Constipation. HELP!! Im going to die!!

BigRich

BigRich

Active member
Seriously. Ive had my right ACL reconstructed and the anasthetic ive been given has SERIOUSLY fucked my digestive system. Ive have not had so much of a sniff of a shit in 5 DAM DAYS. Ive been eating loads and im in pain!!

Google and ASK.com are SHIT!!!!!

Does anyone have any fixes??

Ive taken some strong liquid laxtive about 4 hours ago and its done fuck all.

A friend has suggested squirting water in my ass, if the pain gets anyworse i might consider it! Will this work? Anyelse have any other suggestions???

PLEASE TYPE FAST!!!!

 
read alpintalks story, got to a drug store and ask about something to squirt up your ass for constipation, seemed to work well for alpintalk

r u sayin we r being censored by da goverment?

fuck pussy dick suckin lips

-freeze_pooter

 
i told you mix heroin and pcp and shoot it uup there along with lots of other various goodies! Make a potpouri of drugs and shit in an asshole

Rideeast
 
hahah...i think i can be of service...

go the the drug store and get a home enema kit, straight up. you have to sick something in your ass, but it is definately worth it afterwards.

also, sopositorys work too, but i don't think you can get those in stores, onyl hospitals.

4*****~~~~~~~~~~

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R*****~~~~~~~~~~

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T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
no i am completely serious, go to the drug store and ask them for the most powerful thing to get rid or constipation

r u sayin we r being censored by da goverment?

fuck pussy dick suckin lips

-freeze_pooter

 
o shit, i just said what you said alpintalk, just later

r u sayin we r being censored by da goverment?

fuck pussy dick suckin lips

-freeze_pooter

 
it isn't really even that bad, the whole sticking something in your ass. you cant really feel it.

its this thing that looks like a ketchum dispenser filled with some sort of saline solution. you lube up the tip of it, get in THE position (they had illustrations in mine, funniest thing ever), stick it in and squirt. you don't think anything happend, but trust me it does. you get that shits feeling and dude, for like two minutes straight you loose control of your asshole...your anus just takes a fat chill pill and shit pours our like no tomorrow. its kinda scary, but it does the trick. just make sure there is nothing in the bathroom because i was throwing stuff everywhere. and maybe wear ski gloves becuse if you punch the well it wont hurt as bad.

GOOD LUCK!

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Yeah, good luck... have fun with that. But yeah, I think the enema is the only way to do it.

_____________________________________________

The government can put a gun in my hands and send me to die in Iraq, but I can't buy a beer.

I fucking LOVE the USA.
 
um take sum more i had the same problem when i broke my arm except i didnt shit for like 2 weeks and if u talk to ur doc he might be able to give u something

----------------

www.two5eight.tk
 
Shit, im gonna have to do it. Cheers alpentalik. Ive actually just read you thread about it 2 years ago. Genius!

It hurts so bad im gonna have to get my mum to get it.

Skiunit cheers for the ref to the thread.

 
^ for a second I thought you said 'get my mom to *do* it' haha

_____________________________________________

The government can put a gun in my hands and send me to die in Iraq, but I can't buy a beer.

I fucking LOVE the USA.
 
yeah i didn't shit for 6 days in cape cod and i wasn't even constipated. it was really weird, because i ate 3 full meals plus snacks every day, and i didn't even feel sick or anything. i just didn't have to go

-Dan

RED SOX
 
might i suggest a mouthguard and a plunger?

______________________________________

'Really, I gotta say that I'm glad you exist, 'cause if there wasn't there'd be noone to make fun of and diss.'

Solider in the NS ARMY

Rollers of NS unite!!!

603 for life

I'm conservative, just so you all know.

Member Number: 5172

 
hha, yeah, i forgot about that...my parents has to call a plumber to fix our shit back up, no joke.

4*****~~~~~~~~~~

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'it isn't really even that bad, the whole sticking something in your ass. you cant really feel it. ' classsic...

