College essay help

KFRADtheLaxBro

KFRADtheLaxBro

Member
well for my application essay i have basically have to write about an

extra curricular that has impacted my life. So the first thing i

thought of was of course skiing. Anyway i am a terrible writer an this

is my first draft. If anyone wants to help me proofread or give helpful

feed back i will appreciate it. here it is..

Skiing

is more than an activity I do for fun. It has influenced my life in so many

ways and has made me become the person I am today. Skiing has made me become an

individual and taught me to be myself. It has made become a dedicated hard

worker, and it has made me become more outgoing and sociable.

When you are just cruising down the

slope or throwing down tricks in the terrain park, creating your own style and

being different is one of the most fun things about skiing. It is all about

being yourself. Since skiing has such a big influence on me, being myself

transitions into my everyday life. I always try to do my own thing and try to

be an individual. Also being yourself and being different is more fun than

being like everyone else anyway.

Skiing has also made me become a

dedicated hard-working person. When I am trying to learn a new trick or get

better at turning, I am often frustrated when I cannot seem to get it right. I

will spend an entire day if I have to, to get it perfected, just to better

myself. It is the same thing outside of skiing. When I am working on a task whether

it is school or a job, I cannot stop until it is done or I am satisfied with

it. Sometimes I will stay up all night if I have to, to get the task done.

I am also a more outgoing sociable

person because of skiing. One of favorite things to do while skiing is meeting

new people on the chair lift. I have met so many different kinds of people on

chair lifts. I have met old seasoned skiers sharing their experiences with me, I

have met people new to skiing and have given them advice, and I have even met

people my age that I have ended up being friends with off the mountain. I am

just so used to talking to different kinds of people I find it easier to communicate

with others in everyday life.

Skiing is such an important part of

my life. It has shaped my personality in so many ways making me the person I am

today. Thanks to skiing I am always myself and an individual. I am a dedicated hard-working person, and I am

more outgoing and better at communicating with others.

 
start your essay off with something less boring. make the person want to read it, make it noticeable.
 
...I did mine about skiing too, although I had a different approach. You have some good ideas for it, like being more social, and being patient. However, mine was about powder and how it represents an experience I had related to skiing. I opened my essay with a really descriptive paragraph so if I were you I'd do that. Make the admission rep want to read your essay
 
that was terrible. i'm sorry dude, but you need to heavily revise that

-be original

-be casual but also let your voice come across, not too causal

-how does this define you?

-NEVER write in the 2nd person unless it's really fucking good

-use action verbs and better adjectives

 
needs to be much longer...and try and work in a hook in the first paragraph to get the reader to be interested..it will really bring your essay to a much more interesting level
 
i gave up on the past few paragraphs but here's it for meow:

To most, it appears that skiing is just a simple recreational sport; to me it is more. It has influenced my life in countless ways, from my personality, to the dedication I demonstrate everyday. Skiing requires determination and persistence. To get the motivation to go out for 8 hours in 20 pounds of gear, and exercise in 0 degree temperatures, takes more than just admiration for the sport. It entails love for the sport.

When you are just cruising down the slope or throwing down tricks in the terrain park, you get to you’re your own rules and your own style. Being different from everyone else is one of the most fun things about skiing; it is all about being yourself. I get to use my creativity to develop the sport as I see it. If I see a cliff I want to go jump off of, then I get to go and do it. I visualize the runs I will take or the tricks I will throw, and then take it upon myself to gather the courage to follow through with it. This individualism transitions into my everyday life and gives me the courage to express myself as being unique.

Skiing has also made me become a dedicated, hard-working person. The drive that it takes to go skiing is what makes me love it so much. For most of the skiing I do, I have to hike. I will hike for an hour up a mountain in 4 feet of snow, in 10 pound ski boots, just to ski back down for 5 minutes. When I get to the top, the trip back down is my personal reward, and every step I take getting to the top is one second of freedom I get to experience on the descent.

 
btw, mine was about an inspirational figure in my life. i wrote about my grandfather and everything i was taught from him ect ect, until he got diagnosed with dementia. emotional topic but got me where iwanted to go
 
well, if they google part of it you will, but then you could just say that you are me or vice versa.

so just mix up some shit or something. i'm sure its not perfect so there has got to be some way to edit it, but either way good luck
 
but then they'll see this, and this, and the next post, and the post before yours, and the post before his. look up. you see his essay. look down. it's yours, but it is his, yet yours. who's is his? who's is yours? why is yours his and his yours or why is his yours and yours his while yours continues to be his and his continues to be yours? look back, what do you see? yours or his, nobody knows.
 
