Best break up stories

when me and my ex broke up she came to my house beat the shit out of me as i stood there ad took it ripped my tv off the wall threw a ceramic cup threw my wall then on her way out stole my car keys and took my car and my money and went to the mall and bought a new purse for herself. fuck that bitch. and one other day she hit me with her car!
 
I was breaking up with my first anything-close-to-a-gf and was super nervous. So I just sort of sat in her passenger seat and stared straight ahead for half an hour. Didn't say anything but she sort of got the hint. Then we went inside and I somehow got the message across, but not until it was so rediculously awkward.

Pretty hilarious now that I think about it. We never spoke again = job well done
 
79343358-4514-4106-8ddc-5cc065419ca0.jpg
 
my girlfriend cheated on me a bunch then accused me of being a cheater said I didnt plan things enough and then broke up with me. They ya found out she was a whore, funny story right??
 
Had a mildly christian partner, then one time I was in a hotel with some friends during my hating religion phase and I came in the bible where it condemns homosexuality. Later I told her about it on the phone.. a couple days later she comes over and starts by saying small stuff like... hey maybe we should take a break but by this point we had such a monotonous relationship that we were both kind of like... actually... peace out yo. It was good, pretty mutual though she instigated.

I started off loving being single. Years later that love has sort of worn off into a dislike, but I have commitment 'issues' so I need to be fucking head over heels before I commit, and then that has to be mutual... yeah not very common.

Good luck!

My friend made his gf a cake that said 'I think we should see other people' or something... everyone was pissed but his partner because she got cake.. and he knew she would love it.
 
Im 19 now. this happened when i was 15.

I was dating this chick named Nicole and we had just hit our 1 year anniversary. I went over to her house for dinner with her family and we had a feast. Burgers, brats, corn, potatoes, etc. Then her parents whipped out my favorite ice cream.

Then we went up to her room and somethings went down (she went down lawlzzz).

A few days later I was with my friends and I met some chick who i wanted really bad so my buddy took my phone and sent my girlfriend nicole a break-up text. She got it and was not happy.

Then her MOM went to my friends mom and called me a dumbfuck, dumbass, and asshole. (yes i deserved it but i was a freshman in hs. I was stupid)

So once the word of her mom talking shit about me reached to me. I decided to text her mom and let her know what I thought. it went something like this.

"hey. are you really talking shit about a kid in high school? if you have such a problem with me say it to my fucking face and not my friends parents. you are not in high school anymore. grow up."

that is when shit hit the fan. I got a text from my mom asking if I was texting nicoles mom and i said yes. then she said nicole's dad called her and said I was threatening nicoles mom and that i need to stop. they told my parents they were going to call the cops. So then i got really fucking pissed off and sent her another text that went like this

"So you talk shit about a kid in high school behind is back and then when he stands up to you you go and tell his mom??? hahahah you really need to grow up."

Then nicoles dad called my mom and my mom added my dad so it was a three way conversation. My mom treated her dad. Nicole's dad had no idea that her wife was talking shit about me.

This fight spread throughout my town like wildfire and I had other parents that are friends with nicoles parents coming up to me and saying, "we know nicoles mom is crazy and we know what she did to you. You had every right to react the way you did. You are a great kid. dont listen to her bullshit."

Needless to say, I took the victory!!!!!!

whenever i see her parents today her mom ignores me and her dad loves me. nicole and I are on pretty good terms.
 
i once dumped a girl on our year long anniversary. she said "u kin stil have ur present... sob sob...." felt bad then but looking back it was pretty funny
 
Do it in this format.

You: Hey baby wanna see a magic trick?

Her: Ya!

You: Poof! You're single!

Her: (Proceeds to breakdown and tell you how horrible of a person you are whilst running to the fridge to eat graham crackers and frosting)
 
We broke up but didn't tell our parents so her family came over for a dinner a week later and she ended up giving me head/ claim?
 
My good friend started dating her guy best friend but then realized she had no feelings for him other than being friends. They dated for about a month or two and then she decided to break up with him.

