Making friends in skiing

utahnewb

utahnewb

Member
yo whats up all.

some of you know that I struggled a lot a while ago and i wanted some thoughts from you all. I am in a position in the ski industry and I do like the job a lot, very passionate about it. I also have worked on getting professional help for the depression. I am struggling though with a few things. I have also tried to work on making friends and it hasn't been a great experience. Maybe this is a me thing but i feel like social connections make me very anxious. I struggle with a few mental/emotional issues and am very open about this in person. While skiing is a passion, the community often leaves me invalidated and alone. I also MTB and its the same thing. any ideas?
 
The best friends come from teamwork overcoming adversity. It's hard to make deep connection with people just by going and doing fun activities, people have no reason to dig deep and find out who people are when there's other fun to be had.

My advice, find meaningful work. Build something cool with your hands, solve real life difficult problems with people who have the same goals, things like that.

Good luck with the pursuit and take my opinions for what you paid for them. I get 90+% of my social interaction behind a screen anyways and it's prob not the healthiest thing in the world.
 
Making new friends after a relocation is challenging for sure. Sounds like you are doing something you are passionate about and working at trying to remedy your issues, cheers to that. Ive meet some terrific friends right here on NS. You have put it out there and now you just have to commit to going to meet up with some people. Tough, scary, I know but for the most part, they are looking for a friend as well. Be you, be honest, stick to your word. Stuff like that goes a long way homie. I will be back in the states sometime this coming winter and I try to ski UT a few times a year. If you want, happy to link up and shred. Keep at it and take care of you!
 
14547119:oldmanski said:
Making new friends after a relocation is challenging for sure. Sounds like you are doing something you are passionate about and working at trying to remedy your issues, cheers to that. Ive meet some terrific friends right here on NS. You have put it out there and now you just have to commit to going to meet up with some people. Tough, scary, I know but for the most part, they are looking for a friend as well. Be you, be honest, stick to your word. Stuff like that goes a long way homie. I will be back in the states sometime this coming winter and I try to ski UT a few times a year. If you want, happy to link up and shred. Keep at it and take care of you!
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Yes. I certainly enjoy what I do and that is a plus. Thing is these issues have been going on from well before I was in Utah. It can really be frustrating because I tend to be decent with most things that are not social. I find that I can sometimes feel even more dep
 
14547602:utahnewb said:
Yes. I certainly enjoy what I do and that is a plus. Thing is these issues have been going on from well before I was in Utah. It can really be frustrating because I tend to be decent with most things that are not social. I find that I can sometimes feel even more dep
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ressed when I try to hang with people because I feel so distant from others. People often see me performing at a high level in academics and jobs, but never do they acknowledge that there is depression that I must frequently hide. I struggle a lot with the fact that skiing is portrayed as a supportive community, but often feels as though it isn't in real life. I definitely want to link up with more utah ppl for sure. I wonder if I should learn to enjoy stuff by myself.
 
Can relate to a lot of what you've said OP

I used to (and still sort of do) have a complex where I expected people to just not like me. I didn't have an explanation for this other than thinking I was inherently unlikable and didn't deserve friendship or love from anyone. I felt this way for over 10 years. Thinking and feeling this way for as long as I did probably made me pass up many opportunities to form friendships/relationships but there's no point in dwelling on that.

OP do you have any friends? Real friends are a lot rarer than people think and social media/internet supercharges this distortion. Even if you don't have any friends at this moment its really not something to freak out about. However if you are like how I was last year (spending whole days without speaking to anyone), you need to fix that ASAP.

For making friends in skiing (or anything really the process is basically the same), just start talking to people. Ask them questions about how to hit a feature or gear they are wearing. Give them compliments on their gear or tricks they did. Most importantly, learn their name, say what's up when you see them around and say goodbye when you're heading out. Skiing is very cliquey and it can be hard to break into at times. Best bet is probably hitting up other solo riders.

Most importantly is to realize that thoughts/feelings/moods in your head project outward into the world and everyone else can sense it. The thoughts you think in your head determine the outcomes of events in your life. If you think to yourself "I'm friendless and will always be friendless", you will probably end up being lonely. You can control your thoughts, even if other people (including doctors) say that it's not possible.

hopefully somebody was able to find something useful in that.

I wish you all the best. :)
 
14547896:mikem said:
Oof northern Utah can be harder to meet friends. If you can get down to slc area you’d like it more
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So, I should clarify that I’m in salt lake county but ig not everyone considers it northern UT.
 
