Bad Joke Thread

[MitchT]

This could get ugly but I will start us off.

1. Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope

2. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house

3. What does a clock do when it's hungry? Goes back four seconds

 

[soulskier]

Two goldfish are sitting in their tank when one says to the other, "you man the guns, I'll drive."

 

[stimpyskier]

How do you confuse a blond?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

 

[powderdrunkie]

what's the worst smelling part of moth balls?

the part closest to it's penis

what did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

gagged

 

[NewEscuelers]

SJW says something smart

 

[powderdrunkie]

my dick was in the guiness book of world records

until I got kicked out of the library

 

[Mingg]

What's a ducks favorite drug?

QUACK COCAINE. (Low key favorite bad joke ever)

 

[OregonDead]

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

[MadFlavor]

gays are fucked

 

[Rennis_Deynolds]

I'm gay

 

[*DUMBCAN*]

Why don't pirates drive in the mountains?

'Scurvy.

 

[MitchT]

What's the difference between a cactus and a yellow jacket? With a cactus, the prick is on the outside

 

[BedBugDoug]

difference between a crusty bus station and a lobster with boobs?

ones a busty crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station

 

[250r]

did you hear what was left after the cheese factory explosion?

nothin but debris

 

[magco1271]

How do you cut down a tree?

A suh duudee

HAHAHHA GET IT

 

[sgg.23]

What smells like red paint but is blue?

Blue paint

 

[JohnBolea]

Whats green and has wheels

Grass I lied about the wheels.

 

[DirtYStylE]

 

[User1]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

 

[Slush]

What did the clown do after taking a shit?

flushed

 

[SammyDubz]

What's brown and sticky?

A brown stick

 

[SammyDubz]

What's brown and sticky?

A brown stick

semi-related: me and my friends asked our guidance counselor this in like 6th grade, and her response was "a puppy in a meat grinder"

never stepped foot in her office again

 

[MitchT]

semi-related: me and my friends asked our guidance counselor this in like 6th grade, and her response was "a puppy in a meat grinder"

never stepped foot in her office again

And then the camp food just never tasted the same eh

 

[crotchvent]

Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope

 

[MitchT]

1. Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope

Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they cant-elope

 

[OregonDead]

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

 

[Wrenn]

When it's raining cats and dogs be careful not to step in a poodle

 

[MadFlavor]

How do you make pickle bread?

Dildo

 

[chacha33]

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam

 

[oxiclean]

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

 

[no_steeze]

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.

 

[elcornholio]

I'll calc you later

 

[AGOF]

A pirate is walking down the road with a ships wheel jammed down the front of his pants. When someone asked if that was uncomfortable he replied:

"Yarrr, it's drivin me nuts."

 

[OregonDead]

What word is shorter when you add two letters to it?

 

[Grishnackh]

You know what I heard?

Sheep.

 

[Jesseselman]

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire

 

[S.J.W]

my entire existence on this site