What is marriage, and why is it such a big deal anyways?

In De-Lovely, the new film about songwriter Cole Porter’s life, Porter tells his wife, Linda, about his homosexuality. Linda, who is the inspiration behind his genius, tells him that his music comes from his talent not from his behavior. But she does beg Porter to give up his scandalous behavior so as “not to put us at jeopardy,� a promise Porter isn’t prepared to make.

The prospect of a marriage where children, permanence, and fidelity are in doubt is supposed to make us pity Linda Porter, even if she was complicit in her own plight. After all, who would opt for such an arrangement? Well, according to one scholar, many Americans have. And understanding how and why this is the case is crucial to understanding the push for same-sex “marriages.�

According to Bryce Christensen of Southern Utah University, homosexuals don’t want marriage, at least not marriage as understood for most of the past two millennia. They want what “marriage has become� as a result of cultural changes and bad policy choices.

Historically speaking, marriage was an institution “defined by religious doctrine, moral tradition, home-centered commitments to child rearing, and gender complementarity . . . � Today, it is a “highly individualistic and egalitarian institution.� Marriage no longer “[implies] commitment to home, to Church, to childbearing, to traditional gender duties, or even (permanently) to spouse,� so writes Christensen.

Traditionally, the “husband-wife bond� was defined by “mutual sacrifice and cooperative labor.� But that has been replaced by “dual-careerist vistas of self-fulfillment and consumer satisfaction.�

According to Christensen, no one should be surprised that homosexuals want “the strange new thing marriage has become.� After all, “contemporary marriage . . . certifies a certain legitimacy in the mainstream of American culture.� In addition, it “delivers tax, insurance, life-style, and governmental benefits.�

And, best of all, from the homosexual’s perspective, it does all of these things “without imposing any of the obligations of traditional marriage.� If childbearing, sexual fidelity, and permanence are no longer central to our culture’s understanding of marriage, but the benefits are the same, why not agitate for marriage?

Christensen says that it would be a mockery to issue marriage license to couples who, by definition, “can never have children,� “will not resist the temptations to extramarital affairs, and will not preserve their union for a lifetime.�

But, as he reminds us, this mockery of wedlock started “decades ago.� It started when hundreds of thousands of heterosexual couples started “buying basset hounds rather than bassinets; started indulging in extramarital affairs; and started fulfilling divorce attorneys’ dreams of avarice.� The result was marriages that more closely resembled the one depicted in De-Lovely than the traditional model.

This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t fight the attempt to extend the marriage franchise to same-sex couples. It’s still a mockery of a sacred institution. But it does mean that our efforts should be part of what Christensen calls a “broader effort to restore moral and religious integrity to marriage as a heterosexual institution.�

Until that happens, marriage, regardless of who gets a marriage license, will remain an institution in jeopardy.

WE TAKE THESE RISKS NOT TO ESCAPE LIFE, BUT SO THAT LIFE DOES NOT ESCAPE US
 
wow. And all this time, I thought marriage was about love. stupid stupid me

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I Love Jenna Malone
 
all truisms, as far as im concerned.

if you dont mind me asking, of what religious persuasion are you?

Mercy's eyes are blue

When she places them in front of you

Nothing holds a roman candle to

The solemn warmth you feel inside

 
him.

Mercy's eyes are blue

When she places them in front of you

Nothing holds a roman candle to

The solemn warmth you feel inside

 
Eventhough I am somewhat nascent when it comes to marrage, I agree that most people do not take it serious enough. IT is not all about love. Love is on the list, but respect, honor and communication are farther up on the list then love for me. I thought I loved my wife when i got married, however, I now realize that i just really really liked her. When you live with someone and deal with there everyday quirks and issues and still stick around, you now know that you love the other person. I think too many people are impious in respect to marrage.

 
What are the 'truisms' you speak of?

And you are right, marriage is about love...but love doesnt pay the bills, and society can't run on love, as essential as it is. (look at the hippies in the 60's.. they realized that 'free love' did NOT fix all the world's problems.)

This essay deals with marriage from a strictly academic standpoint, deals with its benefits to society, it does not deride the existence of love as the main ingredient.

May I ask what love is to you? To me, love is commitment, the 80 year old couple you see walking down the street hand in hand even thought hey are both old and sick, but still with each other. Love is the kids that drive halfway across the country to be with their old and sick parents for Christmas, even though they'd rather be somewhere else. Love is giving up what you want for the better good of someone else, for the benefit of society as a whole.

