Worst thing that has been said to you during/after sex

I think you were so drunk you didn't know the difference between ass and vagina, that doesn't just happen.
 
So I went to one of the numerous parties I'm Shmacked threw over Halloweek at FSU. I pregamed hard and got to the club really fucking drunk, and really enjoyed myself, until some people suggested we take some more shots, so I took them and started getting really sloppy.

Towards the end of the night, I was approached by none other than the White Whale, the legend, Moby Dick, (and by all of that poetry I mean I was cornered by a fat chick).

She offered to take me home, but instead DROVE ME TO HER FUCKING APARTMENT.

I freak out, but she suggests we take shots. After a few more shots, I have no memory until I WAKE UP BALLS DEEP IN THIS BITCH, FULL BLOWN AHAB JUMPING FROM THE PEQUOD INTO THE WHITE WHALE.

I freaked and tried to run to my clothes but tripped in my drunkenness and faceplanted on her tile floor, NAKED.

She gave me a ride home and told me I was, "Nothing short of epic".

That was the worst thing ever said to me after sex, EVER, like imagine you were told you were the best at the shittiest thing on earth, then multiply that by 1000000. I never got her name, and she didn't get mine, but all I know is that if I ever see her my peen will probably fall off out of shame.

I managed to impress the beached whale, and not puke. That night was the best and worst night of my life.
 
I heard it's like standing on the street watching your favourite pub burn down right in front of you... They'll probably re-open it at some point, but it just won't be the same.
 
Hahahahaha that's fucking hilarious,

it's honestly not that bad though, it's actually tighter. It's really just a mental thing especially when you're "face to face"
 
"Deeper!" was probably the most embarrassing but she was like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.

"stop. I can't do this, we're too close of friends. I don't want to ruin our friendship"

Hooking up with girl, she pulls the elastic piece of my boxers out all seductively, looks in my boxers and says in a goofy tone, "oh, that's cute". I've never laughed so hard while hooking up with someone.

and of course, the infamous "I think I love you"
 
No words just tears, this was not even after it was right at the start, she asked me next day to go out with her and I said no, because "you ruined sex by balling your eyes out". now shes super hot and Im pissed Fuck.
 
A classic yet inevitable post. You can't comprehend that other people actually get laid while you still have pornhub as your homescreen, so it must be lies. Don't worry tiger, your time to shine will cum soon enough
 
When I lost my virginity my girlfriend looked at me and said "maybe if you weren't a little bitch it would've lasted longer."
 
I can't believe I didn't think of this one earlier. I was banging this girl in a closet at a party and she queefed like 3 times and then says "That's nasty isn't it?" and then says "you pumped me full of air" I didn't know what to say...A couple of years later she ends up in a committed relationship with one of my buddies and we never said a word to each other.
 
Not something actually said but something that happened. One time after hooking up with a girl at my house and filling her navel with my stickies, my dog jumped on the bed and started licking it off her. I literally had to pull my dog away.
 
I really want to up vote this post, but it's at 69 so I'm going to let it stay.

But, high five to you!
 
Not something she said rather something she did. As she was giving my head I heard a little gag look down in time to catch her puke all over my dick. I was not nice to her at all afterward to say the least. I almost puked too it was so disgusting. Never gone from so hard to so soft in such a short period of time.
 
Went bar-hopping with friends, got totally fucked-up, start macking on this girl hard, and take her home.

About 5 mins after..."You know you're friend was better 2 nights ago. You should ask him for advice."

Talk to my friend the next day, and he totally knew who she was. Just didn't say shit.

Still kinda pissed about that.
 
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