Best family guy line

id have to say though,

peter: lois, im obligated to keep loving you so im going to take my rage out on my own body. lets go to dennys.

it reminds me of the time when i ate at dennys in florida and didn't shit for 5 days.
 
peter to chris: I remember when I became a man

Flashback to doctors

Doctor:Peter Griffen your operation was a succes
 
Oh yeah and last week I went back to see Jesus Christ. Turns out he isn't everything hes cracked up to be. Jesus scene of hillarity ensues
 
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Veitnam)

Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. Their gonna be looking for army people.

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.

Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Auctioner: She had nine STDs.

Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.

Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.

Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.

Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Tom Tucker: And now time for Ollie Williams with the Black-U-Weather Forecast. Ollie?

Ollie: It gon rain.

Tom Tucker: Thanks, Ollie.

Peter: (Grabs the microphone at a fast food restaurant) Attention restaurant customers: Testicles. That is all.

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.

Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?

Peter: Oh yeah.
 
and my absolute favorite:

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
 
and im sorry that i said all people from the south have bad teeth and suffer from the gum desiese know as "GINGIVITIS!!!!"
 
Hey americans! Do you like movies? I have "dude my car is not where I parked it but praise allah we are not hurt!"
 
man: sir, could you please remove your van from the diving board

peter: thats not a van, thats my son!

man: hey larry, thats not a van, its just a really fat kid!
 
Doctor: adam west, it appears you have lymphoma.

(adam west flashes back to rolling around in toxic waste.)

doctor:why?

adam: I was trying to gain super powers

Doctor: well that was a stupid thing to do.

Adam: stupid yes. idiotic....yes.
 
peter: ...here comes peter on the clothesline but it's not really peter it's spiderman *hum theme song* come on mary jane lets do...

so good
 
peter- yeah lois if im a child, then ya know what that makes you! a Pedophile!! and ill be damned if im going to sit here and be lectured by a pervert!
 
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"I'd like to solve the puzzle, Go Tuck Yourself In"
 
Lois:Peter what color is a red firetruck?

Peter:Firetruck, firetruck what color are those damn red firetrucks? good thing i watched that discovery channel episode on firetrucks.

Goes to flashback of episode: The firetruck is a silent killer and stalks its prey... shows firetruck in jungle chasing after a gazelle, beats it with its ladder, ambulances come while firetruck is eating it, the ambulances will have to wait there turn.
 
when peter falls through the washing machine and ends up in narnia, or when they are watching california state tropper

Cop on motorcycle pulls over attractive woman in convertable.

Woman; whats the charge officer?

Cop: drivin without my phone number *smiles and winks*

while he holds his smile in the background behind him a huge truck drives by that says in black letters on the side "PURE UNCUT COCCAINE" and a group of mexicans behind it firing machine guns and the cop still keeps smiling at the girl
 
after that he said like "or maybe i should give you a ticket for being too beautiful.

and the show was CHIPS
 
Stewe: Lois I ve got a present for you in my diaper and its not a toaster

Brain: It turned his life up side down ...face

Peter: Meg how let you back in the house

Time for me to hit the old dusty trail

Everybody in the senet that doesnt want to go to wor is GAY

i ve got to strong words for you ... COM ON
 
Stewe: You know waht i do meg, I speet in your mouth wen you slep

James Wood: O peice of candy

Peter: If its me under theire agan im going to be really pist

Lois(trivial Persuit): peter say what

peter:I d like to say how (...)

Peter: lukly i just watch that episode on discovery channel about fire trucks
 
OKAY WELL I BELIEVE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST FAMILY GUY MOMENTS WAS:

THE Y2K ONE WHERE THE CHICKEN MAN GIVES PETER A COUPON AND PETERS GOES

"NO I REMEMBER LAST TIME A MAN IN A CHICKEN SUIT TRIED TO GIVE ME A COUPON"

FLASH BACK

HE TRIES TO USE COUPON THEY TELL HIM ITS EXPIRED HE FLYS THROUGH WINDOW N FIGHTS

THE CHICKEN FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES

OMG THEN LIKE 2 SEASONS LATER RANDOMLY HES TALKING N THE CHICKEN POPS OUT N HE FIGHTS HIM FOR ANOTHER 10 MIN AND COMES BACK N JUST CONTINUES TALKING LIKE HE WAS NEVER GONE HAHAHHAHAA GOOOD TIMESS
 
Fg404-chicken-2.jpg
 
ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy

ooh piece of candy
 
PAGE

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
 
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