This Car Sucks (rant)

Quinny

Quinny

Active member
I'm back bitches! And if you meet any of the following criteria, you are special...and should exit this thread immediately.

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Please do your best to comply with these six rules, you have been warned. Remember, God smotes another soulless, un-baptized, child every time you break one of these rules. When in doubt, just think about the those poor non-Christian children.

Are there any particular cars that you hate? That make you feel like you want to decapitate someone with a kitchen knife every time you see one on the road? Cars that look like shit? Cars that don't seem useful to anybody? Cars that only genuinely stupid people would buy?

This one takes the cake:

02escalade_ext.jpg


Are you a white collar worker looking to stick to your blue collar roots? Are you hot to go muddin' after your 9 o'clock board meeting? Are you a stupid asshole? Look no further than the Cadillac Escalade EXT. Okay, honestly? Who the hell would piss away 60k on one of these things? Why would you put half a pickup bed on the end of your luxury SUV?

Lets see. You have an automatic transmission, heated leather seats, a Bose satellite radio...bullfuckingshit you're ever going to use that half-assed bed. It's not practical at all. Instead of having that extra row of seats, or a cargo hatch back so your stuff doesn't get stolen or rained on, you have a stubbly little back that couldn't hold enough water to fill a bathtub. You can't even fit anything of reasonable size in the back of one of those.

Jesus Christ! This car is so shitty that real trucks have better mpg. Lets make a comparison:

MPG (city):

Cadillac Escalade EXT: 13

Chevrolet Colorado Crew Cab: 17

Chevrolet Silverado 1500 Extended Cab: 15

Dodge Ram 1500 Mega Cab: 14

Ford F-150 SuperCab: 14

Toyota Tundra: 15

Nissan Titan King Cab: 14

MPG (hwy):

Cadillac Escalade EXT: 17

Chevrolet Colorado Crew Cab: 22

Chevrolet Silverado 1500 Extended Cab: 19

Dodge Ram 1500 Mega Cab: 18

Ford F-150 SuperCab: 18

Toyota Tundra: 18

Nissan Titan King Cab: 18

The Escalade has WORSE mpg than any of those trucks. These aren't little trucks either...these are the BIG trucks used by farmers, construction workers, ranchers, hunters, and forest rangers around the world. All of those real trucks are also significantly cheaper than the Escalade. You are nothing but a moron and a toolbag if you buy an Escalade to haul anything!

If something isn't really practical on a car, it's usually a luxury or aesthetically pleasing. This is neither. It's just another ill conceived idea that suckers tasteless snots that don't have the sense to buy a real car or truck. If you really haul enough crap to need a pickup bed...you will buy a REAL pickup truck that can hold more than your aunt Orpha. If you're trying to impress people with your luxury car...you will buy a REAL car that doesn't look like a cheap marketing ploy from GM.

You what a luxury car? You can buy higher performance Audis, BMWs, Lexus, Buicks, Infinitis, Land Rovers, Mercedes, and even other Cadillacs with all the same crap for cheaper. You are nothing but a moron and a toolbag if you buy an Escalade EXT as a luxury car.

You want a use for that thing? I've got one! Haul away all the crap out of your branch corner office when you're were laid off by the company because you were an insecure little shit that just pushes paper and licks the CEO's nuts, proving that your just another useless worker ant with a poor taste in cars. If any of you own an EXT, I hope you get drunk while driving and plow into a pregnant lady the day before your best friends wedding!

Fuck You Cadillac! Fuck you for making this piece of shit. And a big "Fuck You!" anyone and everyone who bought this car and convinced GM to manufacture them for more than one year.

Question: Whats more useful than a Cadillac Escalade EXT?

Answer: A paraplegic that plays soccer.
 
thats helpful because alot of people on here have $60k to put into an escalade. ill take a z06 instead, thanks.
 
wow...you seem to have alot of hate for something that dosen't concern you at all. nice rant by the way. haha
 
Question: Whats more useful than a Cadillac Escalade EXT?

Answer: A paraplegic that plays soccer.

^new sig? i think so. haha nice rant, totally agree.. just get a real truck
 
yeah but the lingenfelter vette is a C6 not a ZO6, but it is SICK as hell nontheless! Im more a fan of TTs, such as the viper TT modded by hennessey.

