Lift Stories

i have a story that probly won't be as funny typed as it was in real life

so me and my freind Rowan got on the lift with this big guy from ohklahoma and a lady from ireland between us. Almost imediatly this guy notices the skulls and stuff on mine and rowan's skis (seth's) he exclaimed in his thick accent "damn you got some scareh shit on them skiis, You're not some of those white athiest bastards are ya?" I didn't know quite how to respond to this highly prejudice statment so i just laughed with an expression of astonishment. As the lift ride continued he recounted his tales of young age going up to angelfire (resort relatively adjacent to Taos) all the time. His story is as follows... "Yah me 'n' muh brother we used to get up at 4:00 in tha mornin get a quart of beer and gets some damn bologna, and some bread throw that in a cooler put it in the truck, try an puta quilt over the beers in the back of the truck keep that shit from freezin, cus godamn it was cold. An we drive down to angel fire about a damn near three-hour drive. And we grab some beer and some bologna sanwiches and be the first up the lift every damn day" So by now i was trying hard not to laugh out loud i mean it was funny as hell some old hick talking about beer and bologna was quite humerous. and he goes on about angel fire... "ya i was haulin ass down that damn run at angel fire 'hells bells' and i was skiing fahst, i mean this is when i was young and still badass at skiin, when the damn binder thing broke right off the damn ski and the sonofabitch when flying off into the damn trees an i had to go hiking through the damn woods looking for my ski the only guide you had was that damn track it made, and that shit was chest deep damn that shit sucked." We continued on with normal conversation and he was drilling us swaztiker boys" with all these questions, until we got on the subject of how bad our football team was, so me and rowan said we play soccer, upon which he started dissing on soccer and claiming football to be the "greatest team sport ever" upon which his irish freind finally piped in about the Rugby team where she is from is second best in the world and we had a good argument about rugby vs. football, where i shut him down hard a couple times. When we were getting off the lift he leaves us with the delightful sentance " don't get yourselves hurt swaztiker boys"
 
haha i don't think i have had anybody on the lift with me that open to talk about and say stuff like that to me
 
Last week my friend and I had been on this lift for about 20 seconds. We weren't very far up, maybe like 4-5 chairs from the lift station. But, anyway, suddenly we hear this random guy screaming and this little kid screaming so we look back and see the little kid dangling from the lift. There were 2 people holding on to the kid and it was maybe a 10 foot drop, so like 8 people gathered around where the kid would drop then they dropped the kid and the people caught the kid and like everybody catching the kid got knocked over it was funny. But it would be scary as fuck to be that kid because he was like 6.
 
i was tempted say "you know what you prejudice peice of shit redneck FUCK YOU you are an ignorannt motherfucker who doesnt deserve to breath another breath of my pure taos air" but he was a huge motherfucker so i just silenlty laughed at him
 
this past week when i went up we were chillen on the lift and we this dad in jeans with an open jacket and arms out wide haha flyin and theres bare spots on the trails and he nails one and just sticks and ejects outa noe of his kis and just fucking flips around funnniest shit ive seen in a while his kid goes next to him musta been so embarassed haha
 
that's a good chuck. i've tried it before and come close, but never made it to the pool. must have been funny as hell tho
 
heres my story of the chairlift.

Open jacket, open swisher box, open pocket, remove lighter from pocket, remove blunt from swisher box, put blunt in mouth, spark blunt with lighter, inhale.
 
At my hill, the lift takes about 7 minutes to get, up. SO me and some randoms were like 3/4 of the way up, the chair was at pretty much the highest point and suddenly the lift just stopped and stayed stopped for like 25 mins. Then we see all these ski patrollers skiing under us yelling that the lift broke down and that theyll try to bring us up on the backup (deisel) motor. That motor was sooooo slow, took like half an hour to get up!
 
I was just on a ski trip and we were at Winter Park and some woman whipped out a bong and started smoking it and when she got off the lift she just kept puffin away as she went down the run...it was pretty funny
 
just today at killington i saw this dude lose his edge on some trail and starts sliding down on his side. he ends up sliding into a freakin river that ran along side the trail. laughed pretty hard watching him trying to get out of the river with his skis still on.
 
i was at the top of the lift waiting for my friends in the chair behind me and a little girls back pack strap gets stuck in the chairlift as shes getting off. it drags her around to the other side on the going down side andleaves her dangeling by a back pack strap. they stop the lift then start and moves her probally 30 feet farther down were theres a flat part then she fell. tha'd b pretty scary.
 
So I'm on the chair today, and theres this like mass of gapers skiing down the hill. One of them hits a mogul like a jump, and I start yelling at him like "OH YEAH! THAT WAS SO SICK MAN! OH MY GOD!" etc. He looks up at me, and completely goes sailing off a mogul that he didn't see (he was looking up at me), and goes hauling head over heals off the run and into the mud (face-first.) He quite literally bit the dirt.
 
This is called a nutcracker my friends;

PulleyPower.jpg


It's what we had where I started skiing (fucking dope skifield actualy, shame it's gone now).

