Tell Your Best Shit Story

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oiECSoi

Active member
haha i was bored while on the shitter a few minutes ago and i was like this would be a funny thread.

alright, so im up Mt. Snow a few years back, and i have been constipated for two days and i have tried about a million times to get this crap out of me. haha.. so... were at our hotel after boarding and skiing for the day and i have the urge to shit. so im like you know what fuck it im not coming out of that bathroom until this poop is outa me. So about 30-35 minutes later i finally push it out haha so painful thank god i will never give birth. and i look down at this massive shit, and its fucking bigger than the hole its supposed to go down. so im like ehh fuck it ill try flushin it down anyhways. that didnt happen.. so i ended up going outside and finding a stick to slice up my shit into pieces so it would go down the toilet haha. then i went and ate alot of foood

post your stories
 
Noob. Nice try, you can never do better than wisdom teeth and constipation. If you don't know what im talking about, look it up.
 
one time i was at school, and i didnt really want to take a shit, but this was a special occasion and i really really had to go. so i decided to drop this log, i got in the toilet and it took like 15 minutes to get out, it seemed like a normal shit but when i looked at it it was like 2 feet long, it touched each end of the toilet vertically, i was really proud of this particular shit so i didnt flush, to let others admir the glory of that gigantic log, so this kid in my grade came in and went it the stall. i burst out laughing cause i knew what was coming, all you could here through the hall was "OH MY GOD THIS THING IS LIKE 2 FEET LONG! how could anybody fit that much shit in there body!!" it was an epic shit.
 
my brother once sharted on our way to the bus stop. he had to go in the trees and take off his underwear and leave it there, freeballing it to school.
 
when i went to killy for the snowsearch finals last year, i got to the hotel, took a shit, plugged the toilet in our tiny room, and then when my friend tried to plunge it, the plunger turned like rightside in after being inside out. POP

shit everywhere all over the walls
 
I posted a shit story with the title "terrible shits" a while back and it got instantly deleted by some douchebag mod.

Anyway, it involved sprinting, manual ass cheek clenching, and simultaneous explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting in an indian restaurant. The original story was a masterpiece and I am not going to retype it... blame power-tripping mods.
 
lol i dunno about u guys but ill enjopy a funny shit story, its not as if ure gonna meet many people here and be like oh, yeah hey, youre that shit guy
 
a friend of mine told me he took a shit in a public shower and he was embarrassed so he aimed his shower head at the poo and waited till it disinigrated.
 
So last semester I woke one morning and go to take a shower (i live in suite style dorms) and as I walk in our bathroom I notice a funny smell and look down and about 2 feet in front of the toilet on the floor is a perfect pile of shit. I was so confused, It wasn't till later that day we figured out that one of my suite mates who doesn't remember much of this came back hammered sat down to take a shit, suddenly needed to puke so he spun and dropped to his knees started puking and promptly shit on the floor while puking in the toilet...some how he didn't notice, went to bed, woke up the next morning looked at the little bit of poo stuck to his boxers and was just like wtf?
 
It goes like this, we were mere hours away from boarding an airplane to sunny Florida and the Caribbean for a week. My mom was emptying the fridge of things she knew would spoil and didn't want to have to deal with when we got home. Out comes maybe 3/4 gallon milk. I, always believing it's bad to waste food, tried to convince her to keep it. She insisted it would spoil. So I did the next best thing and chugged the whole thing instead. Now milk doesn't always agree with me, but it's fine in small amounts. In small amounts. Fast forward an hour later when we're walking out the door. I'm not feeling too well and my stomach isn't too happy with me. The whole ride I'm sitting there stuffed in the car waiting... need... a... bathroom. We hit traffic right outside of JFK, in Staten Island I think. "Why oh why did I drink all that milk?!", is all I could utter out. After being convinced I wasn't going to make it we pull alongside the curb. We check the bags and I make a mad sprint to the bathroom. I'm there! So I go about my, very noisy, business and I'm feeling relieved. Now it's time to clean up. Now I don't know if you've ever used airport toilet paper but it's not the nice fluffy stuff you see on those cute toilet paper commercials. This is hard. This is cardboard. This is not good. So it hurts! But I'd rather clean it up and be done with the affair. Phew. That was an adventure. So I scrub my hands well and I'm on my merry way. But it's not over yet. The feeling is back again. Before I know it I'm searching for the closest bathroom. I'm in. I go and I use the terrible toilet paper. Should have bought a pack of tissues. It's over, oh wait, no it's not! I went another 5 more times I believe. They all spiral together after awhile. Lucky for me I got most of it out of my system before we got on that plane, but that toilet paper rips up your ass like you wouldn't believe. Real comfortable plane ride eh? So as a warning, never drink that much milk. I wish I had just poured it down the sink, but I was to good for that. Don't do what I did, your stomach will thank you.

-Whew, just typed that up right now. Back to my chem project.
 
hahahah that would suck waking up and having shit on ur boxers and having no idea how it got there.
 
mines the best, 2-3 years ago i was at sunshine village, in banff canada, so i was in the semi BC and me and 2 other kids were building a jump (im from pa and it was the first time to anothe country) so i hade the big urge to poop, i walk behind some tree squat start to shit it was like 1 1/2 feet long, i had no items to wipe, so i decided to rip off my boxers didnt work so i tooks off my ski boots pants everything, got my boxers off wiped with em, so the end of the day i walked around comando

 
I just checked with my parents, turns out we left out of LaGuardia. Normally we do Newark so I'm not too familiar with the area up there. It was a very small airport, and so empty for a Spring Break week.
 