Jim..' hannah are u taking a dump?

Hannah'.. no, jim , girls dont poop,

Jim'... oh,,,, then why do girls have buttholes?

Hannah'.. for fucking. you silly.
 
ok so....whats the turn out big rich

my mom plucks my ball hair at night when im sleeping and glues them to her eyesbrows cuz she had a terrible camping incident when she was younger and her eyebrows never grew back, shes been doing this since i was 13 im gonna have to start chargin that fat bitch for my hair

-lateralis

 
anyone gonna find that post and post the link?

______________________________________

'Really, I gotta say that I'm glad you exist, 'cause if there wasn't there'd be noone to make fun of and diss.'

Solider in the NS ARMY

Rollers of NS unite!!!

603 for life

I'm conservative, just so you all know.

Member Number: 5172

 
no u get a sliver of soap. just a sliver. ask someone to shove it up your asshole. well no u can do that urself. leave the soap in and in a few hours i think, ull just shit away ur pain. trust me. i know from expeirience

___________________

ARMADAS ARE THE BEST SKI!!!BUY THEM

ARMADA WEBSITE

And no, I'm not getting photo incentives from those ads. If i wanted to do that, I'd just say 'Rip Curl, Nordica, Marker, Level, Astrix.' See? Now i've made money.' - Brad Holmes to some idiot kid from Potland Maine

 
Wisdom Teeth and Constipation by Alpentalik

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer). Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic.

You have been warned…

 
1000th POST!!!!!!!!!

______________________________________

'Really, I gotta say that I'm glad you exist, 'cause if there wasn't there'd be noone to make fun of and diss.'

Solider in the NS ARMY

Rollers of NS unite!!!

603 for life

I'm conservative, just so you all know.

Member Number: 5172

 
congrats. haha, two great threads, both about constipation. so great

Communism is alive and well. Just look at Canada... -coolcat45
 
Phew!! im still alive. :)

For completion i shall recount the events of last night. It will not touch on the genious of the Wisdom teeth and contipation thread but it amused me no the less.

At 1.am last night i couldnt stand it anymore and called a mate and demanded he took me the all night supermarket. I now have the home enoma kit idea firmly lodged in my mind thanks to alpentalik. I just need relief from the pain, im desperate!

Cany find anything anywhere so have to ask one of two people. (1) quite fit bird or (2) Grotty old nanny. Bearing in mind i want to talk about constipation i go for number 2.

Theres no home enoma kits left!! start to break into a sweat and feel tinglings of panic. There must be something, I wasnt too please when (2) called over (1) for advice. But (1) qucikly produced suppositories from a back shelf which i shoved into my pocket and hobbeled away.

Im now at home and my sicko mate and brother are talking shit to me throught the toilet door as im inserting this dam bullet shaped thing into my anus! Push it all the way up to knuckel depth (might have been too deep but i wanted to make sure) and im done if nott feeling ever so slightly invaded.

Cutting a long story short about an hour later my body gives me about a 10 second warning to get to the loo. Just make it and in approximately 30 to 40 seconds i lost 5 kilios in weight. Atkins eat your heart out.

Had another go this morn but was not nearly as epic.

Thank you all for your help in my dire time of need.

Rich

 
^I know! Its my persoanlity. Ive got this fucked up vibe that if i know i can do something a little bit better then i will.

So the furthurst i could get that sucker with using something else to prod it up there was knuckel deep. So thats where it went, pure and simple!

 
happened to me too.. you feel kinda like a homosexual sticking something into your asshole but its SOOOO worth it dude.. one of the best feelings in life is after your done with that 5 min shit from hell

~Bon Bons

Ridonkulous Productions

Exodus Headwear.. 'movement of the people'
 
niceeee

my mom plucks my ball hair at night when im sleeping and glues them to her eyesbrows cuz she had a terrible camping incident when she was younger and her eyebrows never grew back, shes been doing this since i was 13 im gonna have to start chargin that fat bitch for my hair

-lateralis

 
are you kidding? 5 days? that is nothing, that isn't a reason to be worried, that's basically normal for me. I routinely go for 5 days

`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`

'haha he told his parents ahbout his ginormous cock.... what a fag' - linemaverick540

'I wonder why haters tend to be idiots?' J.D._May

 
hahahaha, sweet...im glad everything worked out.