I was pretty small and I got my arm tangled in the rope, and went through like 5 fucking wheels, pulling the wire that's meant to emergency stop it. Then right at the end there's a second electric plug that if you go through turns it off, it still didn't fucking stop and I was like half a meter away from getting my arm ripped off on the big wheels at the end until it finally did stop.

those lifts are safe as
 
This kid was with his mom and brother and i was with them cause i was in singles. They were arguing and shit cause the kid wanted to do the park, but had to have someone with him. I'm just sitting there doing nothing, and out of nowhere he says he'll go with me, a complete stranger he met 5 minutes ago. and his mom actually let him go because she was so sick of him. So i just kept going through the park and taking the lift up, and that kid kept following me until 4:00. WTF
 
best story was i went up the lift with some friends and some raondom mom . then my one friend on the end thought it would be a good idea to try and pee on some one off the lift ...
 
its not a lift story but are mtn finally opened up last friday and we built a little botter and in the pit behind it some kid took a shit in it...well the other day after skiing when me and my friends left this one kid we no that snowboards was boardin with his girlfriend and it was so foggy you couldnt even seen the jump hge was going down the hill and he finally saw the jump when it was right in front of him and he tumbled over the jump and landed face first in the shit..haha just something thought i would share and this kid that landed in the shit was a dick anyway so it makes it even funnier
 
yeah so this one time we were in the jump park for a while at my hill. my cousin is hitting a 3 pack and this guy cuts in and they both land fine...we were leaving after that so i hit it and we were waiting at the bottom for the rest of our buddies. the kid who cut him off(about 25 or go) sees my cousin there(who was 16 and small) and decks him onto the ground. my cousins brother comes over whos around 20 and clicks outta his skis and beats the shit out of this kid bleeding and gave him a concussion. saw him there a week later and he straight left when we went in

it was hilarious
 
A kid from my school and some of his buds, they're boarders, where in the gondola at Keystone or Telluride. The doors closed and they closed all the windows in it and started smoking cigars as quickly as they could and when the guy at the top opened up the doors, smoke just bellowed out. Haha.
 
two years ago i took the lift from the bottom of whistler all the way to the glacier, with andy mahre. It was pretty rad, and it was before he was one of the top pros, so i just thought he was some random digger at our camp, then last year he just blew up.
 
we were waiting in line for the chair and my friend picked up a peice of a snowboard binding up off the ground and put it in my hood but i was angry i guess and didnt know what he was doing and then i punched him in the face and then his nose was bleeding. And thats my amazing story
 
this vacation at alta, this guy i went up with started off by asking how old i was. 15. Then he wen't on about how he lost his virginity once he was 18. "and then i fucked like a rabbit." And after his stories he told me all about how i should always treat a woman with respect and blah blah blah. He even talked about his relationship with his ex fiance who was a stripper. Then he told me to always use a rubber. This guy had no perspective of personal matters. He just gave his life story reguarding sex. really uncalled for.
 
haha last week this girl went to get on the lift with me and my friend and her board gor stuck and she fell off smacked her face on the ground and when her head bounced back up the bar under the seat nailed her in the back of the head just to finish her off
 
this one time me and a friend where going up the chair at holiday mountian(super crappy hill in manitoba) and it turns out to be some native reserves ski day so these native (not being racist) would go straight down and stop get on the chair lift and do it again so anyways we were going up and we see this girl go flying straight down arms straight out and she didnt see this jump so she shoots off it and does like half a back flip and lands on her face well the other natives behind us on the chair jump off and we thought they were going down to see if she was alright so the jump off and one of the natives gets hurt jumping off well the other native laughs at him and skis down to the girl stops and laughs his head off and pointing at her one of the funniest things ive ever witnessed
 
I was sking last week and we had our first bit of powder for the year. So there was 4 guys sking the chair line on a flat and they didn't look that great at sking. So one of them went off the beaten path a bit into the deeper pow and didn't lean back. Then his friends went off after him and they all went up on their tips and face planted. Then the lift stopped right next to them and one guy ran over the first one and fell and then the third one hit the first guy and the fouth guy got away. Then the first guy that fell got up and lost it at his friends throwing snow and then he tackled him intot he snow and sat on him sutffing snow down his jacket. It was great. Me and my friends started to clap and cheer them on.

Cheers,

-aaron
 
i broke my poles because i got distracted by this hot liftie and forgot to lift the bar. i snapped back to reality at the last second and was able to lift the bar in time to get off, but not save the poles. she saw the whole thing happen, so at least i have something to talk to her about. haha.
 
The other day I was on the lift and some kid, probly 10-12 years old comes flyinng down the hill, trying to pizza slow down or whatever but it wasnt working, he was going straight down, yelling like nuts, and he got moving pretty fast, they had a really bad crash, 2 runs later I hear yelling I look down and its the kid again, absolutelly hauling down the trail, and proceeded to crash again.

The same night I saw a snowboard come down almost the whole run by itslef, riding oversome skis and getting some good air, could have really deckked someone.
 
When I was 4 years old in Kids Kamp at Blackcomb I puked mostly hot chocolate all over a ski instructor who was underneath while I was riding the magic chair. I can't believe it actually hit him...
 
my friend pissed off the lift one time

and we saw a kid in front of us fall about 15 feet and then spit out blood and ski back into the lift line.

 
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