Tell me a joke

Roses are red,Violets are blue,

I've got a gun,

Get in my van.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs?

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NAMES!
 
whats red and smells like blue paint?

red paint...

why did the boy drop his icecream cone?

because he got hit by a bus....

an irishman walks out of a bar.....

a dyslexic man walks into a bra

whats green and has wheels?

grass...i lied about the wheels
 
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If only Africa had more mosquito nets, every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of AIDS.
 
whats blue and at the bottom of my pool?

a baby with slashed floaties :)

whats red and at the top of my pool?

floaties with a slashed baby =)

how do you get 100 babies into a bucket?

a blender.

how do you get them back out of the bucket?

tostitos.
 
A pony walks into a bar, and the bartender ask's him, are you going to sing karaoke tonight? And the pony said i can't im a little hoarse.

 
2 blondes are riding a bus.The bus arrives at a bus station in the middle of the desert.

the blondes look outside the window and see another blonde trying to row a beached rowboat on the dry sand.

Blonde #1 says: "it's blondes like that that make us blondes look stupid. you should get out and teach that idiot a lesson."

Blonde #2 says: "I would, but i can't swim"

 
On a scale of 1-10 how old should you be to stay away from penn state?

2 Penn state administrators walk into a butt.

Joe Paterno doesnt walk into a police station.

Penn State prefers to be losing at halftime, because at Penn State they like when you’re a little behind in the locker room.

gotta love SP
 
So a moose walks into a grocery store and asks customer service where the potatoes are, and they say "aisle 6." The moose walks into aisle 6 and there are no potatoes! THERE ARE NO POTATOES!
 
Thrue story, happened to me 2 years ago:

I was having this typical discussion with my ex, trying to explain her that woman just don't poop and she was like ''Yeah we do poop what are you talking about?!'' and I was like ''...no /facepalm''. So she said she was going to show me and I was thinking ''ok what-ever...''

So the next day we both went to the bathroom and she tried real hard but farted for like 10 minutes non-stop....

So i was like ''I told you...''

The next day she insisted and tried egan... pee came out!

I was like ''YEAH... obviously, that's becose I just peed in your butt...''

The day after she tried egan... poo came out!!

I was like ''OMG... WHO THE FUCK POOPED IN YOUR BUTT!!!''

Dumped her the next day, she was obviously cheating.
 
Fella goes into the lumber yard; lumber guy says 'how can i help you sir?'

Fella goes 'I need some four-by-twos, please.'

Lumber guy says 'you mean two-by-fours sir?'

Fella goes 'one second' goes back to his car and talks with his buddies for a bit, they come to a consensus and the guy comes back says 'yessir some two-by-fours.'

Lumber guy goes 'well alright how long you need em sir?'

Fella says 'one second' goes back to the car and talks with his buddies again, they come to a conclusion and he comes back and says 'a long time: we're building a house!!!'

ahahahahahahhahahhaa! jokes were so much better in the 50s
 
i have two jokes. one is your typical over the top vulgar:

what does a baby in a microwave smell like?

i don't know either, i was too busy furiously masturbating

and the second is just funny:

what's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?

walking.
 
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