if you guys wouldn't mind taking a look at my essay and givin some feedback here it is:
David Jones I believe in having yourthing. I think everyone needs hisor her thing no matter what it is. That thing where no matter what mood you’re in, no matter what kind ofday you had, it will make it better. That thing that when it seems like the endof your life is coming because you’re so stressed out that you can do and beback on top of the world.When I was around 11 years old mymom and dad bought my siblings and I our first sets of skis. So we went to the local hill to learnhow to ski. It was very frustratingas is anything when you are first trying to do it. After many falls and wipeouts we all eventually learnedhow. Slowly we began to prefectwhat we were doing.As I was growing up I saw skiing asone of the most fun things in the world. It was something my family and I always had. We would go up every weekend and have the greatest timetogether. We would always laughand work with each other to become better.Now that I am older and am now acollege student a lot of stressful things have come into my life. I have to worry about paying forschool, paying for books, getting homework done, tests coming up, or why thatcertain girl doesn’t like me.I am up to my eyes in debt, and Ijust got an F on my test but I just got to the local hill. I feel that cold air on my face drop myskis into the snow. I click in andhead toward the lift. Now I’m onthe lift and I am at peace. For thenext couple hours nothing can bring me down. My debts are gone, my F’s are gone and I could care lessabout that girl. I am in heaven.EndFragment
David Jones I believe in having yourthing. I think everyone needs hisor her thing no matter what it is. That thing where no matter what mood you’re in, no matter what kind ofday you had, it will make it better. That thing that when it seems like the endof your life is coming because you’re so stressed out that you can do and beback on top of the world.When I was around 11 years old mymom and dad bought my siblings and I our first sets of skis. So we went to the local hill to learnhow to ski. It was very frustratingas is anything when you are first trying to do it. After many falls and wipeouts we all eventually learnedhow. Slowly we began to prefectwhat we were doing.As I was growing up I saw skiing asone of the most fun things in the world. It was something my family and I always had. We would go up every weekend and have the greatest timetogether. We would always laughand work with each other to become better.Now that I am older and am now acollege student a lot of stressful things have come into my life. I have to worry about paying forschool, paying for books, getting homework done, tests coming up, or why thatcertain girl doesn’t like me.I am up to my eyes in debt, and Ijust got an F on my test but I just got to the local hill. I feel that cold air on my face drop myskis into the snow. I click in andhead toward the lift. Now I’m onthe lift and I am at peace. For thenext couple hours nothing can bring me down. My debts are gone, my F’s are gone and I could care lessabout that girl. I am in heaven.EndFragment
