My Best Friend,

nichole

nichole

Member
my best guy friend and i are stuck, we don't know what's going on between us, whether we are friends or we should move on into a relationship. Last night, after a wonderful night on shrooms, hehe, he brought it all up, which is unusual because I'm the one to bring things out. So we talked about each other and our families and how all of our freinds think we should just get together but we couldn't come up with an answer. We share everything, i sleep in his bed when I don't want to walk back to my house, he comes to my apartment after he gets off of work at 11:30pm to hang out and have a beer.

Do you guys have any ideas about what to do?
 
yeah, i listened to it... I wouldn't be wondering but he brought it up the other night when we were laying in bed when we were talking about life and friends, and our friendship... do you see the dilemma, I've always thought there should be more but when we met it wasn't the right time for either of us
 
There is a theory called the Ladder theory and how it manifests itself in our relationships. In our minds we have two ladders that people in our relationships climb up, sex and not-sex. Your friend climbed up the not-sex ladder and it is very difficult to jump to the other. However, in use of the ladder theory there are slight deviations, one of which I think fits your case.

Cuddle Bitches - this is a guy who never goes all the way with the girl but is engaged in intimate relations with the female. The girl considers him a nice guy. THIS IS BAD Hes climbed the friends ladder (not-sex) extremely high. He takes the place of the guy when the girl is not off fucking some other guy. A jump to the sex ladder can be fatal.

If he is aware of this theory and thinks he is on the sex ladder, it can be wrenching to him.

If you continue to pursue this relationship, go slow, and let him know you are still getting accustomed to you two being in a relationship like this and realize it may take some time.

 
yeah, we both know of the ladder theory so you have a good point... I just don't understand WHY he brought it up... the ladder theory doesn't explain that... it explains a girl's motive to get with a friend but not a guy to a girl
 
well the time is NOW not THEN. make NOW the RIGHT time.

if it doesn't work out you seem like good enough friends to deal with it.
 
From my personal experiences, there are 4 types of women.

1 Hot and cool personality

2 Hot and bitchy

3 Ugly and cool

4 Ugly and bitchy

with number 1 a guy will hang out with you either because he wants to sleep with you, or hes gay. number 2 a guy will hang out with you just got a lay because who wnat to deal with a bitch? number 3 the guys gay. number 4 you have some alternative motive to befriending this broad.

Now looking at it from your friends standpoint, he must think you are hot and have a cool personality. It is painful for him to only be friends but he endures it for hopes that someday you two will go out. The tension may have built up over all the years and finally he nutted up to ask.

We all have only so many friends we want to hang out with, for guys its usually guys, because there is no sexual tension that can inhibit a relationship. having a girl thats a friend usually means he wants to sleep with and really likes you if hes been waiting this long. Not that many great outcomes come from this, but if you do decide too, if you go slow and talk, it wont be too devastating for him.
 
if you put it that way, a guy shouldn't have a girl as a friend unless he has a plan to sleep with her? i don't really understand your logic. and i thought i was cynical.
 
pretty much. there are rare exceptions, like Jerry Seinfeld and Elain Bennice. Where you hookup but manage to stay friends afterwards. Also sometimes you generally seem interest in a women, yet this is about 1 in every 500ish girls you meet. Why do you think divorces happen? It boils down to their not interested in eachother.
 
I know what you are going through. My best friend and I started hooking up this semester. We got in a huge fight over everything on a weekend climbing trip with just the two of us, but now we are on such good terms. A full fledged relationship may not be feasible in the long run, but we've been learning so much from each other. We've spent the past three nights together and it we've had some incredible conversations. The conversation I had with her last night was one of the better conversations I've had with anyone in my life.

A relationship might not be feasible in the long run, but we are both taking and learning so much from each other for now.
 
well you think now is the right time, dont just jump into it... and if you get into a relationship everything changes... you think if it doesnt work you can stay friends? you think it will work? you have to ask you'reself alot and decide for your self no one can make this decision for you its somethign you gotta make on your own, i'm not trying to be a dick, just giving an honest answer.
 
Frankly I'm going threw this right now with my friend, She doesn't really realize just how much staying just friends with her is fucking me up inside, i've decided to put her on time out for a while, I need a break from the friendship until i have someone that can satisfy my needs, because she laughs at all my jokes, she'll gaze at me with her baby blue eyes, and she gets what she wants from me, and then uses other men to suit her other needs

feel free to laugh at what i wrote, because it really sucks the life out of me
 
It's the usual -

either put yourself out there, have no regrets, possibly have the best time/ decision of your life, but open yourself up to a possible world full of pain, and risk losing something

or don't do anything, keep what you've got, don't risk losing what you've got, but possibly miss out/ have regrets.

