Penalty Box (My First Short Film)

CoachG

CoachG

Active member
Hey NS,
I just completed the first film that I have ever Written and Directed. I figured i'd post it here for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!
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try to be more objective when you edit your own stuff, really dig in with the coat hanger
 
haha great ending! I liked it.

things to work on: first work on sound. You need ambiant sound even on shots of the living room. any sound to go in the background to make it sound more natural.

framing: pay attention and use it wisely. For the shots where he gets closer to the girl, have close up over the shoulders so that they seem close and make them look conected.
 
When it's yours, through production you grow attachments that a viewer cannot. You need to take a step back and see it through the eyes of someone who didn't bend over backwards to get the shot, someone who didn't stay up all night trying to make a line in the script work, ect. For everyone else, what they see is what they get. Technically flawed stuff, even if you did the best you could in adverse shooting conditions, should be left out as it almost always hurts more than it helps. DOn't waste their time with redundant shots, give every frame purpose. If it doesn't drive the narrative forward or play a crucial role in scene/character development, don't write it, schedule it, shoot it, or click it. You will only take resources(time and money usually) away from the shots that matter.

 
This all stuff that I already know, but by no means am I arguing against you. Is there any particular examples of things that you would have cut out? Because like I said, I'm aware of eveything you just posted. And my biggest concern during the completion of the film was just what you said. I asked myself "okay, i get it because i wrote it. but will my audience get it?" I had multiple meetings with my Professors, Crew, and Outside viewers prior to completion to "trim the fat" and get a sense of what someone who wasn't part of the production team thinks about the film.
I'm not sure if you had a specific example from my film that you felt didn't help the narrative or if you were just giving me general constructive advice.
 
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