When I was a little kid, first grade I believe, I was in my neighbor's pool and had to go really bad. I jumped out, ran through the house to the bathroom but didn't make it. I pooped and it fell out my bathing suit onto their living room (carpet) floor.
 
my neighbors roomate has what i officially named the "poop trowel" which is a a plastic trowel looking thing covered in shit. the kid uses it to chop up his shit then leave it next to the toilet. this kid wieghs like 130 too so its wierd. and he says in his room for days playing WOW
 
welli have a shit about my teacher...theres this fatass teacher in a grade below me..always takes the worst dumps in our bathrooms..and he is known for it...one time he takes this dump that wud never flush.. so about after a week...we think the janitors and thats the rumor picked it up and dropped it out the window and it lay there on the ground splat for about another week until it got real cold one night and froze to the ground and then when they finally picked it up...left a giantass poopstain...
 
well one time i was staying over a at friends place after a little party, i woke up in the morning and there was shit right in front of my face on the covers! we freaked out and dinnit know where it came from, then we figured out it wasn't a little log of poop but instead a bit of chocolate covered granola bar that i had eaten the day before that i had somehow thrown up right onto my sheets (well my friends sheets). it was pretty big too, like 3" long. idk how i swallowed it the day before
 
I took a shit in the woods on my ski mountain and wiped with snow.

another time my house was locked and I shit in my backyard.
 
i might have a bad story to tell in a little while, i just ate hot wings and accidently swallowed a piece of bone...not looking forward to seeing it again
 
hahah umm i dont really have any of me

but this one time when i was in like 5th grade i was in this summer camp at the ymca and we were at a park and my group was just sitting there and there was another group on the other side of the park so out of no where this like 8 year old girl walks behind a bathroom building that was behind her group but compltely in front of my group that was like 40 kids pulls her paints down and proceeds to shit on the bathroom wall while doing like a wall sit thing keep in mind she's like a baseball feild away from us and we can all see her our councelours started running towards her so then she proceeded to pull her pants up and run away
 
So no one actually shits in this story, but it deals with shit and its funny as hell.

So me and some of my friends were doing some jackass-style scavenger hunt thing with a bunch of friends where you had to try and videotape your team doing the most stupid stuff off of a list. Each item had a certain point value, and you got bonus points for combo-ing items on the list. One of our combos was going to be taking a shit in public and duct taping someone to something. So we go to this park that runs around a lake and is really scenic and stuff. We find a light pole and start taping the guy up. And we go all out on the tape job, he was suspended a few feet off the ground and we made handles for him and everything. So he pulls down his pants puts a sweatshirt around himself to hide his private areas and starts getting ready to shit. Then this mini-bus pulls up in the parking lot. And a wedding party gets out to take pictures for the wedding. And they all walk right by him while he's trying to take this shit. He ended up getting stage fright and not shitting at all, but the footage of this wedding party walking right by him and completely ignoring him is amazing.
 
last year biking, me and my buddy were hittin up these dirt jumps, big ones. and there is 2 jumps, then a wall ride/ tap. and ways, i had to poo, like prairie doggin badly. there was supports for the wall ride behind it, so i sat on it, casually, and pooped, while my friend was on the other side. before the pooping process happened, i grabed a bunch of leaves. ok, so im done poopin, i start to wipe, and the leaves are soft, bonus! then i realize, i ran out. still got a dirty ass. so i pull my pants up (with a dirty ass) and waddle over to get some leaves. anyways, i finished and seshed the DJ's up for the rest of the day. there is the pic of the dj's and wall ride, not me ridin though.

2iive5s.jpg
 
ok

i have a few but im most famous for my "yams"

i was taking a poo earlier this season and it just kept coming for like 15 straight minutes and i was like whoooa and i just held on for as long as i could. this poop almost reached my but sitting in the toilet and it looked identical to mashed yams pretty awesome.

i had the same situation with having to break up your poop but i did not have the luxury of havibng a spoon around, i was like 5 years old and my family ws having a party in the living room and the plunger was downstairs . my hand smelt for a week no matter how hard i washed it

 
That made me laugh so hard I could just imagine the tranquility of a wedding and then some kid tied to a pole taking a shit
 
ok i got a few.........

first one is sorta gross

ok so me and my friend were chillin and i had like 3 32 oz powerades before i went to bed......bad idea, i woke up like an hour later and had to piss so bad it like hurt.....when i got up i didnt have time to make it upstairs to the bathroom, so i grabbed the designated powerade piss bottle which was partially pissed in but not that much and i let er go and i wasnt looking and all of a sudden i noticed a warm feeling on my dick....turns out the bottle was filled up to my dick and almost overflowing.......it was sick.....

second story...

so i got locked out of my house and had to sleep in the car, earlier that night I ate for dinner some A&W chilly cheese fries, 2 Chilly cheese burgers, and a lot of milk....well I can agree with the guy who drank like 3/4 of a gallon of milk that it doesnt settle well....so im sleeping in the car and have to shit.....didnt know where to go so all i had was an empty coffee can and some kleenex...so i opened the can up and sat down....literally i like almost filled it up with poop that is like in between normal and diareahea......this wasnt the end of the fun.....so the next day was garbage day and i didnt know what to do with the can of shit.....so i put the can of shit out with the garbage cans...and knowing this i had to see what the garbage man will do.....so he picks up and empties the 2 garbage cans, then picks up the can of shit and smells something funny (O and the can of shit was sitting in the sun and 85 degree heat for like 2 hours)... so he looks in it, and the look on his face was the best part of it all he was like WTF......i laughed so hard that day
 
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