What is the craziest thing you've woken up to after a night of partying?

If I post it some cocksucker on here will probably notify my school and get my friends and I thrown in jail
 
One morning I woke up and thought it was Monday. I got up, peed, brushed my teeth, and realized it was Sunday. Then I went back to bed.

 
Once I woke up with the worst hangover ever and my asshole friend switched my water with vodka when i was asleep. chugged the shit out of that and yacked errywhere. Also OP's mom
 
Nothing really crazy...the one time I did L and drank, I lost a lot of my clothes and everything else I brought, and had a baseball-sized violet bruise on my hip
 
I'd say it's what I didnt wake up to. No phone, wallet, keys, college ID card. Only thing I had was a messed up thumb from a mystery accident
 
After reading the reddit thread my response is pussyshit, I'll get blackout this weekend and report back on sunday
 
But my second craziest one was I woke up in a parking lot cuddling with a traffic cone. Then sprinted home with it and when I got inside there were 5 other traffic cones scattered about in my living room....
 
I'm a classic wake up and think someone is standing in the room. Woke up in a friends bed and vaguely saw what I thought was a very tall person standing in the corner. Turned out to be her closet door with a jacket or something hanging off the edge. Finally figured it out when I went up and asked it if I could go to the bathroom.

Probably the craziest thing I woke up to was in my own apartment my junior year of college. I woke up in my bed and felt a draft / heard something weird. I lived on the 3rd story of my building. I walk into my living room and both windows are wide open (no screens of anything), my roommates record player was playing a skipping record, there were newspapers all over the floor. Something like they show in the Hangover movies after the wild nights. Laughed hard.

I also woke up one time to my windows open again, with christmas lights hanging out the window and my couch cushions in the yard (mind you 3 stories down). When I popped my head out the window and saw this on the ledge over the lower neighbor's window:

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A large pile of my yack. Didn't remember doing it and I don't know how I managed to not put my head in it
 
got real threaded and pooped on the bathroom floor. right next to the toilet. Woke up to that. Rommate aws so pissed she went nextdoor and slept in the adjacent condo
 
MY bitch roommate got roofied and took a massive shit on my bathroom floor next to my toilet. I cleaned some of it with her toothbrush then slept at my neighbors so I wouldn't have to deal with the hot mess that was my roommate.
 
2 Black eyes. I thought I could do parkour one night and tried to hand spring off of a bike ramp leading to my dorm. I smacked my face off of a light post at some point in the fall. Totally concussed and my friends dragged me to the elevator and got me in my room.
 
woke up this summer on my roof. if any of you are from WA and have gone to hoopfest in Spokane, you will understand
 
woke up from a blackout to a pillow covered in blood and no idea wtf had happened, looked in the mirror to see this, so fucking scary. I guess I got into a fight on my way home from the bar right before thanksgiving, thats what happens when you drink beer all day then RBV's until 4 am.

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my friends idiot roomate shit on the floor so he came over to stay at my house. i hate that guy, wish he would stop staying at my house.
 
woke up alone in a ballin' ass room on the 15th floor of the Tahoe Harvey's Casino that I had bought at 4am after a sound tribe show. sick view of the lake n everything! it was supposed to be for me and my roommates cause I got us kicked out of our first hotel room, but I lost them cause I was blackout drunk and my phone was dead. this was after getting kicked out of the end of the tribe show for running around the kitchens n stuff and ended up at the loading dock. they had seen me on the cameras so I wasn't allowed back in haha.

found out the room was $180 a night when I looked at my online banking. the charge mysteriously disappeared a few days later, much to my delight.
 
From the reddit thread "One time I woke up in a disgusting abandoned trailer with a backpack full of lawn gnomes and an extra $20 in my pocket." this one made me laugh pretty hard.
 
Got roofied in Rome with my friend on his 18th birthday. I woke up with my feet still in the hotel hallway and no idea what happened. My friend was sleeping in my rooms bathtub and his 500 dollar watch had been stolen. He still claims it's his best birthday ever.
 
