engineering jokes

Brit1275

Brit1275

Active member
You might be an engineer if . . .

. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.

. . . you enjoy pain.

. . . you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.

. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.�

. . . you’ve actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.

. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.

. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.�

. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.

. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

. . . you think in “math.�

. . . you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.

. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.

. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat Experiment.

. . . you can translate English into Binary.

. . . you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says 'Exit.�

. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.

. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.

. . . you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.�

. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

. . . the “fun� center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

. . . you’ll assume that a “horse� is a “sphere� in order to make the math easier.

. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.

. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.

. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.

. . . you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road.

The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control.

Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff.

They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed.

The manager said 'To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution.'

The engineer said 'No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it.'

The programmer said 'I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.'

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
hahahahha wow sean. my life is now complete.

what was that engineering thing you told me about when we were at snoqualmie again? ..when someone says 'whatsup'

'I asked him about ways to get Stephanie's pants off and he said to tell her she has a spider in her vagina that can only be captured by a sperm coating and she will be like OMG DO ME HARD AND FAST!'
 
When somebody says 'Whats new?'

You say really loudly 'POISSONS RATIO!!!' which is the greek letter 'nu' which looks like a curly 'v'.

Poissons ratio is the ratio of how long a material gets to how skinny it gets when under a tensile load. Think about a rubber band - when you stretch it, it gets skinnier. Thats a poissons ratio effect.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
haha YES

'I asked him about ways to get Stephanie's pants off and he said to tell her she has a spider in her vagina that can only be captured by a sperm coating and she will be like OMG DO ME HARD AND FAST!'
 
its like I always say:

I'm the integral of happiness with respect to sunshine!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
do you really always say that?

'I asked him about ways to get Stephanie's pants off and he said to tell her she has a spider in her vagina that can only be captured by a sperm coating and she will be like OMG DO ME HARD AND FAST!'
 
hahahah, well not always, i came up with it a few weeks ago and can't stop laughing at it (cause sweet jesus I'm so god damn funny!)

with respect to sunshine! hahaha, its GENIUS!!!!!

(the ironic part is I am tragically depressed, dark, and suicidal)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
(sorry, that was a joke, I am not suicidal)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
So these prisioners are being executed one day. The first was a commoner. He puts his head under the guillotine and they pull the cord, but nothing happens, so they have to let him go. The second guy up is a doctor. He puts his head on the block, they pull the cord, nothing happens, so they have to let him go. The next guy is a engineer, and he asks before he goes 'can i lie face up?', so they let him. Just before they're about to pull the cord, the engineer says, 'Wait, I see your problem!'

So what did the arts major say to the engineering major?

-Would you like fries with that?

=================================

Rowen

'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'

*whispers* 'I love your movies!'

'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'

 
haha wow. this is just gonna be one big thread of engineering jokes

'I asked him about ways to get Stephanie's pants off and he said to tell her she has a spider in her vagina that can only be captured by a sperm coating and she will be like OMG DO ME HARD AND FAST!'
 
yo mamma is so fat when she goes to a all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mamma is so fat she was born on march 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th.

Yo momma is so fat when she sings its over for everyone.

Yo momma is so ugly her mother had to feed her with a slingshot.

Yo momma is so old, when she was born the dead sea was just getting sick.

Yo momma is so fat she gets group insurence.

Yo momma is so fat when she stands on the scale it says 'to be continued...'.

You mommma is so fat you have to grease the doorframe and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma is so fat she eats 'Wheat Thicks'.

Yo momma is so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo momma is so fat shes on both sides of the family.

Yo momma is so fat when she has to haul ass she makes two trips.

Yo momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma is so fat when she walks into the Gap, she fills it.

Yo momma is so fat, she had to go to seaworld to get baptized.

Yo momma is so fat, she has smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma is so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in.

Yo momma is so fat, when she was floating in the ocean, Spain claimed her for the New World.

=================================

Rowen

'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'

*whispers* 'I love your movies!'

'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'

 
^^^^^^ I didn't learn long division until like 2 months ago... the one I apply to most on the original list is the caffeinne one.. I've been addicted to caffeinne since at least the 7th grade. never tried to quit before that.

