Funniest thing you've ever heard a cop say

Cop - "You cant rollerboard here"

Me " its called skateboarding, maybe thats why kids keep coming back here cause they dont know what rollerboarding is"

haha fucking pigs
 
officer: i am going to search your property

man: no you need a warrant. do you have a warrant?

Officer: i dont need a warrant.

man: yeah you do.

officer: really........shit
 
cop sees me and my friend playing tag in the streets late at night.

asks us what we're going, we say playing tag.

"tag huh?......fucking right..."
 
ballchinian.gif


Cop: Sir, you're going to have to cover those up.

Ballchinian: Cover what up?
 
whats up with that? is it from a movie or tv show? i've never seen it till you put it as your icon
 
We are standing in the driveway at a house party in Tacoma. The cops here just usually break them up and then have to go do real cop shit. Ive only seen two or three people get MIPs in the three years Ive been here.

Anyway, as he pulls up, everyone just starts to leave. we are just standing there, taking out time.

he gets out of the car, walks up, sees everyone leaving and goes..."ah......nobody likes me....." in a really sad/sarcastic voice. We all thought it was great.
 
Pre-gaming at SPAC before a concert

Cop starts yelling at everyone to drop drinks and leave

Cop: "You kids need to go straight to the concert and not come back here"

Kid: "but we gotta get drunnkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!"

Another kid

Cop: "Alright, everyone drop the drinks" and then looks at a kid

Kid: "ahhhhh, shit" walks to cop
 
i lived in the dorms last year and the campus guys that patrolled our dorm knew i was 21 some how. anyway, so im telling my buddy to put his bong away guys the cops are in our hall. all of a sudden they stop at my door and they're knocking on it. i was pretty reluctant to go over to them, but then they spotted me. one of them says "Oh there he is!", and i though i was fucked. So i walk over wondering if im getting in trouble for buying minors beer or some shit. when i get to my door there is a group of kids standing on the stairs right outside my door and i'm thinkin' "what the fuck?" The cops are like, "here you want these kids' beers? They're underage and dumb." of course i accepted. It was the tightest moment i've ever had with some cops. So, i'm wlaking down the hall next to them and i thank them, stop at the bathroom to take a leak and i hear one of them say "damn we need to bust some kids with pot, i wanna get high."
 
a cop there came up to us and said, "you guys are drinking to much and making to much noise, spread out."
 
damn...hahahah... you shudda asked for his nuber, or asked him to call u when he got some pott hahha
 
cop knocks on door at a party

kid answers door

cop: "OH NO ITS THE COPS."

-superbad

hahahahahlolololol
 
my friend who had a fake loads 4 cases into my trunk, gets in the car, po had been watching us and ran my plates, he pulls up next to me real quick, asks how old i am, i say 18, my friend says 21, the po asks us what all the beer is for, i say im just driving my friends bro on a beer run cuz hes been drinking, the cop asks me if im gonna drink any beer tonight, say no im just giving this kid a ride, he goes "you mean to tell me he just put 4 cases of beer in your car and your not gonna drink any of it???" haha, ends up i lucked out, he let me go, but he called my dad (who didnt care), and turns out my dad had testified in court for this specific police officer twice, so the cop let me off, he says he normally would have ran both our id's and searched the car (bam paraphanelia and possesion charge)
 
me and my buddies were walking home with a 24 pack, we stopped in a closed gas station to finish them off. as soon as we open a few up a cop rolls through. He starts askin us questions. he asks who bought the beer and my friend said he got it off shore (we were in shelter island, if anyone knows the tip of long island) and the cop then asks "well how old are you?" my friend replys, "18" and the cop tells him to hand over his fake id. my friend gives it to him then asks, "well, can i have it back?" the cop says "no". my friend replies, "PPPLEEEAAASEEE?!". The cop said, "if you want it your coming to jail with me." then he goes around asking how old we are and then our names. I, like the drunk idiot i am, gave a fake first name and my real last name. he goes through all of that with all of my friends then asks to see id. i told him i had none. he then pats me down and says, "you sure about that pal?" I answered saying, "fine here it is" then, i farted. the cop said, "oh my god, who farted, that was terrible." I answered, "it was me sir." He said, "my eyes are tearing." We all had a laugh and then he asked again to see my id. luckily, he didnt realize i gave a fake first name, otherwise id be in trouble. he eventually let us go on the condition we pour our 24 pack out. we did so, or so we thought. our buddy ended up saving 6 by hiding them and we all enjoyed them on the long walk home. the end.
 
