My friends descriptive writing piece from grade 10.

so ya i know its not really finished but the assignment didn't have to be a complete story im pretty sure.

There i was, sitting at my desk in school staring at the clock as the time slowly ticked by, its almost iridescent quality makes me feel drowsy and somnolent. My eyes swim in and out of focus as my vision is replaced by one from my dreams.

The sun is diminished by the falling snow making the sky a dull and peaceful white, My ears are filled with the tranquil silence of the snow covered mountain. I see a group of squirrels bouncing through the deep snow to get to their snow covered home while another group chase each other energetically. There i am, true bliss. I click on my skis and put on my pole straps as i hear my radio call “alright, you ready?” i radio back “i'm one hundred percent” a few seconds go by and i take in a deep breath “dropping” i dig the tips of my poles into the snow and push forward letting go of everything in my mind. As i started to gain some speed the champagne powder started barreling into my face and i let out a cry of guttural stoke.

thoughts?

i put this in SG cause its about skiing. mods u can move it.
 
Solid but needs some work if you want a critique. If not then let that guttural stoke out and get hyphy on that shit
 
now im going to go out on a limb and assume it was actually you who wrote it and didnt want to say it was you just in case you got negative feedback. That being said, its solid af and pretty good. I like all of the descriptive words in it. i feel like i was there lol. keep up the good work though
 
13245288:parkplayground said:
Solid but needs some work if you want a critique. If not then let that guttural stoke out and get hyphy on that shit

yeah i mean it was from grade 10 so isn't going to be great but what could he have changed?

also i think he used the tgr slang website for it cause i mean he is in grade 11 now but had to hand it in after the summer for some reason so technically it was grade 10
 
13245293:jlens05 said:
now im going to go out on a limb and assume it was actually you who wrote it and didnt want to say it was you just in case you got negative feedback. That being said, its solid af and pretty good. I like all of the descriptive words in it. i feel like i was there lol. keep up the good work though

.
 
13245293:jlens05 said:
now im going to go out on a limb and assume it was actually you who wrote it and didnt want to say it was you just in case you got negative feedback. That being said, its solid af and pretty good. I like all of the descriptive words in it. i feel like i was there lol. keep up the good work though

lol i didnt write it
 
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