventually some newbie with their boots on the wrong feet, with clips inward!

that is totally nuts, seen it more than once
 
A friend of mine has last year's trashed 1080's with one brake missing. He was hitting the downrail at our local indoor slope, kept on crashing and after a few tries he lost one skin, he picks it up calmly and then throws it away. Naturally it was the ski with the brake missing, landed flat on it's base and launched off to the bottom.

Hilarious, have the whole thing on tape too.
 
the YMCA took a skiing trip to my resort. there were like, 24 black people at our resort on skis. my friends and i have a game where we count how many black people we see each day and then we compare. i won.
 
we don't have texans out here in maine. they're all floridians, or asians. Seriously, half the population of china is at sunday river
 
oh, my favourite guy is chinese, about 50 years old. about 5'9", maybe 170. Bright purple, pink, green and yellow, flourescent, 1970's jacket. size-- small. Huge ass ghetto wool hat, with sunglasses. Jeans. PURPLE ski boots, rear entry. snowblades. Never skiied before. Barely can stand up. The epidome of the man.
 
i went skiing with a few friends a couple weeks ago. one of them is pretty good, another is decent, and the other is ok but she hasnt skied in 4 years. so me and the first friend get on the double lift, and my other friends get on behind us. about 10 seconds into our ride the lift stops, we turn around, and see our friend hanging off the side of the chair. the girl who hadnt skied in 4 years held on to both of her poles, didnt pay attention to where they were, so my other friend tried to sit on the seat but sat on the pole, flipping her off of the chair. so she had to drop from the lift, which was only about 10 feet into snow, and go up with some random who had been in the lift line laughing at them. funny shit.
 
So it was the last real Orage Big Air out in Lake Louise about 3 years ago. It was a pretty big table. At least a good 70 ft, with like a 10 ft high kicker off the deck. So we all do some warm ups and whatnot and everyone was at least a little bit scared of the thing. So after warmups, we are all on the deck waiting for what the format was going to be. Sure enough, this dude (on skis) figures, now he is going to show up all the stupid competitor kids. We all knew that for this thing you had to go fast. So all of a sudden this dude is skiing toward the lip, maybe going fast enough for a 50 ft table. We again all knew it probably wasnt going to feel too good for the guy, but as said, he wanted to show us how good he was, so he throw in some slightly better than pencil steeze 360. Unfortunately, coming up 20ft short on a completely flat deck never works, and the moment he finally got his 3 around in full forward position expecting a nice downhill landing, he nails the deck. Double release, face straight into the ground, and finally went tumbling over the knuckle. Had to get taken away by the patrol, and every one else was saying that it served him right. Right where his face hit the deck, the was already a splash of blood, so he hit good and hard. Moral: Do not poach. I do believe there is video somewhere, because its worth seeing.
 
I was skiing on prophet 130 without brakes with r12 an the binding maxed, anyways the binding snapped and the ski went off a 35 foot table and landed 80 feet from the lip next to some kids,,, i thought it was gonna kill someone.
 
ok ive got a couple,

first is when i was at mt hood a year or so ago during the summer, they had those salt bags that way about 40-50lbs, but someone at the top of the run drops one and it starts going extremely fast, like id say around 80 down the run, and at the bottom of the run there is this catwalk and the park is on the other side, so it hits this tiny ass lip on the catwalk and just shoots like 20 ft up and goes into the terrain park, then it hit a mabye 35-40ish ft table, and it just flew, like it missed the landing by like 100+ feet easily.

then that same week at mt. hood my buddy was skiing down a catwalk and there was this rope that he didnt see, and he was going pretty fast and he hit the rope and just stopped and did a flip and his skis, goggles, backpack and everything like exploded everywhere, and i didnt see the rope either so i was like what the fuck? it looked like he somehow stopped instantly and then everything was flying, it was the wierdest thing ive ever seen. and these snowboarder guys were sitting down like 5 feet away, and they just started cracking up.

then the same friend like a week ago, was with me at loveland, and we were skiing down this kinda steep face, but the snow was crusty. so i was at the bottom watching my friend come down all relaxed and stuff and his ski tips suddenly dug in and he went head first into the snow and dissapered, it was funny as fuck.
 
there was this small girl at our hill. she rode off the side of the jump for a flatdown box. and when she fell, she fell mstraight out of her rearentry boots ajnd one of her skis slid down 50ft and straight into the lake.

fucking hillarious
 
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