Today i peed my bed

My roommate keeps pissing on shit when hes fucked up, his door, the kitchen floor, now i wake up this morning and find the cable box and ps3 don't work and they're all wet. Fucking great, and he says he wasn't that drunk last night and didn't black out, so since i have no proof of what the mysterious wet spot is in front of the tv i'll probably have to dish out 200 bucks for this shit to pay for the ps3 that isn't ours, god i hope it works after it dries out this is bullshit.
 
yea, i was mad sick and everytime i farted in bed it squirted out mad diaria, it was nasty, i was everywhere, but for some reason i didnt care and i woke up covered in shit because i was rolling around in it all night.. true story
 
my friend wiped jizz on this other kids face while he was sleeping. it was on a tissue and the next morning, it was stuck to the side of his face. he flipped so much shit.
 
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oh THAT bottle, thats my piss, nah jk its just lemon lime gatorade. but seriously dont drink that shit.

they had to tear all of the sinks out of the dorms cause guys were using them as urinals.
 
i used to as a kid... and have a few years back when i was wasted... just had a dream about taking a piss and then i woke up...

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 
so heres my friend jeremy. he is fucking one of my female roomates. one night i get a call

"hey greg, what are you guys doing tonight? i'm not working tonight (groomer at breck) and im looking to get hammed. im gonn abe the drunkest one at your house fo' sho"

so i go to the liquor store to buy him some rum. i purchased him some fine Rico Bay, because it was 7$ cheaper than the next cheapest shitty rum. he put away half the bottle in about 20 minutes while also playing pong and drinking beer. he disappeared for a while. one of my roomates went downstairs to his room to find jeremy standing in the middle of his room in the dark holding up this kids boxers. apparently jeremy wasnt wearing any because he had just gone swimming (freeballing in jeans is apparently extra uncomfortable when youre hammed) he was at this point unable to communicate and resembled a newly reanimated zombie.

jeremy as a zombie (im not wearing a shirt because of a shitty pong rule i made that is supposed to make females remove their shirts)

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so we get jeremy upstairs and sit him in a chair. he kept trying to get up so i decided to put some newspapers on him to hold him down. this worked quite well, drunken zombies are apparently easily subdued by sheets of newspaper. eventually, jeremys GF was concerned and started removing newspapers only to find jemery had slightly wet himself. he was still awake, yet unable to communicate.

newspapers removed, sharpie applied

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so we get this kid up and get him to walk around a bit, get some water in him, bring him outside...normal things you do to make sure people dont die. we sat him back down in the piss chair to make sure he didnt soil anything else. 2 minutes later i walk into the kitchen to find this :

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that there is a nice mixture of urine and vomit on his tall tee. while he was standing in the kitchen he removed his pants, attempted to wash them in the sink, and then proceeded to urinate on my kitchen floor. kid sent it. the next morning he attempted to clean our chair cushions with windex. he then went to breck to pick up his employee pass. he did not know there were dicks on his face.

spark notes: this kid went piss crazy

 
I sat myself when i was sleeping once, i had a 24 hour virus and was vomiting/diarrheaing everywhere so i think it was called for.

My brother told me this story:

his friend once woke up. he realized he was in bed at some chicks house with the chick. he also realized he shat the bed. So he gets up, cleans himself off, and realizes its no use to try to clean it. he manages to push it over to the girl so it looks like she did it. then he yells "OMG! what the fuck?!?!??!" she wakes up, see the shit, completely embarrassed and hes like "Thats fucking gross... im out..." and he ran out of there.
 
Haha i actually just the other night pissed my bed. I was wasted and woke up in a puddle. Sucked bad. And i shit my bed once too
 
it is. i did it once when i was like 3 or 4.

i pissed my bed for quite a while too, i must have been born with a shitty bladder or something lol
 
ive done it a few times, my brother does it like once a week.

this is fucked up, one night i was really really wasted, id never had a wet dream before in my life, i woke up in the morning and i had both pissed myself and had a wet dream somehow.
 
hahaha one time i like had a dream i was going to the bathroom and i woke up and i had peed while i was sleeping. madd gross but i had no idea
 
me and my friends got super crunk last summer, and one of them (who acts way more fucked up then he is...usually) decided to lie down in the road. I thought he was fakin so to test it, i told him i was gonna pee on him. He didn't move...so i pissed on his face, he woke up like 10 min later, we didnt tell him why he smelled so bad until a month later lol.
 
haha that reminded me, one time i had pissed my bed the night before and i didnt have a sheet on the bed or anything when i pissed it, my girlfriend was coming over but i didnt think she was staying long, she ended up spending the night....i put a sheet on the bed quick but it leaked through and she was like what the fuck why is this wet, i said i had spilled a drink on the bed the night before, i put down another blanket and moved on.
 
ickk. that kid in the tall tee story was siiick nasty.my worst story was the first time i ever drank.i came home hammered thinking i was being all smooooth.only to piss myself right infront of my grandma. i stood there laughing thru the ENTIRE thing and then walked into the house only to vomit the contents of mystomach onto the kitchen floor. hooray :)
 
i peed on the floor once because i was seeing double and had to make a guess whether the toilet was on the left or right of my vision, turns out it wasn't where i thought it was
 
in the summer i was at a bon fire with my friend and he got way to drunk, it took us an hour to stumble back to his house and as soon as we got there he hit the floor and i took the couch beside him. at like 2 in the morning i woke up cause i was getting pissed on head to toe. it turns out my friend still thought we were in the forest and he was trying to piss on a tree.. i started screaming at him and pushed him over so he then decided to just keep going vertically so it was coming back down on to him.
 
My one friend this year decided he would guve up wackin it for lent. and ya thts fucked up for me to know but he was proud any ways a few days ago his body couldnt take it and more and woke up to a bed of goo, isnt tht fucked up
 
Once I knew some kid who got busted for partying because he woke up at like 6 in the morning, to go home and get into bed before his dad woke up, but didn't realize he had dicks and shit sharpied all over his face.

lolarious
 
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