I do agree though that trucks like the EXT and its cheaper brother, the avalanche are worthless pieces of GM crap, actually anything other than C6 or the ZO6, and just barley, and i do mean just barley the GTO (which has been discontinued again!) are crap. Ill give it to GM that they have good powertrains, and the new allisons transmissions behind the 07 trucks are awesome, but the interiors SUCK! They are very plasticy and cheap feeling!

Also the colorado/cheynne pickups dont beloing in that list because they are a light truck with on Inline 5 cyclinder engines.
 
this kid just called you a bitch and he has 3 posts!!!! dont send him an invite!!! tear him to shreds!!!!

and quinny, nice read as always
 
but he likes 24, so i can support that. If you like 24, you can call me most anything. Plus its online, hes prolly a pimply 13yr old that has no hair on his nuts and would never say it to me in person anyways!
 
hey man lets not throw insults around. i called you a bitch because it seems like you are the weak type and i thought what the hell, maybe he will like that i called him a bitch and we can hook up or something. then immediatly after i posted i realized thier is a 1 in 8 chance he has aids and i was like oh shit. if he does want to hook up and he has aids turning him down will be difficult. because we all know people with ais are difficult and if you get in a scuffle with them the could get thier blood on you. and if that happens then your life would be considerably damaged. and i always had great plans.for instance i want to be rich. i mean if i get aids i wont be able to have the random sex with beautiful woman that the majority of rich people have , i wouldnt be able to share needles when i go on heroin binges. i mean gettingn aids would really suck. my body would not be able to take the abuse it would need to be able to take if i want to be a pro bull rider/skier. so in no way was i insulting you. i mean if i was insulting you i would say fucking cunt ass hoar. and as you have aquired is i have no motherskulfucking pimples asshole
 
OH NO! i've seen something much worse than that. we get these a lot here in cali with all the mexicans but here it is. a chevy silverado with a cadillac escalade front end! they lower them and put them on shiny rims and look fuckin retarded! next time i see one ill be sure to take a picture cause its something you gotta see to believe.
 
i dont know how anyone could prefer a truck or suv over a small little car. cars are more fun,easier to drive and get better mpg
 
obviously there is a demand for these kinds of trucks when lincoln and chevrolet entered the market with their own type of suv/truck cross-over. not to mention that the ext is one of the most stolen cars in america.

"However, according to Cadillac, 20 percent of "luxury" households own a pick-up truck, and 23 percent of Cadillac owners also own a pick-up. Both GM and Ford have reported that Escalade and Navigator owners tend to be younger (in their 30s, 40s and 50s) and with higher household incomes than owners of other Lincoln and Cadillac vehicles. Further, Cadillac also notes that 36 percent of current Escalade buyers are women.

The General's research team found that luxury sedan buyers often have or want a full-size SUV or truck as a driveway companion for hauling boats, families and gear, or for four-wheel drive capabilities. As a result, it was determined that a luxury-level SUT with multiple capabilities would be a home run amongst their demographic target market.

EXT is, indeed, an impact player for the GM team, rather than a pinch hitter. With 90 percent shared parts from the Avalanche bloodline, but with new technologies and a Caddy badge, this ute is aimed at a slightly younger crowd with an average age of 40 with higher incomes than traditional SUV buyers (average income around $110,000) and who work in skilled trades or other similar careers, as opposed to professional/managerial jobs. "
 
the honda ridgeline fits into this catagorey too, although it has some ok ideas behind it.

Also theres that gay subaru thats like a wagon with 1/10th of a bed on it
 
you know what else i really hate-

those subaru... bajas? i think they're called with the joke of a cab in the back. what the fuck is that all about?
 
it would take the rigt 'car' to get me outta my jeep, and that car wouldnt be anymore fuel effiectent. 7.5Ls dont do to hot for gas!
 
u know wut man u probably think it's the worste out there because u cant aford one so dont put your gelosy out on the net keep it to yourself. and trust me my dad takes his mudding all the time
 
those suck so bad. What's the point? you can't haul anything in it anyways. It sucks as a car, sucks as a truck, and sucks as an SUV. and yet people still buy them
 
That still doesn't take away from the fact that they really aren't that practical, way overrated, and ass-ugly. No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the consumer.
 
If I were really that jealous, would I be pointing out the reasons that car itself is crap? You couldn't pay me to own one of those. Actually, you could...then I would trade it in for credit and promptly buy a real car. That way I would have cash in my pocket and no worthless EXT sitting in my garage. Win-win.
 
excelant rant

i enjoyed that very much

but there is one plus to that escalade

and that is that it has many shiny thing on it.
 
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