Greatest Essay Ever written
- Thread starter Ski-hobo
- Start date
LittleDevil720
Active member
hahahahah,brilliant
'Ever been hit in the head with a golf ball?'
-JF Cusson, making the argument that golf is an extreme sport
'Ever been hit in the head with a golf ball?'
-JF Cusson, making the argument that golf is an extreme sport
Dr.Dealgood
Active member
You made me laugh out loud the entire time I read that. I commend you.
Fucking Fantastic.
-AndrewP
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Per solitudinem ardere in remedium formidinis dictitabat.
'It is often said that the best remedy for fear is to burn alone.'
Fucking Fantastic.
-AndrewP
----------------------
Per solitudinem ardere in remedium formidinis dictitabat.
'It is often said that the best remedy for fear is to burn alone.'
lipen69
Active member
livejournal!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao
(tom)
----------------------
Life is tough. Its tougher when you're stupid
That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, I was going to write about how I was going to take away women's right to vote, but that one is pretty obvious since nobody wants women to vote, except for women, and they don't count. -maddox
my school mates always said that they would fuck anything that could walk. i never saw why i had to limit myself.
(tom)
----------------------
Life is tough. Its tougher when you're stupid
That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, I was going to write about how I was going to take away women's right to vote, but that one is pretty obvious since nobody wants women to vote, except for women, and they don't count. -maddox
my school mates always said that they would fuck anything that could walk. i never saw why i had to limit myself.
kyle_w
Active member
Rindin' in the benzo, popin the colla
See some fine wenches,I hafta' holla
Diamonds, gold, and the almighty dolla
I'm opedipus bitch, the original balla'
I bust out my 9 to light up your impala
Fuck the police!
holy shit!!!111!1! he has more hten one namne??>?? omggg!! what a sux0rz@!! LOL
I wrote the words to this song on the back of a photograph
Behind your back it goes
A little something like this is way to big to miss....
I heard that Line is putting dust from the moon in their skis to make them not as influenced by the gravity of the earth. Has anyone heard of this new technology?
See some fine wenches,I hafta' holla
Diamonds, gold, and the almighty dolla
I'm opedipus bitch, the original balla'
I bust out my 9 to light up your impala
Fuck the police!
holy shit!!!111!1! he has more hten one namne??>?? omggg!! what a sux0rz@!! LOL
I wrote the words to this song on the back of a photograph
Behind your back it goes
A little something like this is way to big to miss....
I heard that Line is putting dust from the moon in their skis to make them not as influenced by the gravity of the earth. Has anyone heard of this new technology?
12ParkRat60
Active member
it takes balls
He who hesitates masturbates
He who hesitates masturbates
proZach
Active member
that walt whitman was funny. i remember one my friend brought to school and showed me. it was hillarious. ima check the top ones...
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
wilkesyachtingco
Active member
hi-frickin-larious.
Mercy's eyes are blue
When she places them in front of you
Nothing holds a roman candle to
The solemn warmth you feel inside
Mercy's eyes are blue
When she places them in front of you
Nothing holds a roman candle to
The solemn warmth you feel inside
lineskier10
Active member
which fuckin teacher would give that kid a D- for the love of god, that kid must be in a fucking special education class or something, or its just bullshit
--------------------
HIGH NORTH SESSION 4
The Hot Sauce Champion of the World
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HIGH NORTH SESSION 4
The Hot Sauce Champion of the World
proZach
Active member
its not the same one i read, but its damn funny. thats only a D-? I've done papers worse than that one and they weren't nearly as retarded.
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
Matty.
Active member
That was fuckin hilarious!! And he got 61% thats crazy for the content!
-Matty
Kill his family and then at his funeral show him the videotape of you killing htem and then when he starts crying throw flour at him and shove poo in his nostrils. -Mikee talking about getting revenge on hackers
-Matty
Kill his family and then at his funeral show him the videotape of you killing htem and then when he starts crying throw flour at him and shove poo in his nostrils. -Mikee talking about getting revenge on hackers
proZach
Active member
check this piece out. its hillarious
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU: ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE ` YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration team. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who has seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and all my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU: ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE ` YOU AS A PERSON?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration team. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who has seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and all my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
But I have not yet gone to college.
(zach)
free xbox?or an iPod?
wazzucrewskier
Active member
SteezePatrol
Active member
the first essay prolly wasn't marked by a real english teacher, considering he missused the word 'to', instead of too.
