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fedex her a bottle of whisky, a dildo and a knife. It worked for me. I'm married going on 2 years.

I smoked pounds of weed in pop cans and I'm fine.

I warned my mom for like 3 days that we were getting low on toilet paper. Sure enough, I took a crap and had no paper. I was pissed so I wiped my ass with her loofa. It was dry and scratchy, but did the job. We never ran out of TP again. My friend used to brag that he could get his parents...

after a hard night of drinkin, theres nothing more refreshing than puking in the shower and packing the chunks down the drain with your foot.

sell your skis, buy a thong and give head to 70 year old men.

my bindings didnt have brakes, I had runaway straps. And I wore neon.

we built a pressurized beer bong. Its made of sewer pipe and gets pumped up with a bike pump and is complete with a pressure gauge. It was a wedding gift for a buddy - we called it the "Love Bong". You haven't lived until you've had 3 beers forced into your gut/lungs/nose at 8psi. ***221 is not...

eat some shrooms. you'll think waay better.

european girls will suck anything that moves

a gay wanting to get married is the same as a black guy wanting to join the kkk. They want access to a union that in no way supports them. they only want tax breaks. Go pay your fucking fucking taxes like everybody else you pillow biting queers.

Remember where you heard it first FAGGET

you pantywaist, get out there and smoke your face off. Some day, your friends will be lame and married and pregnant and wont want to get baked and vandalize shit anymore and you'll have a job that piss tests you. Smoke while the smokin's good young lad.

Ah, I remember high school football playoffs like its was yesterday... making out with 15 year olds under the bleachers. Wait a minute, that was yesterday! Anybody know a good lawyer?

I hear ya. You jack off at the front of a Greyhound bus just ONCE and you're paying for it the rest of your life.

fuckin pikeys

Falling Down - because we're all just one bad day away from becoming murderous sociopaths.

you've been listening to Charles Darwin too much. That guy was a wine-o and a pill-popper. His theories are about as sound as that crazy guy on Prison Break.

I smoke pot from pop cans to up my aluminum intake. Aluminum builds high-strength, lightweight, corrosion resistant and high modulus of elasticity bones and teeth.

you're all short cuz your mom didn't breast feed you.

they wanted it.