I threw a party last weekend when the house was empty and after about 11:30 there isn't much memory. Well, I woke up about 6 am and took and some vitamins and drank some water while looking at my trashed house. I woke up again at around 10 with about 5 of my friends still there (1 saint of them woke up at 7 and cleaned without stopping until like 2, he's a savior). Only at this point did I realize that my bed and everything around me was soaked, and my friend informed me that as he was trying to feed me water I pissed everywhere in my bed. After hearing this, I still didn't proceed to get out of my bed for another 2 hours. I thought I should probably get out after being informed of this, but my hungover self decided that I should own my own liquids and enjoy them. And that I did. After I finally did get out of my urine-soaked bed, I threw up until 5. Good day.

Another funny little story about that party is my friend went down to the basement at like 3 am to see his brother and a girl wildly fucking on a mattress on the floor. Then he noticed a kid sitting in a swivel chair watching them, who then turned around and said to my friend, "A lot of strange noises down here." He then turned the chair back towards the mattress and continued watching.
 
Being pulled out of the passenger seat of a car half hanging out caught in the seat belt parked on somebodies lawn, then waking up again the same morning on some strangers bathroom floor while some chick was pissing. Good night
 
I woke up covered in piss with a hawaiian shirt and nothing else on, so I untied the belt around my neck and strolled on home... fuckin bar mitsvas man
 
Three angry construction workers knocking on my door at 7 in the morning. Apparently stacking those construction barrels right in front of the window was a bad idea.
 
I once woke up with only one piece long underwear on, pen all over my chest (only nice drawings no wieners) and proceeded to try and steal a monkey costume from a girl I'd befriended. She awoke from her slumber and stopped me.
 
woke up underneath a bed and hit my head on the bed springs. climbed out from underneath and and kid ive never seen before looks down and screams like a girl... I screamed just as loud... First night in boulder
 
visited my little brother at college a while back. had a rather wild evening during which i lost him and virtually everyone else i knew and ended up waking up on a couch in his frat. nothing to crazy.

then i went to my brothers dorm room.

he was passed out on the floor underneath a large table he and his roommate had evidently taken from somewhere. he was covered in dirt head to foot and all of his pockets were stuffed to the brim with dead leaves. his roommate was passed out in his bed covered in scrapes, scratches and bruises with a large bloody gash on his forehead that had soaked my brother's pillow in blood.

when I woke them up neither of them remembered anything and no one we asked the next day had any info on what had happened to them. the best part was my brother had dislocated his shoulder the week before and was in a sling so i have no idea how he carried that table to his room
 
now my friends didn't have much respect for my room mates, and my room mates basically furnished the apartment. I came back to my apartment one morning to find my apartment just destroyed, shit broken everywhere, furniture flipped, flour and honey all over the kitchen floor. I was pretty upset that my room mates let this happen.

Then I walked into my room and found my room re-organized into a better set up than I had previously had it, and perfectly clean. I immediately forgave my homies, called them up, and went skiing before my room mates could wake up.
 
This one time, I woke up with my cell phone...

Headphones...

Wallet with NO MONEY OR CARDS MISSING...

KEYS...

AND ALL MY CLOTHES!!!!!

That was pretty wild, a once in a lifetime experience for sure.
 
Shit you just reminded me...

Woke up on a couch to girls voices, looked around and didn't recognize the house at all. They came into the room and told me that I came down the alley screaming that some guy was chasing me with a knife so they quickly let me come in. I guess once I got in I told them I was lying and that I was lost and just needed a place to charge my phone to call my friends, and they only believed me because a guy was actually running down the alley behind me... Apparently this all happened around 4am so of course none of my friends answered. I guess next my drunken self tried to get a foursome goin with the 3 girls lol. Needless to say it was super embarrassing hearing all this from complete strangers. I'm just glad they were cool enough to still let me sleep there and give me a ride home in the morning even after trying to pull a foursome lol.

Fuck tequila
 
I was still shitfaced in the morning. I don't even remember where they live, and definitely wouldn't even recognize them if I saw them
 
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