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- Thread starter stevie.
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r5tommy
Active member
Be Careful What You Wish For
A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried in the earth, which revealed itself to be an old bottle sealed with a cork. The man wrenched the cork free and, to his astonishment, there was a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. Standing before him was a genie.
'As a reward for freeing me, I shall grant you three wishes,' said the genie, 'But understand, whatever you wish for, your most hated enemy shall receive twice over.'
The man's most hated enemy happened to be his next door neighbour, Jones. 'Let's see. My first wish is...' He looked at his weather beaten bungalow, '...to live in a ten story luxury mansion.' The genie clapped his hands and suddenly his minute shack transformed into the most beautiful house he had ever laid eyes on. He heard a cry of astonishment from next door and looked over to see Jones standing in the doorway of his new twenty story mansion. 'Now I want fifty of the most beautiful women imaginable.' said the man. There was a puff of smoke and his wish was granted. He was annoyed, however, to see Jones grinning and waving, surrounded by his own harem of 100 women, all twice as attractive.
'What is your final wish, Master?' asked the genie.
'I want to lose a testicle,' said the man.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
2 Months, 1 Weeks
freerider_klo
Active member
i don't get it
-Chloe
skiing=radical
-Chloe
skiing=radical
bhill2.0
Active member
THE DUDE LOST 1 TESTICLE BUT HIS NEIGHBOR LOST 2 AND PROLLY 99 HOT GIRLS
on the first day of school i wok eup late at my friends house so i was hurrying really fast to get ready and i ran into her bedroom and i tripped over the wheeel on her bed frame and flew forward landing face first into a pile of her dirty thongs-Public_Enenmy0255
RIDEblunt
on the first day of school i wok eup late at my friends house so i was hurrying really fast to get ready and i ran into her bedroom and i tripped over the wheeel on her bed frame and flew forward landing face first into a pile of her dirty thongs-Public_Enenmy0255
RIDEblunt
.scott.
Active member
line_skogans@hotmail.com
and here's the joke. you may have heard it before, but if you haven't it's not bad.
Ski conditions were perfect, 12-below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the 'tell me when we're having fun' kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom.
He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you have ever had nature hit its panic button in you,
then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters.
So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should just go off in the
woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white would provide more than adequate camouflage.
So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing, and proceeded to do her thing. If you have ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of control, racing
through the trees, somehow missing all of them and out onto another slope.
Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued on backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers.
The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the ski lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.
At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously broken leg was put into the bed next to hers.
'So how'd you break your leg?' she asked, making small talk.
'It was the darndest thing you ever saw', he said. 'I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift....
...So how'd you break your arm?'
================================================
No one on their death bed ever said, 'I wish I'd played it safe' -blind_five
and here's the joke. you may have heard it before, but if you haven't it's not bad.
Ski conditions were perfect, 12-below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over, the 'tell me when we're having fun' kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom.
He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you have ever had nature hit its panic button in you,
then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters.
So, with time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should just go off in the
woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white would provide more than adequate camouflage.
So she headed for the tree line, began disrobing, and proceeded to do her thing. If you have ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and a wrong way to set your skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it. She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out of control, racing
through the trees, somehow missing all of them and out onto another slope.
Her derriere and her reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued on backwards, totally out of control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers.
The woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the ski lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.
At long last her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then went to the base of the mountain and summoned the ski patrol, who transported her to a hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously broken leg was put into the bed next to hers.
'So how'd you break your leg?' she asked, making small talk.
'It was the darndest thing you ever saw', he said. 'I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far I'd moved. I fell out of the lift....
...So how'd you break your arm?'
================================================
No one on their death bed ever said, 'I wish I'd played it safe' -blind_five
random_skier
New member
fujikuku2@yahoo.com
The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's better than Clyde!''
sorry its lame, and sorry to all you christians out there.
The three wise men went to visit Jesus right after he was born. One wise man was extremely tall. He hit his head on the top of the door frame and said, ''Jesus Christ!'' Joseph looked at Mary and said ''Write that down -- that's better than Clyde!''
sorry its lame, and sorry to all you christians out there.