Dumbest thing you ever heard.

why do you live by the water?

cant drink it

Of course nowadays, 15 year old pros are a bountiful norm and regularly appearing at major competitions. You can�¢??t swing your pole in the park anymore without smacking some 12 year old prodigy who�¢??s probably going to be better than you�¢??ll ever be. - trevorwoulddoit
 
once at a comp me and my friends were talking about where we were from, and we all went around in a circle, like irish, italien, w/e. so we get to alexa, who is like 13 or 14, so shes younger than us, but not like stupid young, and she goes "i dunno, umm im from jewish?" haha then she had to ask her dad later

one good thing about music
is when it hits, you feel no pain...
 
Some chick asked me where wood comes from once.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

- Matt*

Brent likes to do his women like his boots, rear-entry. eh Chauncy
 
i was at breakfast with two of my friends once at this tiny little place, it was like a lil local place, the whole place was probably 20 feet by 20 feet. Tiny. so were in the middle of eating and one of my friends, zach, goes.....o shit i forgot to pay for my egg sandwich, so i said y dont u go do that. he asks me "where do i pay??" and i say "at the counter idiot" and then he goes, "where is the counter" (this is stupid becuase the place is tiny and its obvious, and plus the table we were sitting at was RIGHT next to it, like our table was touching the edge of the counter) he was totally serious too

i thought it was great

 
we was diz-cussin' (yea , you like that new diction of the word discussing) the 1920's in america and this kid was all "isn't this when prostitution was invented" . yea, this kid is really dumb.

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HACIDIC JEWS ARE SOOO HOT RIGHT NOW!!!
 
9th grade- world geography:

(you know on the map of the US, Alaska is scaled down to 1/3 its size)

this kid was all "Texas is the biggest state " and we were all "no Alaska is ".so he points to the scaled down Alaska and says"nuh-uh, see, Alaska is smaller" whilest he compares Texas and Alaska's sizes on the map.he was so convinced that he almost got into a fight over it.

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HACIDIC JEWS ARE SOOO HOT RIGHT NOW!!!
 
well this isnt so much as stupidest thing ive heard but this girl at my school loves the wrestler the rock and we told her that ottawa(where we live) has a baskebtall team called The Ottawa Rock and she believed us...so we thought that was pretty dumb and decided to keep playin wiht her and told her that the star player was Chewbaca Gretzky...Wayne Gretzkys basketball playing younger brother.THis she also believed. SO for the netx week she kept asking us about hte ottawa rock and when the next games were and if she could get tickets and shit we totally had her going for so long then we broke down and told her

SKATEBOARDING

"How about you make like a tree and get the fuck outta here" -Boondock Saints
 
said by jeff (or somthing said like this): "So Canada isn't the 51st state?"

public television represent.

RIP Mitch Hedberg.

www.mitchhedberg.net

 
Overheard in a ski shop during a big storm cycle.....

Two shop staff members talking about how sick the next day will be.

Tourist (50 yr old female) interupts there excitement by saying " I don't know what your two are so happy about, I don't want it to snow, I am on a ski vacation"

Apparently she was all about bluebird days. Classic story I will never forget.

Hesitation = Devastation

'You know there are a buttload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept asking me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bowstaff.'
 
im a first year, i was skiing w/ these kids i didnt like but they took me skiing so i dealed, it was pretty much my first jump so i was trying 3's for the 1st time and they told me to "pencil it out thats wat your suposed to do"

anther thing that happened, i slid a 25 foot flat bar really nicly because it was realy easy, they told me "gorilla steez looks good if you are steel spence but your not so stand up and put your feet close together"

fuckin retards (andrew lanier and friends )

 
darwin awards, there are some dumb people. guy was havin car problems he finds out its the connection to his battery. so he tries to find something to fit into the gap, a bullet. he puts it in and it work. for 20 miles until the bullet gets hot, discharges, and blows his nuts off. then theres that guy who robbed a bank at night and got away with 700k in cash, but he was caught when the police saw the blinks of his light up sneakers from a helicopter.

