What's your best pickup line?

[RalphLauren.]

If you were a door i would slam youIf you were paper i would tear you upIf you were a wolf i would make you howlIf you were a chimney, i would come down inside and leave presents at the bottomDo i owe you 5$, because you just gave me a foot longIf you were a ship i would board your poop deckIf you were a gun i would make you go bang bangIf you were a wild horse i would break youIf you were a restaurant i would dine and dashWill you tone my banjo?Are you a plumber, because i just leaked a littleAre you a gardener, because you just turned my sprinkler onIf you were a slot machine i would blow my load in youDo you own a barn, because my cock needs a place to stay the nightIf you were lewis and i was clark i would let you eat my seamanIf you were a cup of hot water i would teabag youIf you were a bowl of soup i would spoon youIf you were a punching bag i would you all nightIf you were a lug nu, i would lubricate your holeIf you were an engine i would get you with my dipstickIf i were a lightbulb you would turn me on at the speed of lightIf you were mining cave there would be explosions in your shaftIf you were a dumbwaiter i would send my meat up youIf you were broken i would wacky glue youIf you were english i would give you a lot of poundsMy name is nostril, will you blow me?If you were a pickup truck i would ride in the backIf you were sawmill, i would send my log down your wet trenchIf you were a cave, i would go spelunking insideIf you were a christmas soldier, i would put my nuts in your mouth Are you albino, because i'm about to stick it where the sun don't shineAre you an ocean, because i'm about to free my willyIf you were a car i would put my junk in your trunkIf you were a widow i would break you from the insideIf i was Bob Marley i would jam all over youIf i worked at Panda Express you could lick my egg role and wantonsIf you were a gopher i would put my hose in your hole If i was NASA i would send a probe deep into Uranus If i was a train robber i would raid your caboose
those are were all thought of by me and a few friends