Those are your two options. It totally depends on what kind of a person you are as to what step you take. In the movies they'd do it ;)
 
yo why not nigga, i was in a relationship with one of my best friends for like year and a half we broke up cuz i moved to utah and were still friends, only thing you gotta be careful is if you do become involved then there may not be a friendship ever again. so basically you could have something more and it could be great but then it could end and your left with jack shit.
 
whoever came up with this "friends dont step over the line" is a fucking idiot. Dont take advice from a stupid song either, thats just gay. I'm sure both of you think about each other all day, everyday. I say, u guys should be together and see where it takes you.
 
you just have to ask yourself if you are willing to lose his friendship should things not work out. What is more important having him in your life the rest of your life or not talking to him everagain if something should go wrong. I mean thats extreme but you gotta be prepared for the worst.
 
im living right now with my ex, and shes one of my best friends. a slightly different situation, but still similar. its a question of maturity, and being able to take it to the next step. its a question you have to look inside to find the answer, not NS. if its something you can really see working, that go for it! if it doesnt work out, you sound like good enough friends that you can make it through. id say go for it. friends to lovers is the path most of my relationships have been from, and they always seem better and stronger than the ones born from lust.
 
Dont do drugs. If you are old enough to have your own apartment, you are old enough to be true to yourself and your friend. Tell him how you feel sober, have him do the same, and figure it out. After you figure it out, you should both be able to get fucked up and have a good time either way. And by the hot chick cool personality/ugly chick bitch gauge, there either are alot of guys that want to get on you, or newschoolers is very gay. I am moving west in two weeks so personaly I hope your friend goes down in flames and you drop me a line.
 
you guys sound like you'd be a pretty good solid relationship/couple. why not go for it nichole? I dont see what you have to loose.. and if all comes to worst, just go back to being friends again.. It really sounds like your just gunna end up together at one point or another anyways..
 
u say he brought this up after u guys tripped on the mush huh.....prolly just emotional from the trip that happens to mad people i know
 
I was in this exact position with my current best friend (Kris).

When we met in grade 10 we both had absolute crushes on eachother but due to both of us being in commited relationships already neither of us wanted to tell the other in case of ruining anything between any of the established relationships/friendship. We hung out "strictly friends" for a couple years all the while wanting more. I had a bad relationship where my boyfriend was far to controlling and he didn't "let" me hang out with Kris for over a year. When I finally ended that relationship I started hanging out with Kris again. We both felt the exact same as we did before and we even talked about it I ended up deciding that I loved him, and because of that I couldn't let the relationship go further then friendship. To this day (about 6 years later) I think he is the most amazing person I've ever met (and THE best friend a girl could have) even though I have a boyfriend who I am in love with. I don't regret one day or decision, he is my best friend and he always will be.

Side note* the boy I was dating when I met Kris was my best friend for around a year before I started dating him. He was my First Love and I had a really good time with him. I ended it because I realised that although I loved him it just wasn't "right" ... I havn't spoken to him in years.

It's up to you and how you feel about this guy. If you really care about him enough that you see him by your side in ten years (or on your wedding day...) then STAY friends. On the other hand you could be missing out on love, but that may just be temporary....
 
that's really tough. on the one hand maybe you two are great for one another and should go for it, on the other if things go wrong, it would suck to lose that friendship. i don't know all the facts, so you need to weigh the odds. pros and cons. really think hard about it. also consider the fact that you were both on shrooms when it came up.
 
thats what my life has been the last 2 years, bad timing with the same best girfriend/ girlfriend at times. if you both like each other what id recommnend doing is being with him in a more romantic way and a less best friend way. go out to dinner, do out of the ordinary fun things and see him less (dont crash together and just chill and do nothin) it works like no other, but you have to put some effort into making yourself slightly more unavailible. youll prolly start to see him as more of a BF then before and he'll see the same in you. you def have to get outta the friend zone with each other and do romantic fun things it worked for me. then she moved away...... those are the best kinda relationships though, when you start out as friends then it builds, EVERYTHING is so much better because all of the physical aspects are only magnified by the fact that you actually care for the other person
 
ehhh thats not really a valid point. if they tried it out and it got messed up theyd be pissed for a while but if they are really close (truly are BFs) then theyd forgive and forget. Thats what everyone says ohh u could ruin the friendship but thats not really true if you are good friends with the person
 
Poor lifejacket... that really sucks, I know. You need to make a move on her, and if/when that doesn't work, kick her out of your life until you're over her. It's the only way to make things not painful for yourself.
 
You say you have no regrets, but I bet you do deep down. You care about Kris enough that there is no way that you don't wonder how things could have been. He could be your soul mate and you would never fully know because you didn't take a chance. Try to tell me you have no regrets when he ends up married to someone else.
 
I really don't have any regrets. I think the guy I'm with right now is my soul mate. It's taken me this long to realize that Kris wouldn't have been "right" for me in the relationship way. He makes me laugh everytime I talk to him and now he lives 6 hours away so I talk to him almost everyday. But I know that I'm a much happier person having him in my life without all that complicated boyfriend stuff between us.

It is kind of hard reading all the boys notes above saying that the guy should ditch the girl until he is over her though, that would be the worst news of my life if Kris told me he couldn't hang out with me for a while...
 
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