every saturday, i eat an entire jar of mayonnaise in 30 minutes. this gets me very aroused. then i get naked and vomit into my lap, and use the vomit as lube to masturbate with.
Ketchup is excellent, but barbeque sauce may have a slight advantage. I also strongly suggest that you buy the sauces from B-dubs, as they may be the tastiest condiments known to man, especially spicy garlic. I could put that on everything.