in like 7th grade me and my cronies were out going to tp something. we start walking down a road and this lady pulls up and asks what were doing out so late. me and my friend just stare at her and run. then it turns out she called the cops because she thought we were burglars or somtin. as we are walking home 5 cop cars surround us and take all our info then search us. once they found out we wernt burglars but just a couple of kids causing mischief they started joking around with us and one of them said to the other officers, "well should we take the toilet paper to the evidence room or just put in the the bathroom." i thought it was pretty funny at the time.
 
haha waiting in line for a tent sale at burton hammmmmmmmmmered at 5 am the other day.

me-excuse my officer, wait can i call you that if you are just a security gaurd?

him-no im a real cop also, call me whatever you want kid.

me-nice, is that a tazer or a gun?

him- i got both

me-would you shoot me if i got out of line or crossed the threshold?

him- no i might taze you though

me-shittttttt i bet that hurts huh?

him- yeah its like getting hit with a baseball bat all over your body and it last for ten seconds.

me- oh shit!......thats a lot of baseball bats for a long time...good analogy though.

then i called him big john and told everyone that if they started and trouble big john would taze their ass.
 
yeah then i helped them write down peoples names so that we knew who was who in line and no one would get cut, haha i was friends with everyone that night til i almost got in a fight or two.
 
me n some of my buddies are out one night to steal these like election signs that are cardboard for the mayor or something of our city. right after we load like 30 in the car i start to drive away and a cop comming oposite way pulls a U and follows me and flips on lights.... as the guy walks up to the cars he asks what we are doing we say it's a prank for a friend cause it was.... and he is like "you have like 20 or so signs back there you know those are like 200 dollars apiece... you do the math on how much it will cost" Thought it was funny cause it was complete bull shit
 
yeah gotta love driving around at night and spraying them with orange paintballs....i live in the middle of fucking nowhere so we dont have to worry about cops
 
Me and my friend walk through the old Harlem valley psychatric center to get from the train station to home and hes gotta take a leak. Like real bad. and the whole place has security so im like okay you piss ill keep watch. well hes pissin and a security guy starts rollin over. Im like JON PISS! HES COMMIN! Hes like okay im done. So we walk away from the building and the car pulls up next to us

him: Where you kids going

Me: Home, we have to walk from the station

Him: Where you live?

Me: Over that way *points*

Him: Well then why'd you and your friend go back over near that building hmmm?

Me: Well you see........there was a bunny

Him:........a bunny?

Me: yeah, a bunny. We saw it and went to go chase after it

Him: .........go home

We start walking away laughing and im like thank god I saw a bunny in my backyard this morning. We look back and hes got a flashlight out looking near the building and its like 3 in the afternoon.
 
nah the cop goes "why dont you guys all just go straight into the concert

kids screams "cause we all gotta get druuuuuunk"

 
when i got arrested and he read me my rights i thought it was the funniest thing i had ever heard

 
one night cops came to my buddies house when we were drinking and all of us being very compliant and shit, except this one dumbass whose a few years younger. he starts asking the cops questions like "hey man sweet gun, wanna go out back and off a few a rounds?" and the cop was getting real pissed at this kid so he looks at my buddy who lived there and goes "i'll turn around for a second if you want to knock him out." so my buddy just brought him to the hallway, shoved him against the wall and makes him go sit in the bathroom until the cops leave. we ended up just getting our shit taken and our BAC's written as zeros.
 
ok so my friend got pulled over by a rookie

My friends name is Pat

Pat: what was i doing wrong officer? what i speeding?

Rookie Officer: no your back tail lights that are red are out.

Pat: how so? my front lights are on.

Rookie Officer: I dont know how so they just are.

Pat: Well this is one of those new high tech cars that has switches for both the front and tail lights and i dont no how to work it.

Rookie Officer: Are you high?

Pat: No sir.

Rookie Officer: Drunk then?

Pat: No sir. I just dont no how to work this car. This is my parents car i have a low-tech jeep wrangler.

Rookie Officer: Yeah these cars now aday are really batman style.

Pat: Batman Style?

Rookie Officer: Yeah high tech. switches for everything.

Pat: So. Can i leave or do i get a ticket for not knowing how to work a batman car.

Officer let us go. Had to be the funniest conversation of my life. this guy was like 60 and a rookie cop.
 
I was drinkin behind the library one time and right after i crack a brew officer dick (his real name) pulls up and says "i know you kids ant checking out books at this hour", i was i on the driver side and he was o nthe passenger side, so i told my friedn to tell him were returning them, but he just said were leaving and left.
 
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