Sheldon
Sheldon
three60mute
Member
the teacher spelled 'too' wrong
it says 'page is to big'
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The mountains are calling me home.
it says 'page is to big'
-----------------------
The mountains are calling me home.
redheadskier_chick1242
Member
another pretty good one
Chemistry Exam
The following is supposedly an actual question given
on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
-----
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which
souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different Religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, 'it will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary
of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A
*courtney
-girls of NS represent-
Chemistry Exam
The following is supposedly an actual question given
on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.
-----
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed) or some variant. One student,
however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which
souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different Religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, 'it will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number
2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary
of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby
proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY A
*courtney
-girls of NS represent-
SchweitzerSki
Active member
what is the link for the first one?
**************************************
'NS is like hotel california, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.'-Sugarloaf
**************************************
'NS is like hotel california, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.'-Sugarloaf
SteezePatrol
Active member
I just said that...and also how the hell do you get 61% with that? At my school if we did that we would just get like a 0 and suspended
Sheldon
Sheldon
skierdudeguy
Active member
haha, oh lord, the funniest thread ive laid eyes on.
I don't deny there are bad things in the US right now, hell, 51% of the country to be exact. But god damnit, our country being fat is NOT a problem. I do't give a shit how fat people are. hell, fat kids are harder to kidnap, that means our country is safer.
-melvs
I don't deny there are bad things in the US right now, hell, 51% of the country to be exact. But god damnit, our country being fat is NOT a problem. I do't give a shit how fat people are. hell, fat kids are harder to kidnap, that means our country is safer.
-melvs
freeski1620
Active member
wow, those were all great, especaly the last one about hell frezeing over. that was awsome!
'what?' Lauren every time you ask her a question for the first time!
skiing what i thought this was a porn site and every one i was talking to were sexy ppl ..i thought skiing was a sex term we all uesed. damn!-twintiprider
'did you know your skiing backwards?'
a female tourist to me at breck while riding switch down a trail to the park.
'what?' Lauren every time you ask her a question for the first time!
skiing what i thought this was a porn site and every one i was talking to were sexy ppl ..i thought skiing was a sex term we all uesed. damn!-twintiprider
'did you know your skiing backwards?'
a female tourist to me at breck while riding switch down a trail to the park.
hes a funny fuckin kid
_________________________________________________________
'michael moore called...said he is ready to fuck you again' - SUpilot
'Yeah, most pros are strict Mormons. I read an interview with Tanner where he talked about his experience with a caffinated beverage. He said that it screwed up his style because he was poisoning the temple that is his body. Then some of his wives left him.' - Mistaskier
The actual best essay ever is The Owl in the Bedroom by James Thurber, but good luck finding it on the internet. I've tried, dammit.
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In a haze
A stormy haze
I’ll be around
I’ll be loving you
Always
Always
Here I am
And I’ll take my time
Here I am
And I’ll wait in line
Always
Always...
------------
In a haze
A stormy haze
I’ll be around
I’ll be loving you
Always
Always
Here I am
And I’ll take my time
Here I am
And I’ll wait in line
Always
Always...
Apple
Active member
'I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.' made my night. these essays are awesome.
-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
'I hope you get hit by a neon'
'just make sure all the Jewish kids have rides'
'naahhmahhnahhhahhh ... i mean ... the weekend of monday'
'My penis is like a hockey stick, its always got game if you know how to handle it'
'Go down to the bottom bunk and finish it yourself'
'I dont condone this'
'i see you guys on the rails and its like 'Muah''
--->Capital.City.Rider.
-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
'I hope you get hit by a neon'
'just make sure all the Jewish kids have rides'
'naahhmahhnahhhahhh ... i mean ... the weekend of monday'
'My penis is like a hockey stick, its always got game if you know how to handle it'
'Go down to the bottom bunk and finish it yourself'
'I dont condone this'
'i see you guys on the rails and its like 'Muah''
--->Capital.City.Rider.
Lanemeyers
Active member
good shit. That first one was funny, as was the college app...
Commander of the Silent Army
Viva La Resistance!
Commander of the Silent Army
Viva La Resistance!
brokebutitsworthit
Active member
damnit make ski hobos essay work i wanna read them
note to self avoid blowing motor....again
note to self avoid blowing motor....again
EastcoastAR5
Active member
haha those are awesome but i think u just used paint to write the teachers notes...but still an amazing peice
word
L-MOB fo lyfe
word
L-MOB fo lyfe
EastcoastAR5
Active member
The college essay is pure gold...kids actually do weird stuff like that and colleges love it because its so different...My cousin knew this girl that got into an amazing school and she wrote her paper on how much and why she loved spongebob squarepants
word
L-MOB fo lyfe
word
L-MOB fo lyfe