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T~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
I'll quote alps, just cause it's so damned funny.

'The thing looks like one of those red generic kethup dispensers that can squirt really far, except the squirt part is a little longer and its filled with some sort of soapy liquid. So I pull that out and a little package of lube and get the shit all ready. I assume the position, as perscribed on the directions and slide it in. Amazingly, you can't feel it all that much, which makes sense, because I've had shits ten time the diamater of the little squirter thingy. Anyways, with the thing up my ass I squeeze the bottle until every last drop is in my colon and intestines and what not...that you can really fucking feel, but it's not a bad feeling, just really weird. So that's all finished...nothing. I sit up and some of the shit drips out, no biggy. Waiting. Waiting. Nothings happening at all, I still have to shit but it ain't happening. And then it hit me, like a nuclear fucking bomb. My stomach starting making noses like when you bring burps up from your stomach...I'm freaking shit. I sit on the toilet and my ass is sing the siberian national anthem, but no poo. Then my ass starts going into convulsions, it really wants to shit but it can't. And then it happened, I lost all control of my anus, the flood gates were open. It wasn't satisfying at all...I had no control whatsoever. I through a magazine rack, that is next to the toilet, and it broke into a thousand pieces...Freeze and Powder magazines everywhere. I'm still shitting like fucking mount vusuvius. I want to stop but I can't, my ass needs a break. I punch the wall denting it like a mother fucker, I thougt I broke my knuckles, but I was still shitting. I was honestly shitting for three minutes straight, and then a short break when I regained control, but then I lost it...It went on like that for an eternity. Not only did I not shit for almost three weeks, but I was taking more than reccommended doses of two laxatives on top of excessive wheat products and prune juice...holy shit, I thought I was going to shit out my lungs and heart. Finally I was done, but I was really sore, my asshole felt like it was McJagger's mouth. But I shit, I got it all out, and probably some other stuff too.'

- alpentalik.

if you liked that reading, check out Wisdom Teeth and Constipation

and someone please put this in their sig:

'happened to me too.. you feel kinda like a homosexual sticking something into your asshole but its SOOOO worth it dude.. ' - Newskool450

GOOD TIMES IN THE POO THREADS

___________________

- Ian

~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~

 
great....i had my right acl reconstructed yesturday. i hope i dont have to finger my ass to shit too

______________________________________________________

A view on the downfall of the US by 221:

'godzilla man. he's gonna show up and shit will hit the fan.'

ellermann -> i hope you realize you just threw yourselves a birthday party online. just think about that for a little while

Ryan V.G
 
ya, 5 days isnt that much unless you were eating more than normal. I went 7 days without any pain, and then 9 days in a lot of pain and then at the beach I accidentaly drank salt water and had monster shits in this gross bathroom. I was glad it wasnt at home because the toilet was not going to flush. I kinda just wiped real quick and waited till nobody else was in the bathroom and I walked out whistling with my hands in my pockets.

_____________________________________________________________

I'm so constipated I've become a prune juice conesuir (sp)

'peter north is fucken awesome, hes got a big rod and blows gallons of semen on fresh 18 year old faces

-lateralis

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

-Dubya.

'I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?'

Denis Leary.

'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'

'Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.'

'Cocaine is God's way of saying your're making too much money.'

Robin Williams.

'I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.'

 
try sooting a shot down ur ass, that always gets me going.

you will need to use a strong proof, i usually go with bacardi 151, and just soot it in ur ass, then have a buddy light a match. that should do the trick

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some people talk it, some people live it, some people walk it-some people give it... deal with it.