She made a sheet on Microsoft Word and this was what it contained:

it was business style, so it included the date, address, and to whom it was addressed

She made a chart titled "dating you." One side was labeled "pros" and the other was labeled "cons."

she left the pros blank and in the cons she attacked. She said how his voice is annoying, he is a hypocrite, he does too many drugs, he isn't even sexually attracted to him, etc. (some very harsh things)

she then put "I'm breaking up with you, and I hope I do not see you soon."

Then she sincerely ended it with a signature and her name.

she folded it up in thirds, and stuck it under his windshield wipers....

quite harsh, but I laughed quite a bit at how she came up with such an idea
 
i had a girlfriend that I met when I lived out east. Moved to IL and she decided she was going to move to IL to live with me about 6 months later. (wasn't really too thrilled) we dated for probably close to another year...had a place together, etc.

When things were ending, she embezzled about $4,000 from the bank she worked at before she moved back to the east coast. I end up getting questioned by the FBI about 6 months later. Apparently she told them that she was in an abusive relationship, blah, blah, blah, and didn't have any way out, so that's why she took the money. Obviously this was complete horse shit...as in not even remotely true at all what so ever, and the FBI saw right through her story.

Crazy bitch. Man, that girl could fuck though.
 
nah dude. IL ain't all that bad. Sure, it ain't the greatest, but it's not even close to being the worst. It's not like it's Nebraska or Kansas....
 
lol this.

but seriously, plant kilo of cocaine in her car and call in the anonymous tip. Then text her saying

"you have 2 minutes before you do 5 to 10 in prison. So whats it gonna be? Fear or prison?
 
I feel like when me and my girlfriend break up its not just gonna be like the normal breakup its gonna happen from a crazy shitstorm of events and lead to one person killing the other.
 
Recently broke up with my gf. It was super awkward but she got a breakup bagel so all was good. You can't be upset while eating a bagel.
 
Couple years ago. I went to her house (cause that's the classy thing to do), broke it off with her. Went to grab a couple things I knew she had that I didn't want destroyed. While I went upstairs, she told her mom and her mom blocked the driveway with her car, preventing me from leaving. I went to my car and the girl ran out, pleading with me. Finally she left me alone and her mom came out, screamed asshole, threw stuff at me and then peeled out. A serious wtf. Probably handled it wrong, but I'm a free man now.
 
so last night i did it! and i knew i was fucked when she obviously knew what i was there to do and the first thing she said is "its just so hard, because i love you". This fucking sucks. I love that girl. you guys gotta understand i didnt break up with her because i felt any differently about her. I have things going on in my life where it is just not time for a girlfriend. I am hoping in a few years when its time for something like a real serious girlfriend she'll be willing to take me back after i broke her heart. FUCK.
 
When I was a sophomore in high school I was dating a freshman for a while. She called me crying one night while I was out with my friends because she got arrested for drunkenly TPing someone's house. I basically said something along the lines of, "Welp, you're on your own. I'm out with my friends. Gotta go!" She sent me a text message 10 minutes later that said, "I'm breaking up with you. I never liked you anyway and neither did my mom." Funniest shit of my life. I'm glad I'm at least minimally more mature than that now.
 
Ask her to do anal. If she says no break up with her. If she says yes then theres no reason to dump her, everyone loves anal.
 
Well you and all of her friends sound like real pieces of shit. Sorry she hurt your dignity but you probably went a bit to far with that one.
 
Theres nothing better than a break up story that ends with the bitch going pregos afterwards.
 
Girlfriend cheated on me a bunch the last month we were together luckily found out soon enough, promptly dumped the biatch. Learned shortly after that she has chronic hiccups.( Yes like the chick on Opra.) This was 2 years ago and i understand she still has the hiccups. KARMA's a bitch.
 
I was a junior at the time and I broke up with my girlfriend of almost two years on valentine's day because I wanted to make it a "special day".... Didn't go over so well. Her sister in college said she was gonna come to my house and kill me, needless to say it was a pretty special valentines day for me
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top