A SLAM poem I wrote..

VT_scratch

VT_scratch

Active member
Four Years

They bitch they bark they whine they scream

So many girls in this school are simply mean

Always texting on their phones,

They’re just a big old group of clones

Walking through the halls like they own the place,

With too much make-up caked on their face

Just walk on by them and you’re sure to get a glare,

If they’re not already making fun of your hair

Their free time’s spent on the lobby bench,

Gossiping away in a language that seems like French

They talk behind each other’s back,

When their “best friend” goes to grab a snack

They can light up a room from the orange hue of their skin,

From the UV rays they always take in

These people need to see the bigger picture in life,

Because once they’re out of high school their bitching won’t suffice

im not gonna worry about the formatting on here.

ya
 
not bad... the rhyme scheme was kinda annoying, would have been better with more complex rhyme scheme rather than just AABB.
 
It's not just AABB. What you were trying to say is that it is annoying in couplets.

It's actually couplets of AA, BB, CC, DD, EE, FF, GG, and HH.

They bitch they bark they whine they scream

A

So many girls in this school are simply mean

A

Always texting on their phones,

B

They’re just a big old group of clones

B

Walking through the halls like they own the place,

C

With too much make-up caked on their face

C

Just walk on by them and you’re sure to get a glare,

D

If they’re not already making fun of your hair

D

Their free time’s spent on the lobby bench,

E

Gossiping away in a language that seems like French

E

They talk behind each other’s back,

F

When their “best friend” goes to grab a snack

F

They can light up a room from the orange hue of their skin,

G

From the UV rays they always take in G

These people need to see the bigger picture in life,

H

Because once they’re out of high school their bitching won’t suffice

H

And I quite liked it, OP.
 
my intention was obviously hinting at it is in couples... i probably should have put C in there or put an ellipse or something...
 
pretty solid. here is mine....
I wonder if spiders wear velcro shoesbecause 8 shoes is a lot of shoes to tieand theyre so busy creeping me out that i dont think they have that kind of time
 
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that was really sick, it describes a lot of the girls in my school perfectly. I could never be that creative
 
props. though, I don't really like slam poetry. maybe my local open mic gave it a bad taste, they're all dumbass thugs who spit about violence and dead homies and shit and act all tough. every first tuesday is "slam night" where they like compete or whatever and theres always like one dude who just gets up and reads some weird ass shit thats way better than all they're thug raps.
 
it was ok. i would appreciate it if you didnt post on my name anymore loser. and has some broad broken you heart/denied you cudi/put you in the friend zone/you fucked it up?
 
Sorry, but I did not enjoy it at all. Half of slam poetry is the delivery, which is missed when presented as text. Also I gravitate toward poetry that allows for more interpretation. Your poem is very straight forward and is full of simple statements. I can certainly imagine the people you are writing about, but I would definitely suggest trying to add more imagery as well. Keep writing and revising.
 
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