07' fo life bitch

I dont know what ya heard about me,

but ya aint gettin a smirinoff for free,

you can sit yourself, on-my-knee,

but keep ya hands off me P.I.N.T.

 
this fat girl in my 7th grade math class was absolutley convinced that this 30 60 90 triangle was isosceles and the teacher even told her she was wrong but she still was too stubborn. so i looked it up online and showed it to her the next day. she started telling me how i was a know it all and she got really pissed. all i could do was laugh at her and tell her she was a dumb ass.

I must find the perfect spoon.
 
^^ haha fuck yeah. i read in there that some guy injected coke in an eyedropper into his dick for a 'sex high'. his boner didn't go away and the next day he got scared and went to the hospital. it ended up the boner never went away, but his cock did turn black and fall off within a week.

 
T-man, like Scott Peterson was charged with the murder of his wife and unborn son, see, so in Kentucky if you killed a preggers lady, you would only be charged with one murder

I don't need no arms around me I don't need no drugs to calm me I have seen the writing on the wall

 
Some kid i know tryed to convince me that there are more than a trillion people in the world and that there were over a billion people at woodstock

 
A hotel limo driver told me that one time he picked a women and her faimly up at SLC airport and they were all balling their eyes out. So he asks them what the problem is and they said that they came for a ski vacation but they won't be able to go because there is no snow on the ground. Meanwhille it is dumping in the canyons and they just flew over hundreds of snow covered mountains.

Im still afloat, i aint the captain of tha yact but im on the boat
I aint actin what im not
Knowin that i dont
 
we had a sub once that tried to tell us the alamo was a battle with french people in canada, and that the alamo was in new hampshire

V-TOWN Bitches!
 
haha what are those for, oh you actually need something to hold you to the ski? i thought it was like a skateboard where you just hop on and go. no feet attached

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-------------------------------- Some people talk it, some people live it, some people walk it-some people give it... deal with it.

D-Loc AKA Shaky Bones... Original, Unique, and One of a Kind.
 
Aight, so a bunch of people are just chillin in the hot tub drinking some beers and talking about "The grand canyon." (Not the natural formation, rather, the chick that had a dude put his head into her puss.)

Any ways, this moron - we'll call him Nick G., actually N. Gervais, I don't even know why he was there - says the following:

"What if you took a lazer electric gun and shot the girl with it? And then her muscles in her vagina would contract and chop the guys head off and his head would be stuck in there and he would die. Right guys?"

- What the fuck is a lazer electric gun?

'I like long walks on the beach...sipping champagne by the fire...gutting dear... (Tweaks_Rock_me)
 
one time me and my friend were driving by this store in my town called associated, and my friend looks at the sign and was like "ASS-O-KI-ATE-ED, hey deirdre, wut does that spell?"

 
once at camp a bunch of kids were playing idiot of the bunk. so it goes down like this

anouncer: if you were in the middle of the WOODS what would you build a house out of?

consestant 1: plastic?

contestant 2: no you retard, plastic doesnt stand up.

in bio class freshman year some girl didnt know the difference between cows and bulls

teacher: so all cows are female, and all bulls are male.

anna: what? no way. thats crap.

(anna kept asking the teacher for like 10 minutes)

sarah: anna you are such a retard.

anna: shut up, you thought the prime minister was the leader of the church.

 
The dumbest thing i've ever heard was when this one girl Ida were so amazed over how they could get Finnish(I live in finland) radio channels in a siemens(german) radio. :D

 
This kid in my class yesterday was reading an article out loud for the class and he said MISKTI a bunch of people were confused as to what that meant so he repeated it 5 times MISKTI, MISKTI, MISKTI, MISKTI, MISKTI at this point the teacher went over read were he was pointing and did a gesture like if he wanted to smack him in the head and said "that says mississippi"

we started class again after a good 3 minutes of laughter

 
one day when derek was trippin on shrooms over my house we were whatching nascar for some reason. there were these guys talking then this one guy started talking about absolutely nothing saying "17%" over trying to sonud intelligent and all the other guys were like "what are you talking about" the guy looked so embarassed

but we thought it was funny

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~Listen son, said the man with the gun, there is room for you inside~

Doctor said son, you have Reggaemylitis
 
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