I once received coal for christmas. Through these douchbagish actions I judged Santa's rectum to be under abnormally high pressure, so I inserted the lump of coal deep into the smelly abyss. After Santa laid a monster poop, I dug around in the toilet and retrieved my precious diamond reward. I tipped a spear with the jewel and used my new armament to murder a baby seal. The blubber was processed into heating oil, which I procceeded to pour all over the homeless man that I threw a d-cell at last week. I sparked a blunt with the matches I boldly stole from motel 6 and after lighting up my sour diesel threw it into the pool that had collected all around him. "Das what you git fer seducing my muther into sex with yer cardboard lovin, motherfucker." In an act of mercy, I took the man's smoldering body to the homeless shelter where there might be individuals who might pay their respects to a life lived on the streets. We judged the ribs to be cooked just right, but the thighs were a bit undercooked and required copious amounts of A1 steak sauce to be palatable. It was now my turn for a monster poop.