15 Ways To Amuse Yourself In a Mall

Breheny

Breheny

Active member
15 Ways To Amuse Yourself In a Mall:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolley when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the toilet.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 10 at Pharmacy' ... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on stored transaction.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the houseware and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When an assistant asks if they can help you, begin to cry and

ask, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while

you pick your nose.

10. While handling knives in the kitchenware department ask the

clerk if he

knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

12. In the car accessory department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through shout, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!'

14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker assume the

foetal position and scream, ' NO! NO! It's the voices again!'

And last but not least:

15. Go into a fitting room and yell really loudly....'Hey! We're out

of toilet paper in here!'

___________________________

Aussie represent

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

I almost broke my penis once, i fell down my gfs stairs naked and with a boner, i was never so scared in my life - Lateralis

 
its not as good as the '50 things guys wish girls new' list, but its still pretty funny

___________________________

Aussie represent

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

I almost broke my penis once, i fell down my gfs stairs naked and with a boner, i was never so scared in my life - Lateralis

 
i rode my bike though a mall once, and got arrested.

Farp for Life.

'Id like to please ask our contestants to refrain from using ethnic slurrs, ok so on with the show, here we have Mr. Connery wi...'

'You think your so smart Alex Trebek with your Greasy hair and your Dego mustache.'

'what did i just say about ethnic slurrs!?'

 
yea, thats not as funny as 800 ways to be annoying

_________________________________

line skis- because skiing needs a future

'Two weeks pass and not a stool in sight. By now, I have to go real fucking bad, but the kids won't jump in the pool. I can't even sit down like a normal person; uncomfortable as a ass virgin in prison' - alpentalik

 
i like number 10

'Bagger my ass, its probley just Mill House'

- Homer Simpson

'Is it makeing love when 5 migets spank a man covered in Thosand Island dressing'

-Tolken

Reporting for Duty with a Spork in one hand and a Porno in the other
 
13 is pretty good and yeah i rode my bike at the mall to they dont care..just told us to get off cuz we might hit someone

-Ira

Member No. 8857

Viva La Rèsistance

i think the hustle dance is pretty sick - DENALI44
 
yeah, i wish i was as lucky as you, but they poeple at our mall were assholes, i went to ride away from them and little did i know that they shut off the automatic doors, and i ran into the door, and thats when they caught me.

Farp for Life.

'Id like to please ask our contestants to refrain from using ethnic slurrs, ok so on with the show, here we have Mr. Connery wi...'

'You think your so smart Alex Trebek with your Greasy hair and your Dego mustache.'

'what did i just say about ethnic slurrs!?'

 
i got pushed down stairs in a shopping cart once then some old dude with an oxygen tank started bitching

'Did you know that average penis size is 6.4inches and that the average vaginal canal is 7.9inches? Therefore.... in this country alone, there is over 17,000 miles of unused virgin pussy' - Poolhall Junkies
 
Hahaha wet carpets can seriously be dangerous. Ask Jarrett (GhostDragon) about an arts & crafts store in San Francisco. He'll verify that, haha.

Oh, and you forgot 'Hump and grope mannequins'

-Sdot Odot

'haha it got deleted i guess that not tolerated unless your name is stef. lol oh i just noticed freezy is logged in no wonder' -lj5
 
the best one is:

get a huge cannister for holding gasoline, put a small hole in it, then fill it with water and walk down a crowded sidewalk smoking the fattest cigar you can find.

_____________

''I'd rather die in flaming glory than live a life of mediocrity.''

-Mark Hoppus
 
i really wanna get one of those floaty pool things and just lay in the fountain

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
 
10 and 15 are good

-Lauren

Lauren and Ella: together changing teenaged boys lives since 2001.

THE FIST OF FURY

Fistin' Mad Bitches!

Skiing's not a sport, it's a lifestyle.
 
