Www.fmylife.com

E

Edward.

Active member
www.fmylife.com

idk if this is a repost, but my friend just told me about this website and there really is some funny shit on there. ill share some of my favorite from the site

"Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met

my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she

is still laughing and I have ice on my penis."

"Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were

talking about at a party. Turns out the name “Mom” is right next to

“Mike” in my contacts list."

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I

accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely

take after your mom"

i just figured id share this with you guys if youre bored like i am.
 
its just annoying to read it cuz they all start with Today,... and end with ...FML.
 
"Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for

visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find

something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine

only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys"

haha
 
"Today, I was going to lose my virginity to my girlfriend of 2 months. We decided to go into the woods where nobody would see it. We were rolling around naked for a while, when all of a sudden rashes appeared all over. My girlfriend then noticed we were in poison Ivy and my member had it the worst. FML"

that shit sucks
 
"Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my

friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had

class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML"

oh god. hahahaha

i bet a lot of these are fake
 
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

thats just weird.

maybe it was the guy who smelt his sisters underwear? hah

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police.
 
"Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML"
 
Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML
 
"Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the

five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's

perfectly normal and even she does it. FML"
 
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me

and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked

all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on

me as well. FML
 
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

BAHAHHAHHA
 
"Today, I realized that instead of actually trying to get a job, save

money, lose weight, and get thin so I could maybe attempt to date

again; I'd rather spend my money on a Fleshlight. FML"

"Today, after having waited for 3 long months, my girlfriend, who's

really shy, finally gave me a blow job. Everything was fine until I

said "You're really talented...". I probably shouldn't have added

"Anyone would think you've been practising your whole life." FML"

lol
 
"Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could

join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude

how could I say no...Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML"
 
"Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my

roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all

over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML"

"Today I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang.

Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to

cum I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart". FML"

"Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I

saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’

bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family

heard me. FML"

some of the best
 
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