"The Onion" headlines if it was a skiing website
- Thread starter BBurt
- Start date
Deforestation
Active member
So basically extreme sarcasm? Ok
"OP receives world record from Guinness for best post on NS"
"OP receives world record from Guinness for best post on NS"
theBearJew
Active member
"Alta to add a new lift this winter to take skiers to Chads gap from the bottom of Alta."
theBearJew
Active member
"Alta ski patrol has blow up all of the plans for the new Chads Gap lift"
270on420out
Active member
"NSG goes 24 hours without a political argument"
crotchvent
Active member
Secret hut in the woods at Colorado ski resort contains a drug cartel.
stinky_cheese
Active member
"Mr. Bishop avoids getting drunk in the latest on the road with mr. bishop episode"
Rennis_Deynolds
Active member
Gus Kenworthy Wins a date with Nick Goepper
Deforestation
Active member
13594816:BBurt said:
That didn't make any sense...
"things and stuff and things and stuff"
Yaraelpoof.png
Active member
Skiers Say "we actually like when snowboarders sit in the run"
CluckaChuck
Active member
African American skier claims, "Ski Patrol less racist than last season." Ski patrol refused to comment.
freestyler540
Active member
Salomon invents the new ski saucers and revolutionizes skiing AGAIN
The year free-skiing actually took off, 1998 in whistler and 2000 for the rest of the world, the Salomon's first commercially twin tipped ski was the all time favorite. Before the 1080 ski, most skiers relied on "red-neck" approaches such as melting the tail off a cheap ski or just went for it anyway. But after Salomon released the first real twin tip ski, every single company ripped the idea from them and patented them, making the ski industry a free for all grabs on designing another failing ski.
But the head at product development has dropped the bomb on the freeskiing community that they have created a ski that is lifted all around the ski. " Our team had to add more tips for our next model for the 12 year old rich park rats to want for Christmas. So we ultimatly designed a ski that is tipped everywhere...like where else could be add more tips."
"The did the front and back...then didnt on the rocker2, then did again for the new Salomon SB 108." added the representative.
Fans online have mixed reviews about the prelimanairy concept. "Its stupid. It looks like a bath tub" Said one user. "These thing are snow accumulators. Bravo! added another. But parents of rich snobby children are not deterred. "These are the things my son has been begging me for. If he doesnt get them, how would be compete to be the best?" one concerned mother stated.
But Salomon is not setting a release date yet. It claims " fuck you man, come up with your own ideas first before selling them". The feeling is described as never skied a day in your life for 800US.
freestyler540 reporting
The year free-skiing actually took off, 1998 in whistler and 2000 for the rest of the world, the Salomon's first commercially twin tipped ski was the all time favorite. Before the 1080 ski, most skiers relied on "red-neck" approaches such as melting the tail off a cheap ski or just went for it anyway. But after Salomon released the first real twin tip ski, every single company ripped the idea from them and patented them, making the ski industry a free for all grabs on designing another failing ski.
But the head at product development has dropped the bomb on the freeskiing community that they have created a ski that is lifted all around the ski. " Our team had to add more tips for our next model for the 12 year old rich park rats to want for Christmas. So we ultimatly designed a ski that is tipped everywhere...like where else could be add more tips."
"The did the front and back...then didnt on the rocker2, then did again for the new Salomon SB 108." added the representative.
Fans online have mixed reviews about the prelimanairy concept. "Its stupid. It looks like a bath tub" Said one user. "These thing are snow accumulators. Bravo! added another. But parents of rich snobby children are not deterred. "These are the things my son has been begging me for. If he doesnt get them, how would be compete to be the best?" one concerned mother stated.
But Salomon is not setting a release date yet. It claims " fuck you man, come up with your own ideas first before selling them". The feeling is described as never skied a day in your life for 800US.
freestyler540 reporting
freestyler540
Active member
Whistler Donated Snow from Glacier
to help struggling resorts
The East Coast is finally receiving snow in the most unconscionable way; transplant 3 million tons of snow from neighboring Pentiction to resorts in Ontario, Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, Quebec and maritime regions. The generous move was accomplished by the board of directors of Whistler and the Mayor of Pentiction with the approval from the Premiere of BC and Justin Trudeau calling the act "a truly happy day for all Canadians".
"Have you seen how much is out there?" pointed out the HR officer. "We came to tears to see millions of skier in the East Coast deprived from such a great resource." People in Penticton don't really even need all that snow because they see it year round and just got fed up moving it off the streets. "Yeah, it feels great to contribute something to our folks out east. I mean the BC government if literally giving it away to Nestle."
The cost of the move will come from nowhere. A mess of politicians threw the ball around, got drunk and charged the taxpayer as a business meeting. " Helicopters would be the coolest way to move the snow" stated the Treasurer during last meeting. Official have reassured us that the mob had nothing to do with this.
Freestyler540 reporting
to help struggling resorts
The East Coast is finally receiving snow in the most unconscionable way; transplant 3 million tons of snow from neighboring Pentiction to resorts in Ontario, Vermont, Massachusetts, Maine, Quebec and maritime regions. The generous move was accomplished by the board of directors of Whistler and the Mayor of Pentiction with the approval from the Premiere of BC and Justin Trudeau calling the act "a truly happy day for all Canadians".
"Have you seen how much is out there?" pointed out the HR officer. "We came to tears to see millions of skier in the East Coast deprived from such a great resource." People in Penticton don't really even need all that snow because they see it year round and just got fed up moving it off the streets. "Yeah, it feels great to contribute something to our folks out east. I mean the BC government if literally giving it away to Nestle."
The cost of the move will come from nowhere. A mess of politicians threw the ball around, got drunk and charged the taxpayer as a business meeting. " Helicopters would be the coolest way to move the snow" stated the Treasurer during last meeting. Official have reassured us that the mob had nothing to do with this.
Freestyler540 reporting
Newschoolers55
Member
Skier called last run, everything went fine.
