A mystery for you, good sir.

newnewschool

newnewschool

Member
Ok so there's a guy in my friend group. He starts dating this girl not too long ago, and loses his virginity to her. She turns out to be a complete whore and hates all of us. He's an idiot and allows her to take him from us. She blatantly says rude things to us and will shove us out of the way to get between him and us. Often he is too drunk to tell what's going on...

Here comes the weird part: Around three nights a week, he comes into the apartment drunk. We hang for a little. (this isn't my place, its another guy's in my friend group) The girl then, without fail will whisper in our friends ear, and they will walk into the bathroom together. We of course yell and bang on the bathroom door, but there are NO NOISES inside. usually around 10-20 minutes later they come out and instantly go to bed. They do it scientifically. Without variation or distraction.

This is where you come in, detective newschoolers. We need to know what they are doing, because reasons. Here are your clues:

1) They are EXTREMELY quiet.

2) No running water can be heard in the bathroom.

3) They always have bloody noses, or at least say that's why the garbage can is filled with bloody tissues.

4) They often have done this in the middle of what seems like a fun night, with multiple guests over.

5) Both have been drinking obsessively

6) Also she's ugly

Your job is to guess what in the fork and knife cutlery set they are doing.

+k for answers that make me lolol

 
she is a vampire. she is slowly feasting away on all your buddy's blood. he soon will turn as well.
 
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you couldnt rip lines of blow and go to sleep instantly after. theyre definitely blowing painkillers or ambien or something
 
This I'd say pain killers. Coke won't give you a bloody nose painkillers and other scripts would. Also you could go right to bed after that. What a sketchy little couple.
 
Yet another clue i forgot to add: Apparently he claims they have that rare thing where after getting drunk so often they get nosebleeds. Anybody have this happen to them??
 
This is plausible because alcohol thins your blood, however, i'd call bullshit because I've never in my whole life seen anyone get a bloody nose soley because they were drinking.
 
no one does coke and then wants to go straight to bed. its a fact.

I'd guess maybe they are shooting up or some shit and they like pass out in the bathroom for 10-20 mins while its going on. blood could be from syringes, idk. if it was coke, you'd know it from tempers flaring from you banging on the doors trying to get them to hurry up and get out. bloody noses sound like an excuse for something else. if it actually was a bloody nose they wouldn't be telling you outright because its too easy a connection to coke, which they are trying to hide (by hiding in the bathroom) if hypothetically that was the answer.

and if it was an addictive drug, that'd be a key for why he's blowing you guys off for some chubby 6/10

just my 2cents
 
if they're both drunk it could be coke. some study written in the oxford journal showed that cocaine can offset alcohol.

same principle was used in the movie flight
 
the girl is actually a doctor who is trying to remove your friends kidney to sell it on the black market. BUT the girl can only preform surgery in that bathroom while drunk. after they complete only 20 minutes of the surgery they become exhausted and go to bed.
 
My thoughts exactly! 6/10?? Maybe a 4/10 on a good day.

Maybe one of them has a weird pain fetish and likes getting cut up? Then because they're horny, they go straight to bed and fuck. But probably just drugs.
 
Here's what you do, OP.

get in contact with the DEA. Tip them off about what is happening, and allow them to set a trap for your friend and the girl. Before they act, leave a wrap on some sort, in plain view, in your bathroom. Instruct your friend to be as far away from it as possible.

DEA crash in, see weapon, trigger happy, shoot gf to death.

Problem solved.
 
they are playing yu-gi-oh. Once all their pikachus are dead, they then punch eachother in the nose to get you off their trail of clues.
 
Not going to speculate on the circumstances because I just ate lunch, but I would classify this one as a double bagger. A bag over your own head is required just in case the one you placed over her head falls off during intercourse.
 
Keep an eye on their pupils, generally a pretty tell tale sign of at least what kind of drug they're doing. If they blow up big probably coke or they're dancing with molly. If they pin out, probably some sort of opiate. Best of luck.
 
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