this thread has really gotten to me.
man, im so sad right now.
When i got confirmed at church, i was set up with this old man, i didnt like him at first sight, he was old and had trouble walking. but after spending some time with him i got to like him, he was just like me, we got in debates while we drove places and we went to eat at local pizza places, wendys, wherever. it was a cool relationship. his name is Bob, Bob and i were becoming friends. him and his wife brought me to theater productions at a local university. i have not been a fan of going to theater productions but, after going to a few i got to like them. Bob and i were then really close. after the plays ended over the summer and i went to camp, i didnt see him all summer, then he called me and told me he was sick. he was going into the hospital for open heart surgery. i had no idea what to say. but the way he was talking sounded like he was defs gunna walk out of the operation room and skip home. so i wasnt worried. he told me to call him back, i couldnt, so i felt really bad about that. then i sent him an email while he was in the hospital. I havent really spoken to him all summer so i thought i should shoot him an email. then a week goes by. driving home my mom tells me that bob passed away. i didnt feel it at all, i didnt believe it, i couldnt believe it. when i got home i went to bed like nothing happened... 2 weeks later i was talking to a friend of mine and told her about bob (1st time i told anyone about him). thats when it hit me. i balled, i have never lost anyone or anything other then my cat and a my grandfather when i was really young. so this hit me like a train. this hit me really hard, right where it hurts. the worst part was what was on the email. on the email was a list of things i have planned to do with him once he got out of the hospital, a list of his favorite things.
that was the only time i have ever lost someone close to me.
After that i couldnt handle grade 11, all the pressure was on to get amazing marks and get into an amazing school. but all i could do was sit there and dwell on the loss of Bob. i was fucking up all of my courses and really pissed off, i have been an honor student since, forever, and now im fucked. I was getting even more mad when i was thinking about the future with these fucked marks. i really was afraid of the future, i was afraid of not doing what i wanted, i was afraid of not being able to do what my parents have thought i could do. i was so afraid of the future, i was willing to just not face it at all, just end it.
But today i was walking to school. i slipped on ice. i got up looked around and saw a little bit of snow on the ground. a great smile was drawn on my face as i thought about skiing. im no longer afraid, all those thoughts, i guess, were knocked out of my head when i fell. Im fuckin pumped to ski, im fucking pumped for the future. im stoked for the first time in a long time. today has been the best day of my life. has skiing saved my life? i dont know, but i like to think that way. thanks for reading this NS.
See you guys on the slopes this winter.