Random Poems I wrote

ScubaSteveFather

ScubaSteveFather

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Bleak, dark, dreary night

Slobbering, filthy light

My troubles are my own

And make me wish to dethrone

My mind from its safe chateau

With drugs and pure white snow

When will this ever end

For I wish to attend

The devils party as he will commend

Those who are on such a bend

You are what you are

And I am not the star



You

My mind thinking about you will not stop,

To arouse the pain, and make my heart flop,

You are not the best that a man could get,

Yet reflecting upon you, makes me sweat,

Your eyes, always, are such a clear cool sky

Your lips kiss mine, and give me, a tongue tie

Your touch, a winter chill enters my spine

Your body, on mine, feels so divine,

Although a man may not think you the best,

To me you are, so I am obsessed,

At night, you are my dream when I slumber,

If love were quantified as a number,

My love for you would be infinity

For you are, my divinity.



Away

I want everything to just go away

Everything in my life changes as I slay

Those rails, jumps, and songs that I will replay

Skiing is my life and my love all day

Listen a bit as I tell my story

I do my best to go for the glory

Afraid to disappoint I separate

And put everyone in such a state

I feel hopeless longing for that someone

I will go and fight for the longest run

But I cannot have her, I burned that bridge

My escape is skiing and my good ridge

But I will stop and fight for her heart

And if I lose I will be torn apart

Tread carefully for I will not repeat

The words I say are in a messy heap

If rejected I swear I may just leap

Put me in a quick everlasting sleep

For if I can’t have you my heart will die

As my love too strong is much too up high



Simple Love

There is a moment when one will just know

Love takes one unawares so hold on, go

Her skin her lips her beautiful hips

Make him flip and go round as she strips

He holds on as suddenly her mouth grips

A tool and it’s so good that he tips

He plays music, taking off her clothes

Strokes her keys and her strings, so flows

He becomes an artist and will compose

As he takes her deep like the bass that blows

She shivers in ecstasy as he plays

And both tired they enter a glaze

That is love as simple as can be

The needs of humans that are so free

I wrote these quite a while back but i found them looking on my computer tell me what u think

 
here is a poem i wrote about my coat.

In my four XL jacket in the winter I swelter

silly oversized fur hood swinging helter skelter

with this black and fur I'm like fighting the black panters.

I am a grand panther in my comical shelter.

I'm like fresh baked hot global warming, a real snow melter.
 
never have been a huge fan of end rhyme- they make even the most mature, clear idea seem Seuss-esque

maybe a bit too melodramatic for my taste, but I'm a terrible poet myself so I feel hypocritical when i critique others.

however, i definitely do respect them for what they are worth. the last one, particularly, has very good imagery and use of metaphor.
 
poor use of rhyme. self-absorbed content. Something about your structure bothers me, beyond just the fact that you had to try and rhyme so much. Rhyming is really really hard to do well. If your really stuck on it then I'd say keep working at it, but if you are just rhyming for the sake of rhyming because you think that is what a poem is then you should try looking at some poets who don't rhyme or writing some poems without so many.

I commend you for posting your work on such a shitty place for that sort of thing. Don't stop writing despite these criticisms, you shouldn't write for what other people think and as with everything else practice does make you better. Especially with poetry, most people don't just write sit down and write an amazing poem. It takes many poems to get a good one, try going over old stuff and editing it with a new perspective. Read as much as you can by other people. And write as much as possible even if it's all shit. You gotta get the shit out to get to the good stuff. PM me if you'd like some poets to check out.
 
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