Another rap feedback thread

shuckle

shuckle

Member
So me and a friend just had a session and this is what came out of it. (NotGhood is on guitar, I'm rapping and singing.)

Thoughts?

And most importantly, comparison to Daquan?

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good juan

also, what could've made it better then? was it not fast enough, flow not good enough, lyrics plain old sucked, etc?
 
You sound slightly like Hoodie Allen. Or should I say...

Ghoodie Allen

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but seriously you sound like Hoodie Allen to me and I actually somewhat enjoyed it, nice work.
 
Does it help that I'm half Asian? Also, if you check the other stuff on my soundcloud, you'll see I don't just rap :P

Also RickAstley that's actually a huge compliment, thank you so much :D
 
Here are the lyrics! :)

"I'm sorry, what was the question?"He wakes up halfway through the lesson

Scribblings on the chalkboard - giberish

He slumps back in his steezed out jiberish

Hoodie cause idiots around him don't understand

They say you're calling for attention, not a helping hand

But do they know him? Or do they all just stand

Or judge while one day he'll be worth a hundred thousand grand

Because that's life, man. The shit isn't fair

You gotta make it yourself like an Ikea chair

They call it Reidar; I really don't know why

There's a lot of things I don't know but I really try

To do my best but it usually isn't good enough

Sometimes things are rough.

A cold night, a long time

Leave it alone

I don't mind, it's alright

Just give me a chance

To see what to be

To see who I am

To see what to be

To see who I am

There's a feeling in my chest right now that's so intense

It's like I'm high with no intent.

To burn up my body because that's a good reason

To smoke up; love the self destructive season

But tonight was different. I really noticed how

You only need to dance sick to have a good time now

You don't need weed either; no need to sip the bottle

Just smile and laugh like you fucking won the lotto

And YOLO ain't the motto, it's a joke I use to make fun

Of all these fake niggas thinking they can go and run

My ass down the block and into next Tuesday

"You're gay"; okay, bitch, whatever you say

Being this confident for me is like a power up

Super mario; my mushroom's whiskey soured up

Minus the alcohol, because I'm clean tonight

The old me won't go down without a fight.
 
your flow seems a bit choppy and over enunciated for my own personal choice but everything else is good

try doing it shitfaced
 
You're not bad at singing, I'd say follow that and forget about the rapping. Just my 2 cents.
 
Its OK.

I think it needs more thug shit about getting money and hatin on fake ass bitch niggas and I'll be more down.

Good luck none the less!
 
We could take it back to basics

or we could ignore the fake shit.

These other rappers fake shit

barely able to take shit.

It's more likely they taste shit,

ass kissing til they make it.

It's sad the way the rap game has degraded into ape shit.

But I remain amazing,

always flipping and changing,

Spinning circles round these rappers

leave em' shriveled like a raisin.

I'm brazen, Im harsh

a genious with the flow,

you fuckers better know

cause soon I finna blow.

Yeah Im coming for your spot

ASAP without the rock

You'll never know what hit you

Until you fucking drop

I wanna be on top

looking down upon these clowns

but in order to be the greatest you've got to rock the crown

Yeah thats something I am lacking

You bet I am not slacking

Smacking the haters who be acting the greatest

I am the latest

just like your Ferrari

but when it comes to spitting quick

Im faster like a Bugatti.

Thats my verse to Goldie by A$AP Rocky. Sure I may or may not be under the influence of alcohol but I feel this isnt bad.
 
you're good at singing, but the one two one two style was like a dr seuss book.

example, i dont care. i play truth or dare, i fuck bitches while i kill snitches, ima filthy wigger, but my dick is much bigger.

its sounds cheezy but what would i know im not a rapper. seriously im not; that sounds pretentious. i am not a rapper nor do i try, i am white.
 
@Cotter. Really? That's kind of surprising haha

@fadebrigade yeah, I get what you mean. It could be less stiff
 
actually one of the better songs people have posted on here. this is what I think.

the guitar wasn't very original. if you plan on making this into a beat with drums and mixed and whatnot, you may consider diversifying that shit a little more. I do play progressive metal so I have a bias on things repeating the whole song.

the rhyming was good. I quite enjoyed the first verse, but like someone a couple posts up said, change up the one two one two. also, what yuck said. you sound extremely white and robotic, as do 97ish% of white people who try to rap. I can't really give you any other advice other than to try to let it flow more.

thirdly, singing was good, but I feel like it doesn't totally belong. when it hit the chorus your song went from a white college boy rap, to a white college boy acoustic sing song on the grass with backwards snapbacks and wifebeaters. Like I said, I write progressive metal, not hip hop, so I don't really know what I would change, but that's just something I thought brought the overall song down a little.

that's my take on it. 7/10. keep at it.
 
yeah, i totally get that. I'm pretty sure it was just the chord progression from Californiacation or 1973, can't remember which. But yeah, I really do want to have better beats that are more unique and stuff.

thanks a bunch man :) noted. loool, I'll have some grape drank or something before then next one

and i see, that makes sense. I kind of wrote the chorus quickly, so some further deliberation next time might be a good idea.

thanks a ton to all of you guys, you've been super legit with feedback :)
 
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