Love isn't an attraction to someone, who will later be ditched if the going gets tough or someone more attractive comes along. That seems to be the current definiton of love, and hence this essay on what marriage has become.

And I am most certainly NOT a Catholic. I am not a member of ANY orginized religious group,I DESPISE organized religion for creating the problems it has in society. I am simply a guy who used to live for skiing and smoking drugs and had no idea where I was going with my life, and has now read the Bible and seen the truth thats in it and realized how it can help my life. Ive seen how the Judeo-Christian belief system has been essential to the founding of all the most succesful countries in the world, and don't understand why everyone wants to abolish it in favor of a new, untested moral code.

WE TAKE THESE RISKS NOT TO ESCAPE LIFE, BUT SO THAT LIFE DOES NOT ESCAPE US
 
Did you read the essay? I AM looking to the future, and I'm scared. That is why I am standing up for what I belive in and taking this very unpolitically correct viewpoint.

If the institution of marriage continues to erode, societies problems will continue to grow. Its been proven that divorce causes kids to have emotional problems...if theres no commitment between partners, as soon as problems come marriage will dissolve.

There is currently a huge problem in North America, as large numbers of aging seniors need retirement homes to live in. In the past, the extended family included Grandpa and Grandma, the kids all helped take care of the older parents, who in turn helped take care of the grandkids.

Now that is no longer a reality. The family is no longer the important fixture in society it once was...the kids are off at day care, daddy's got a mistress, mommy's banging the cute guy from work, Granny spends her time walking around in circles in the rest home all alone cuz she got divorced from Grandpa who walks separate circles in a seperate rest home.

WE TAKE THESE RISKS NOT TO ESCAPE LIFE, BUT SO THAT LIFE DOES NOT ESCAPE US
 
I think the point being made was that he is worried about the direction marrage is going. I personally think that marrage should be between a man and a women. However that is because of my christian convictions and thoughts on natural selection. However, i believe he is correct in pointing out the severe erotion that is occuring.

 
I think that it is not up to us to make that decision. With 'us' being people in a general sense. I think that the other variable listed prior have a greater negative impact on marrage.

 
True, but as voters we have a right to decide what decisions are made by the people in power.

WE TAKE THESE RISKS NOT TO ESCAPE LIFE, BUT SO THAT LIFE DOES NOT ESCAPE US
 
I did a family law assignment on marriage but I can't really remember what I wrote. It was more to do with how it is now a lot easier to get divorce (here we have no fault laws) then before (when they were fault based laws).

Mark: 'Timo how do you sleep in Finland when it's light all day long?'

Timo (Fireside Lodge pimp) 'You just close your eyes'

Member# 101
 
so wait, your saying that if gay marriage is allowed, gay people won't love their partners as much as straits, and if they adopt, they won't love their kids as much?

'collars up are officially gay, but layering 2 polo shirts is still acceptable'

-ATLANTASKI

'r u sayin we r being censored by da goverment?

fuck pussy dick suckin lips'

-freeze_pooter
 
gay people r gay and should all be shipped off to australia so they can all be happy and all us normals have to do is wait a generation and all gay people will be dead. yay im solving the worlds problems one at a time.

dont get it twisted
 
^haha, yeah, we should just let natural selection decide......

It's so cold out here, if it started raining it would SNOW!-kid on my team

There's Nothing To It But To Do It.

-Latch

 
Well, that was offensive. What was worse was your description of 'love'. That's just about the bleakest thing I've ever heard. I have to say, I totally disagree, and I'm always shocked at positions like that, because I consider the philosophy of love my only realforte as far as knowledge is concerned. It's far more difficult to grasp than 'commitment', although if it's not something you're willing to commit to permanently, there are some questions to be raised... but that is only a small part of a very complex emotional structure (emotion being the key word... your model places rather excessive emphasis on will).

I'm not going to even try to put the whole concept into words here... if Shakespeare couldn't do it completely, you immediately have to assume that it'll take a while, and I'm not feeling ambitious.

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In a haze

A stormy haze

I’ll be around

I’ll be loving you

Always

Always

Here I am

And I’ll take my time

Here I am

And I’ll wait in line

Always

Always...
 
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