HELP!!! I think there are chemickals up my butt....

The.Man

The.Man

Member
Okay, a little background.

So we have this upstairs toilet. And for some reason, it gets this weird crackling in the paint, I don't even know what it is. It looks bad, like the paint is cracked, so we use this really intense toilet bowl cleaner to get it out.

So while I was sleeping this morning, my mom cleaned it with the chemickals. This shit has to sit for an hour to get them out, then you have to flush it before use. Really is some heavy stuff.

Anyway.

I woke up, still half asleep and went to take my morning poo. After the first release, I guess the bay doors were still open, and a lot, and I mean a LOT of water shot up the opening. Natural instinct is to close up, right? yeah.

Then the pain set in.

FIrst my asshole, then my rectum began burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. Feels like a fucking dragon is giving me a rimjob right now, I can't sit down on it. I'm lying on my side and typing this and IT FUCKING KILLS.

This was an hour or two ago, and the pain keeps getting worse. I had to use my cellphone to see if it was swollen, so I took a picture of me butthoal and it's really red and irritated.

I tried shooting more water up it with an ear cleaner thing but that didn't help at all. I'm afraid cause I think I have to shit again soon....

HELP

 
lolollolololololol this is one of the funniest stories ive seen on ns in a long time. sucks for you. maybe you should have your mom go get you some kind of ass cream to fix the pain

 
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if you feel like you have to shit again than go do it in a different toilet, it'll probably cleanse your cornhole out anyways
 
update:

I went back to the bathroom, stripped down, and pushed as hard as I could until a little came

out. There was some blood but it was liquid-y, I think I got whatever was in there out maybe.

Then I got in the shower and sat on my hands and knees with the shower on full power aimed at my ass, that was kinda weird but it helped while the water was hitting it. I got out and it hurt more though. I can feel my rectum. THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT.
 
It sounds like you really need to have someone pee in your butt. That should fix the problem, these chemicals are just like jelly fish stings.
 
Haha I am really sorry to hear this, but I am seriously loling so hard right now! Oh and you should probably go to the doctor.
 
this is simultaneously one of the more epic, hilarious, and disgusting things i have read on NS.

well done sir, well done. but in all seriousness, probably go to a doctor, burned buttholes are for life.
 
in on epic thread....

but fo real you should probably tell your mom and atleast ask her what the fuck that shit was
 
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