Doctor says I need a Stool Sample, What should I eat?

[PM4FreeJiberish]

Oh btw the cup is super small and the nurse told me to "just aim"

 

[DrewPeacock]

ok

 

[Lé.Skiing]

print this out, fold it up and put it in the container.

 

[Randel]

Lucky Charms

 

[op14]

Buffalo chicken mozzarella sticks. Just ate them and am currently typing this from the shitter. My butthole is enflamed but it was worth it.

 

[ZachAndCheese]

Just go to a traditional chinese or taiwanese food. Order all the foods that you can't pronounce and there's a good chance that your doctor may be able to still find them in your sample!

 

[cool_name]

Oh btw the cup is super small and the nurse told me to "just aim"

the nurse is wrong about just aiming, that would be disgusting. You are meant to cover the toilet in Saran wrap, but let it droop enough not to make a mess, then with the little spoon attached scoop some in. No, i am not bullshitting either you are meant to do it this way to avoid any contamination from bacteria in the toilet.

or you could just scoop in some dog poop and see what the doctor says, that would way funnier

 

[BeefiestExpert]

Eat nails and hopefully they come out ok..... Surely it will get the doctors attention

 

[Lemuel]

Corn. Lots and lots of corn and only corn for about 48 hours before hand.

 

[Daski]

Lots of corn and lots of coins

 

[milk_man]

Taco bell, chicken wings and beans.

 

[spaceghostpurp]

too bad big blacks dump truck wasnt still in buisness.

^fantasy factory reference

 

[DENIM_CHICKEN]

Anything that will show up whole in your shit (corn, pop jellybeans like pills, metallic objects, dildos, etc.)

 

[yangumane]

too bad big blacks dump truck wasnt still in buisness.

^fantasy factory reference

Lol !!!!

 

[reBlocke]

You really think your taco bell shit is going to gross your nurse/doc out? They probably just got done draining fecal pus mix from the perianal abscess of some 65 year old morbidly obese woman. Good luck...

 

[skiersupreme]

glass and taco bell

 

[little1337]

cashews

only cashews

 

[1337]

cashews

only cashews

corn

only corn

 

[treetrunks]

My doctor said I need a stool sample too

 

[.Hugo.]

Shit, then eat your shit and shit again. Or better yet eat my shit

 

[.FRY.]

a shit ton of food coloring

 

[SFB]

plastic bags

 

[KrazyistKarl]

Dildos. Only Dildos

 

[backseat.bandit]

Get dog shit from local park to blow his lab assistant's mind

 

[seward]

lol.

op has aids and doesnt know it yet

 

[galaxia]

beets

 

[CliffyByro]

beets

lots and lots of beets. shit bright red goodness.

 

[b-kul]

why are you trying to mess around with this? obviously you need this for a reason, why fuck around with your health to try and get some internet lols?

 

[CaptainObvious.]

beets

And pesto.

Eat a beet and pesto diet for three days straight. Go into that bitch and shit christmas in a cup.

And dress like santa when you go to give your sample.

 

[TinyTigers]

Take vicodin or something that makes you really constipated and eat everything. X-lax after a week should do the trick.

 

[dingus]

eat exactly 3 marjuanas

 

[AT-AT]

Just did one. They are nothing special.

 

[Dolan.Escobar]

Eat a big mac. Poop it out, eat the poop.

Your next poo will be an intact big mac

 

[Crispy.]

the nurse is wrong about just aiming, that would be disgusting. You are meant to cover the toilet in Saran wrap, but let it droop enough not to make a mess, then with the little spoon attached scoop some in. No, i am not bullshitting either you are meant to do it this way to avoid any contamination from bacteria in the toilet.

I was really sick earlier in the year and had to do stool samples. Unless you go to a piece of shit hospital, they should give you something that goes below the seat that you shit into. From there you scoop it into the sample.

 

[Piste.Off]

Coming from a former CNA, no matter how gross you think your poop is it won't gross your nurse. My coworkers and I would talk about where to grab lunch while wiping up massive black shit, yes black, from some old dude's ass/genitals/everywhere.

 

[Dolan.Escobar]

^damn. I dont know if i could get used to that