Nope the best would be to put a trampolitne in ur cart, then find a open space and set it up, preferably by the stereos so u can crank the music up, and get start gettign nasty on the tramp. For added pelasure takeo ne of the mini bikes or mayeb even a kayak onto it.

 
my friend and i superguled some quarters on the floor and watched people try to pick them up, i got a kick out of it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

vive la Thurgood, Scarface, Brian and Kenny
 
go in to vic secert, act like you work there. but only to the fine bitches. ooh also act gay so when they want to know how they look they will ask you maybe

some christian kid today: 'Get drunk off jesus'
 
yeh its probs ment to be for wallmart, watever make it anything you want

___________________________

Aussie represent

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

I almost broke my penis once, i fell down my gfs stairs naked and with a boner, i was never so scared in my life - Lateralis

 
16: Play Hockey, using the whole store as the arena.

17: Get big bouncy balls and throw then as far as you can.
 
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.

Try pants on backwards at the Grap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.

Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock.

Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.

At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”

Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.

Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.

.Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen...

....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they’re “astronaut food”.

Follow patrons of D. Balton’s around while reading aloud from Dianetics.

Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.

Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?”

Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Snears.

Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

Test mattresses in your pajamas.

Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.

If you’re patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.

Sprint up the down escalator.

Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the “hidden picture”.

Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.

Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.

Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a

At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there’s much meat on them.

Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.

Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.

Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.

Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.

In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, “I see London, I see France...”

Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.

Play the tuba for change.

Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play “Jesus Built My Hotrod”.

Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.

Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will “give you a really wicked buzz.”

Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have “any giant junk made out of straw.”

“Toast” plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.

Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.

Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing “Saved by the Bell”.

Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.

Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling “scratch one flat top!”

Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are “leakproof”.

“Play” the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.

Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.

Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they’re real.

If it’s Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.

Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say “Domino’s.”

Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

Show people your driver’s license and demand to know “whether they’ve seen this man.”

Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn’t turned blue yet.

Walk up the skinniest stairs in the mall with your arms out not letting anyone pass and walkin really slow. And any time someone is near yell.

Find one of the huge boom-boxes and turn it to some rock station. Then, turn it off and turn the volume all the way up. Then the next person to check it out will have great fun!

Set all of the alarm clocks in any of the Bed & Bath stores to go off every ten minutes on the loudest setting possible.

Buy the largest soda the stores have available, drink it down to the last inch, then stand behind someone while slurping up the remainding soda as loud as possible,when they tell you to stop it retort that you don't like to waste things.

Men go into women's clothes stores and try on skirts, underclothes, swimsuits, etc. Ask shop assisants what they think (vise-versa for women)

Bring survial gear and "live" in one of the tents in a camping shops. Scream "Help" & "We're under fire" every 5 mins. Make battle noises as well!

Wear you swimming clothes and go swimming in the coin pool! Wear armbands and a rubber ring for extra effect!

Start a sing along in the middle of the mall.

Print lots of "Fake" money, go into the mall (second floor if available) amd throw it all away.

Go into a pet shop and release all the birds, parrots etc. Screaming at the top of your voice "Be free my feathered friends"

Follow someone with children around yelling "mommy I want that!"

Take the money out the fountain while swimming and hand it out to people,spend it or if possible throw it from the second floor (it might hurt someone)

Add strange growths to the giant lego men in the toy stores

Put weird backgrounds on store computers when people aren't looking.

buy a feather boa at a clothing store and hang on to the rail while waving it and screaming "Look everyone I can fly!"

Stand in front of the Gap. "Fall" in repeatedly. Threaten legal action.

When ever someone makes an annoncment over the loud speakers cover your ears and scream "The voices...the voices...make them stop"

With a friend, speak in a different language (or make up your own) and make a seen, pointing at signs and people as if they were something shiny and new that you've never seen before. Pretend you're a tourist.

Walk right on people\'s heels and when they look back at you stop and look at the celing and when they turn back around countine
 
HAHAHAHAHA. I just read all that and laughed hysterically at it. they're so funny and I have some ideas for the weekend now...
 
1. Don't go to the mall because its a bunch of tight pants emo kids and kids decked out in abercrombie that just stand around and act like they are cool.
 
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