DIAMONDS

old_spice_guy_movie_and_tv_roles_300x300.jpg
 
put something in intro to grasp reader, DO NOT USE SKI SLANG such as throwing down and cruising, it seems normal to us but the proffessors will not like it at all. try to sound as educated as u can, and relates skiing to something else in your life because a big essay on skiing wont work but its a good start
 
well now you're sorta fucked. i bet they use software far better than turn it in.

and who's to say someone won't steal this essay and use it themselves? that would be an issue.
 
Skiing is more than an activity I do for fun. It has influenced my life in so many ways and has made me become the person I am today. Skiing has made me become an individual and taught me to be myself. It has made become a dedicated hard worker, and it has made me become more outgoing and sociable. When you are just cruising down the slope or throwing down tricks in the terrain park, creating your own style and being different is one of the most fun things about skiing. It is all about being yourself. Since skiing has such a big influence on me, being myself transitions into my everyday life. I always try to do my own thing and try to be an individual. Also being yourself and being different is more fun than being like everyone else anyway. Skiing has also made me become a dedicated hard-working person. When I am trying to learn a new trick or get better at turning, I am often frustrated when I cannot seem to get it right. I will spend an entire day if I have to, to get it perfected, just to better myself. It is the same thing outside of skiing. When I am working on a task whether it is school or a job, I cannot stop until it is done or I am satisfied with it. Sometimes I will stay up all night if I have to, to get the task done. I am also a more outgoing sociable person because of skiing. One of favorite things to do while skiing is meeting new people on the chair lift. I have met so many different kinds of people on chair lifts. I have met old seasoned skiers sharing their experiences with me, I have met people new to skiing and have given them advice, and I have even met people my age that I have ended up being friends with off the mountain. I am just so used to talking to different kinds of people I find it easier to communicate with others in everyday life. Skiing is such an important part of my life. It has shaped my personality in so many ways making me the person I am today. Thanks to skiing I am always myself and an individual. I am a dedicated hard-working person, and I am more outgoing and better at communicating with others.
Here Goes: To most, skiing is a family vacation for a week or two every-other-year where a total of 15 hours maximum are actually spent on the snow. For me, it is much more than this. Skiing has become part of my lifestyle and has helped me grow to be more patient, dedicated, and social all the while keeping my individuality.(TELL HOW it has had an influence on you - HOW has it made you more of an individual - WHY this is important)Talk about your patience level BEFORE you started to ski, then talk about your patience level after you started skiing. Talk about the gratification of working hard to accomplish your goals from learning a new trick to watching/helping someone else. Maybe also throw in here how's it's healthy because you're getting a good workout when you ski and exercise raises endorphin levels.Dedication: This goes along with the increase of patience. Talk about how when you're dedicated you are able to generate your own success, and then how this relates to your everyday work ethic and how you feel that this dedication will help throughout your education and your drive for success.Social: Skiing is a social activity. Often I have found myself sharing stories with others while riding up the chair lift, and nothing I have done thus far generates the same amount of comradeship when slipping up the mountain in the blistering cold morning anticipating those first turns and scoping lines from the chair. (Now - talk about how this has made you a better person and made it easier to talk to others in general, and why that's relevant.)Individuality: why it's important to you. Talk about how skiing is a constructive way of expressing yourself as an athlete/physically/ect while perhaps gangbanging or sitting on the couch eating twinkies etc is not, maybe throw in a statistic about Americans and how the obesity level is raising in this country and skiing does combat that, especially if you workout during the summer so that you're in shape during the winter, talk about how it's a holistic discipline for you, it's not just a "winter sport".Conclusion: Skiing has become a prominent aspect of my life, and helped me to become more patient, dedicated, and social. Through skiing I have been able to keep and show my individuality and be a part of a community, a collective soul. It is my holistic discipline and it is one of my outlits, and I feel that it has benefited me in so many more ways than being "just a recreational activity".
 
Your conclusion is general, try to personalize it a little bit more. We know that it has affected you changing certain aspects of your personality, but how is that going to play a roll in the future, has it given you confidence for future demanding academic challenges? hope this helps
 
Step 1: apply to utah, no essay requiredStep 2:?Step 3: profit via one of the various resorts you will be ditching class to go ski at
 
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