14547906:armchair_skier said:
Can relate to a lot of what you've said OP

I used to (and still sort of do) have a complex where I expected people to just not like me. I didn't have an explanation for this other than thinking I was inherently unlikable and didn't deserve friendship or love from anyone. I felt this way for over 10 years. Thinking and feeling this way for as long as I did probably made me pass up many opportunities to form friendships/relationships but there's no point in dwelling on that.

OP do you have any friends? Real friends are a lot rarer than people think and social media/internet supercharges this distortion. Even if you don't have any friends at this moment its really not something to freak out about. However if you are like how I was last year (spending whole days without speaking to anyone), you need to fix that ASAP.

For making friends in skiing (or anything really the process is basically the same), just start talking to people. Ask them questions about how to hit a feature or gear they are wearing. Give them compliments on their gear or tricks they did. Most importantly, learn their name, say what's up when you see them around and say goodbye when you're heading out. Skiing is very cliquey and it can be hard to break into at times. Best bet is probably hitting up other solo riders.

Most importantly is to realize that thoughts/feelings/moods in your head project outward into the world and everyone else can sense it. The thoughts you think in your head determine the outcomes of events in your life. If you think to yourself "I'm friendless and will always be friendless", you will probably end up being lonely. You can control your thoughts, even if other people (including doctors) say that it's not possible.

hopefully somebody was able to find something useful in that.

I wish you all the best. :)
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Yes. This is very true. I will stop short of saying “friends” but more like acquaintances. They might think differently though. I while back I posted about depression but I am now dealing with significant anxiety too. Keep in mind I don’t drink/smoke/do drugs. I also have a therapist but the effectiveness is questionable. The connections I have create emotional instability and can increase feelings of aloneness. This has been more so since I got my position in the industry. I typically feel even more alone because I don’t find most people actually care much and will not be supportive. I’ve just been thinking I might need to go about stuff alone.
 
id say 100% be comfortable doing things (within reason) alone. eventually you will meet people doing the same things or have something to talk about when talking to new people. cant wait for others for you to live your life brotha. also knowing names and saying hello and goodbye are huuge for friendships.
 
14548493:utahnewb said:
Yes. This is very true. I will stop short of saying “friends” but more like acquaintances. They might think differently though. I while back I posted about depression but I am now dealing with significant anxiety too. Keep in mind I don’t drink/smoke/do drugs. I also have a therapist but the effectiveness is questionable. The connections I have create emotional instability and can increase feelings of aloneness. This has been more so since I got my position in the industry. I typically feel even more alone because I don’t find most people actually care much and will not be supportive. I’ve just been thinking I might need to go about stuff alone.
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It's good that you aren't using any substances.

I don't know you or anything about your situation other than from the posts you've written. Are you sure the people around you actually don't care about you? I don't doubt you, but I think there is a possibility that the anxiety or other feelings you're having is skewing how you see interactions with others. If everyone around you really doesn't care about you then maybe its time to get out of there, which I know is easier said than done.

I've never been with a therapist but the only advice I have is to be as open as possible with them, and if you think their therapy isn't working tell them that. Also maybe open up to your workplace about how you feel. If they give you shit for sharing how you feel, then they really are a bunch of jerks.
 
14548504:armchair_skier said:
It's good that you aren't using any substances.

I don't know you or anything about your situation other than from the posts you've written. Are you sure the people around you actually don't care about you? I don't doubt you, but I think there is a possibility that the anxiety or other feelings you're having is skewing how you see interactions with others. If everyone around you really doesn't care about you then maybe its time to get out of there, which I know is easier said than done.

I've never been with a therapist but the only advice I have is to be as open as possible with them, and if you think their therapy isn't working tell them that. Also maybe open up to your workplace about how you feel. If they give you shit for sharing how you feel, then they really are a bunch of jerks.
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Yes. I would bet money my peers don’t care if I’m dead or alive. If I went into the mountains and wasn’t back at the end of the day I bet they wouldn’t bat an eye.

I have this impulse to just go no contact with people I even vaguely know because while I love what I do, people just make me feel worthless and even more alone than being along. I’ve felt emotionally much worse being with people because I feel like I’m just a paperweight. It’s like this in school too and I am concerned that the constant invalidation is affecting my personality.

 
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