Not afraid to be mistaken not afraid to try, not afraid to be uncertain not afraid to die

 
'you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water'

whatever - in order to get somethings integral, you need to take its antiderivative- which is impossible to do with regard to 'chicken'

and how would you take the derivative of water? its not even an equation. haha, you people are so wierd

~-~NWFT~-~

*Kirsten*

start smoking crack. It'll probably be better for you, and you won't need alcohol anymore - Melvs
 
^^^^ you must be new to calculus. need the antiderivative? haha pleeeeeeease.

you can integrate anything, trust me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
What about yo momma?

=================================

Rowen

'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'

*whispers* 'I love your movies!'

'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'

 
Wow and I though I was a nerd. Seriously you guys these are about the worst jokes ever.

And as for the guillitoin one the dean of my engineering school tells it every chance he gets. I have heard it at least 20 times. For every speech, introduction, parrent visitation day, graduation... etc man I fucking hate it.

------Hood Snow Sucks AssThe toughest trick in pipe now seems to be the elusive 1080-to-respectable interview - Kendrick on T-Halls post X pipe interview
 
haha wow, too much cool math talk, haha sean i love your response 'anitderivitive? pleeeeaase'

'I asked him about ways to get Stephanie's pants off and he said to tell her she has a spider in her vagina that can only be captured by a sperm coating and she will be like OMG DO ME HARD AND FAST!'
 
oh ok, integrate. i thought it said integral

~-~NWFT~-~

*Kirsten*

start smoking crack. It'll probably be better for you, and you won't need alcohol anymore - Melvs
 
I am talking about taking an integral. You could take an integral of a chicken if you wanted. antiderivatives are a means of finding a simple algebraic 'solution' for an integration - often that is not what is desired.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
made a cool little CFD animation cause I'm too sick to do anything else... This is the normalized pressure around a NACA 24012 airfoil varying angle of attack from 0 to 30 degrees. Red is higher pressure, green and blue is lower. Notice the CRAZY low pressure on the top near the leading edge - this is where the flow is going very fast (on a transonic airfoil, it would be supersonic in this region) and this also gives rise to leading edge suction!

pressureanim.gif


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
I apologize, that's actually a NACA 23012 airfoil, and here is the streamlines at an angle of attack of 15 degrees:

streamlines.jpg


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
The BIGGEST engineering joke of all:

buahahahahahahahaha, yesssssssss

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
what the fuck... my picture doesn't show up, and I think you're^^^^^ posting in the wrong thread.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
alright, figured out the picture posting.....

HERE is the biggest engineering joke ever....

sean_nozzle.jpg


its MEEEEE

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And everything else closed and I was making shoes.
 
Three engineers are in a car that breaks down. One is a mechanical engineer, on a chemical engineer and the last one a software engineer.

The mechanical engineer says it's something wrong with the engine, let's fix the crankshaft.

The chemical engineer says the fuels not burning right, let's fix the intake.

The software engineer say, let's close all the windows and start it again.

Three engineering students were discussing what kind of engineer god is.

One said, God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.

Another said, No, he's an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.

The last said, Actually God is a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a playground?

ERTW
 
hahahahahah, those are great!

Except god would be aeronautical engineer for sure - because it rules over ALL other engineering.
 
its ok people, stew tang is just jealous that our regional is going OFFFFFF, and hes pissed that he's not listening to his wu tang.....
 
the next time i see you snow!!! ima kick your fucking ass!!!!!

god i wanna go skiing.

hahahaha and i still don't get why you and ferdinand are on a skiing website. i think its cool and all, but im still baffled
 
cause they're cooler than us?

and who's complainging about statics homework??? statics is NOT HARD

sum of forces and moments is zero! THATS THE WHOLE CLASS! ITS STATIC! Boo hoo! Do some non-linear aerodynamics, then you can cry all you want.
 
well basically its because all of the snowboarding sites really suck and are confusing and stuff. i dont actually come on here to look at sick pics of skiers and stuf, i mainly just use the regionals and the cults. if they made a site exactly like newschoolers, just for snowboardiing, i wudda been on that a while ago. also, since snowboarding and skiing are becoming soooooo similar, its easy to talk about things with skiers. plus i know alot of the people now, makes it more intresting.....

ps. youd never be able to take on a tall, strength bound brute like myself.....
 
its just like in cartoons dude! it'd be like scooby sitting on shagy's sholders with a sheet over them pretending to be a ghost
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top