D-Loc AKA Shaky Bones... Original, Unique, and One of a Kind.

land of the free???@#! haha right... free to the power of the people in uniform

skiin', smokin', snackin', sexin', sleepin'... all anyone needs in life
 
you could jsut get a laxitive and take that. i'm sure it'd cause hell in your stomache and have your solids leaking out in no time. drink lots of water when you do this, it was emphasize he slickness of your shit, considering you asshole is probably gonna be sealed shut. it'll look like a garden hose with the thumb covering the water hole.

Current Ns.com Idiot - in my book: D-loc's wit and wisdom at its best.

'Don't speculate my life because I've been through alot worse than you.' - d-loc

'I have my job because I worked for it, most do not.' - d-loc

'I've worked my ass off since I was 12 years old, I was an umpire! Yup, an umpire for 5 years!' - d-loc

'I make 50,000 a month as a programmer.' - d-loc .....(this is $600,000 a year, at age 20, while still in college)

'I have a carrer started already even before I have a degree, once I'm done with college I will have my bachlors and a job already. Only thing my pay will be hella higher.' - d-loc

'I only state the facts, no opinions, thats what sets me apart from everyone.' - d-loc

'It's just a matter of time until people like me (our generation) get into office.' - d-loc

'Man made beer, it's not good for the body after time. God created pot, for some reason this plant is here, so why not use what we are given and stop creating new projects such as beer.' - d-loc

'Their are becoming too many rules and shit, so soon we will all just crack. I'm trying to avoid that, not just smoke weed fools.' - d-loc

'Nothing else really matters to me. Just that its my body, and someone's controlling what I put into it.' - d-loc

'Drugs will always be around, why not profit off them from a government point of stance? you aint stopping them, so join them.' - d-loc

'I personally do not believe that pot should be legalized.' - d-loc

'Tell me about poilitics in real life and I'll let you talk your head off and not say a word. Cuz politics are a waste of brain space, get u nowhere in life but an argument.' - d-loc

'NADER all the way for me.' - d-loc

'Who cares how much money our country has, it does us no good if we ain't got shit to spend it on.' - d-loc

'I'm the moron here now, Yet, I know more about upcoming technoloy then most people ever will. Who has even heard of nanotechnology or even knows what it is?' - d-loc

'Man leave the country then tell me you hate it, I dare you.' - d-loc

'I'll fucking move to canada RIGHT NOW and would be 100 times happier. I would glady leave all the rules & regulations in this stupid U.S.' - d-loc

'See, I look at the future, not at this moment.' - d-loc

'Smoking cigs, in the long run what's it get me? nothing but $4 a pack outta my wallet a day to keep the habit. A bag runs me like $275 max and that can last me easily for 2 months. now $4 a pack X 60 = $240. Okay, so for about the same price.' - d-loc

'Sure, their world is drastically different, but I'm not going to no 3rd world. I'm on this world, Earth!' - d-loc (reffering to 3rd world countries)

In D-loc's Essay on why he's Smarter than me. (I did not ask for this, it randomly was messaged to me):

'I'll have you know my brain is very developed. I have what you call a photographic memory.' - d-loc

'So, I guess you really are intellectually below me, but I see now your just the one who can get up to my speed.' - d-loc

'Weighing in at only 125 lbs, I could easily bench double my weight as a senior in H.S.; maxing out at an outstanding 245 lbs. I still had the build of a small person.' - d-loc

'What I'm getting at is I don't know how I can get this out to people, and if I am just a great athlete or what.' - d-loc (he almost fell off a couch, but caught himself; what an amazing athlete!)

'So, before you even begin to talk about me, please I would like you to think with that undevolped brain. Maybe I'm not the dumb misfounded stoner you believe I am.' - d-loc (i think this was his conclusion?)

In regards to Europe being better than the United States:

'Sure if ur in the wrong neighborhoods you could be robbed or shot, but for the most part stick together and ur fine' - d-loc
 
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