My english short story.

jibbinc.

Active member
So before you read this, please note im terrible at English. I have 55% and im in grade 10, and by no means do think this is a good short story. I think the concept is cool, and a talented writer could produce a really good outcome. Here is my attempt.

Natural Dose.

Growing up in a ski involved

family I had started at a young age. Every weekend my family would make the

trip to the local ski hill for the day. My mom was an amazing woman, she would

have me on a backpack, my brother between her legs, and my sister tailing

behind attached on a rope. When we all turned about six years old she set us

free. The mountain was our vast white playground.

During

high school I played many school sports, and then skied on the weekend. Getting

more competitive in football, it started cutting into my ski time. One night in

grade 10 I remember having the choice of the big game, or twelve inches fresh

on the hill. That night was the night that I decided, Skiing was my passion.

Throughout

high school I would ski both days on the weekend, and barley survive through

the 5 days of torture at school. Skiing to me became a drug. The crisp chilled

mountain air, making me feel high as I got my two days of enjoyment. Fighting

the addiction I chose to drop out of high school in grade 11 and become a full

time junkie. A slave to the fresh turns and untouched powder I would’ve done

anything to get the rush. Ski bumming my life through my twenties and early

thirties, I had gotten fairly good. Picking up sponsorships and being invited

to competitions I did not once think about the consequence of an injury.

Filming

for a crew named Poor Boys Productions they had me forever pushing myself to

advance the sport to the next level. Inhaling the same drug for almost 20 years

my body itched for a new dose. As the new drug entered my system I once again

became an addict. The feeling from the cold winter air entering my lungs,

combined with the sensation of landing a new trick, sent more chemicals and

emotions to my brain then popping five caps of ecstasy. Becoming a fiend I

would push my limits way beyond my conformability level just to get the

intoxicating rush. It was May 3rd 2005 that I took it too far.

Standing

on the grand run in down the backside of Alta Mountain I was yet again craving

the high. The chilled air around me flowing in through my nose, and out my

mouth in a brisk refreshing matter gave me confidence. The question rose: Do I

take the leap of faith, or savor the sensation? Calming myself I took another

deep breath. This mountain air, a gateway drug, so good it should not be legal.

It had me hooked at a young age, blind to the fact that it controlled me I made

the choice to drop in.

Riding

down the run in backwards my mind was blank. There was no time to think, just

to act. As the orange sky illuminated my skis leaving the snow, I knew it was

time to start the trick. Time slowed down and I threw my head to the left and

dropped my shoulder. Setting myself up for a perfect corked 900 I reached my

hand around to the back tail of my right ski, and grabbed the tip. Weightless

in the air I float, the only sound is the camera click as it captures my

textbook trick. Around 720 I knew things were going to be bad. Seeing the

landing come a lot sooner than I had anticipated I prepared myself for the

worst. The impact of my skis prematurely hitting the knuckle of the landing was

my overdose.

Letting

the drug take over I had never expected me to be this dependant on one

substance. Hooked at age six I had not thought of skiing this way. It was

something fun to do on weekends. Skiing the black diamond runs on the mountain

was laced with backcountry, and a terrain park. As I grew older my focus

quickly turned to the hardcore aspect, and the harmless weekend activity

because a dangerous daily routine. As a 34 year old paraplegic who cannot go to

the bathroom by himself, I write my life story to young kids who think a

weekend activity doesn’t have the power to end your life plans. Going from a

hero to a zero in less the 5 seconds; I warn you that after your first breath

of crisp mountain air, you will forever long for another. Skiing is a drug.

Feedback?
 
take out the last line, or change it to something more substiantial, maybe "skiing is my drug of choice" or more appropriate for 10th grade
 
a few weeks ago i had to write a short story too. My teacher said our short story had too be at least 4 pages so if you were in my class it would of been a fail for lack of length.
 
best line for sure:

Going from a hero to a zero in less then 5 seconds; I warn you that after your first breath of crisp mountain air, you will forever long for another.
 
It comes out to three pages double spaced in size 12 which is just what she wanted. And i think ill cut out skiing is a srug at the end, and just leave it with the sentence before to end it.
 
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