Porch Pirates

F

Fancy_Latte

Member
Got a package stolen by some loser on a bicycle. Fortunately he's stupid enough to live in my neighbourhood. Genuinely looking for ideas for a bit of payback. I've had my car keyed and packages stolen before, and I feel I've reached a bit of a boiling point. I'd like something that wouldn't result in major charges after being caught, or that I could at least pay my way out of within the range of 300. I want it to be damaging
 
shit in a bag and put it on his steps. second idea, place rotting fish under his car so it leaches in from below and it never gets out. third, get a blank sign and put it in the front yard write "this cunt steals packages"
 
See if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.
 
14473326:weatcoast said:
Why not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?
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Its just under 100 and nothings ever come of fedex "investigating"

I'm just completely fed up and just want to upset something he really values. I'm not at a point where I have anyone I'm living with I'd be worried about retaliation, I'm looking to move out of my flat soon, and want to take this chance to meet him im being a greater asshole
 
Only package I've ever had stolen from my porch was actually a fucking package of weed. Those god damn scoundrels

PO box changed my life though. Was only 20$/month, it's complete immunity to porch pirates.
 
a little tactic i like to call sniper bullying

u pay some high school kid to get another high school kid to get another kid etc to do whatever you want and by that point its gone through so many hands that its hard to trace back to u

i would pay them to shoot his dick off and make him eat it!!!!!

and then ransack his house for ur package
 
14473326:weatcoast said:
Why not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?
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In Columbus the city doesn't prosecute porch pirates and flat out said that, so it's literally a free crime. I wonder if op's city is any similar.
 
Plant bamboo somewhere in their yard. It’s a super invasive plant that spreads so fast next thing they know they have 90 bamboo saplings shooting up all spreading their own bamboo and they won’t be able to win the battle
 
Porch pirates are why it pisses me off how it's done in the USA... Just keep it at the warehouse and either offer a redelivery the next day, or allow someone to just go to the warehouse and pick it up on their own time...

Dont just leave it on my porch so any old jerkbag can steal it, or force me to get some stupid porch camera in order to hopefully prevent it...
 
Take the valve cores out of the valve stems from his tires (preferable both bike and car) then when he goes to fill them up, the air shoots right back out.
 
Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons.
 
You’d still get the interest on it even if he does pay it back so you still win

14473328:PsychicMigration said:
See if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.
Click to expand...
 
14473432:PacificRimJob said:
Porch pirates are why it pisses me off how it's done in the USA... Just keep it at the warehouse and either offer a redelivery the next day, or allow someone to just go to the warehouse and pick it up on their own time...

Dont just leave it on my porch so any old jerkbag can steal it, or force me to get some stupid porch camera in order to hopefully prevent it...
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Fedex just left it in the middle of the porch and the dumb camera only picked up the back of a head

it all just kills me


"Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons."

1053665.jpeg
 
14473563:Fancy_Latte said:
Fedex just left it in the middle of the porch and the dumb camera only picked up the back of a head

it all just kills me

"Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons."

View attachment 1053665
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You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.

and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?
 
14473443:skierman said:
Oh you have packages stolen and your car keyed for no reason?

Yeah, that sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. Something tells me a lot of people in your neighborhood hate you and probably for good reasons.
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This comment brought to you by someone who has experience.
 
14473575:skierman said:
You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.

and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?
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^^ also experienced
 
14473326:weatcoast said:
Why not just get his dumb ass charged with theft if you know who it is?
Click to expand...

the world record for hardest wedgie in the world cannot be accomplished if we just turned them in to the police each time
 

"You made a thread on ski forum asking people for ideas to "get revenge" on someone in your neighborhood.

and you think that's what normal people do? Are you fucking 12?"

1053702.jpeg
 
in hindsight it could have entirely been skierman

the doorbell only caught the back of the guys head, but I could tell he was on a bike and balding
 
14473632:Fancy_Latte said:
in hindsight it could have entirely been skierman

the doorbell only caught the back of the guys head, but I could tell he was on a bike and balding
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What's it like living in the ghetto? LOL
 
u said it urself, if package stealing is a no charge crime then just steal all his packages lmao no need to engage in domestic terrorism
 
Spend a year clearing out the basement and retreating some saw games. Have a trapped door on your porch where the packages get set.

That'll show him.

PS: Make sure it's off when the fedex guy is delivering. You don't want to have dump a fesex truck and pray nobody in the area saw him there.
 
This is one of the greatest thing’s i’ve read on this site. Got my freedom boner ringing

14473328:PsychicMigration said:
See if he has backed up taxes. pay his taxes and then if he doesn't pay you you own his house and kick his ass out. the revenge would be so diabolical.
Click to expand...

My wife bought a super expensive vibrator, dudnt get delivered til we were on a long vacation. She didnt wanna ask our super christian neighbors to hold package, so chanced it and its gone by time we got home. Now im paranoid that porch pirate is gonna keep coming back after that haul
 
14474285:theLiquor said:
This is one of the greatest thing’s i’ve read on this site. Got my freedom boner ringing

My wife bought a super expensive vibrator, dudnt get delivered til we were on a long vacation. She didnt wanna ask our super christian neighbors to hold package, so chanced it and its gone by time we got home. Now im paranoid that porch pirate is gonna keep coming back after that haul
Click to expand...

why would u admit that to a bunch of horny teenagers
 
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